Sanders Admits Receiving Free Checking from Big Banks

[arcane1]

MANCHESTER, NEW HAMPSHIRE (The Borowitz Report)—Scandal rocked Bernie Sanders’s Presidential campaign on Friday as the candidate was forced to admit that he received free checking from several big banks.

In a press conference in Manchester, New Hampshire, a chastened Sanders acknowledged that, over the past two decades, he received free checking from Bank of America, Citibank, and JPMorgan Chase in exchange for maintaining a five-hundred-dollar minimum balance.

“I should have acknowledged my relationship with these banks earlier,” a subdued Sanders told reporters. “For that, I am sorry.”

The Clinton campaign immediately seized on the revelation, with one senior Clinton aide alleging that Sanders’s cozy relationship with the banks “effectively strips him of the label ‘progressive.’ ”

“Quite frankly, I don’t know of too many progressives who make five-hundred-dollar payoffs to the big banks,” the aide said. “This doesn’t pass the smell test.”

-snip-

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/sanders-admits-receiving-free-checking-from-big-banks

[UglyGreed]

1. .

[yeoman6987]

53. Must be nice to have 500 dollars in the bank. 1%

[FSogol]

2. LOL n/t

[valerief]

3. Once again, Andy is dandy!!!!

[TheFarseer]

4. I just heard about these special accounts

Called "savings accounts" where you can hide your money and receive monthly payments from the bank. If it's less than $10 for the year, you don't have to report it on your taxes! I bet he has one of those too!

[UglyGreed]

5. SHHH!!!

it could destroy the myth that is Bernie!!!!

[arcane1]

8. THAT is the kind of shady character we are dealing with here!

[kath]

9. #BernieSoShady

[beam me up scottie]

21. LMAO!

Stop it, you guys are killing me!

[sarge43]

27. Don't you love it when the gang goes Full Snark.

[beam me up scottie]

28. CHUM IN THE WATER, CHUM IN THE WATER!!!

They never learn.

[merrily]

77. LOL!

[Divernan]

83. Hey! My "big bank" pays .07% on a 12 month CD

while charging 11.49% on its VISA cards. So I can invest $10,000 and get $70 interest, while the bank lends out my $10,000 & collects $1,149, resulting in a net profit to the bank of $1,079 Pretty sweet deal for your Big Banking buds, amIright, Hillary?

OR, if the bank lends out my $10,000 on a cash advance transaction, they charge 20.99% interest, and collect $2,099, pay me $70, and net profit $2,029!!!

ONLY IN AMERICA!!! KEEP THOSE DOLLARS ROLLING UP TO THE TOP ONE PERCENT!

No frigging wonder Big Banks' lobbyists/pimps have millions to shell out to whoring political candidates.

[TheFarseer]

89. wow that's a bad deal on a 12 month

my bank is paying .25% on CDs. I shopped around and got .45% on a CD. I'm hearing that they can borrow it from the Fed to loan out at 0% but not totally sure that's true.

As far as cash advances etc, I used to work at a tax place and they just got around legislation to cap the percent of interest charged by adding on a "service fee" so that we can still take just as much of your refund if you can't wait 8-15 days for it and can't pay tax preparation fees up front. Also charged a ton for the forms that the typical poor person had. That's part of why the poor stay poor.

[Divernan]

90. Your examples are still LESS than 1%; while banks are lending it at 11-23%!

At 1 percent or less return, I'd as soon keep my cash in a shoebox under my bed rather than let the banks profiteer off of me.

[AgingAmerican]

6. He also took a couple free Dum Dum Pops from the dish at the counter!

[kath]

10. ZOMG!!1!

[sarge43]

11. Worse, he scored a free toaster

[daleanime]

13. Yeah, but in his defense......

it never ever worked.

[merrily]

81. Stick a fork in him.

[ybbor]

87. Or at least a Cutco knife...

Which he was also given free.

[merrily]

88. A relative used to sell Cutco. Pricey, but lifetime warranty (until Cutco goes out of business,

anyway). When my relative was there, they did take advantage of their sales reps, though.

[PonyUp]

19. Not the 1953 Anniversary Dum-Dum! Oh the humanity!! n/t

[Merryland]

59. pineapple dum-dums were the worst

because when used they sprouted little bits of something, maybe coconut?

[PonyUp]

71. I loved those! Tongue scratchers. n/t

[merrily]

79. The ones in my bank make you cavities and fill them at the same time.

[DefenseLawyer]

7. That's funny

Just wait til the other shoe drops and that Christmas Club toaster comes to light.

[Fuddnik]

12. Even worse!!!! The last paragraph!

The news of Sanders’s ties to the banking industry comes just days after damaging reports that he leveraged his relationship with the American Automobile Association to obtain a discount on renting a Nissan Sentra.

[awoke_in_2003]

50. Driving an imported car?

What an elitist

[Roy Rolling]

14. Follow the money...

Always follow the money.

[WillyT]

15. LOL !!! - K & R !!!

[SoapBox]

16. LOLOLOLOL

Hilarious!

Has he ever gotten a free toaster?

[forest444]

17. And a fridge magnet calendar, even!

That Bernie - always on the take!

[sarge43]

24. Worse, shot glass. n/t

[forest444]

68. Criminy. Just another reason to bank at a credit union.

Many still give you imitation-Scandinavian glass bowls, or at least a coffee mug.

[sarge43]

69. A lot of northern New England banks are local or regional

Shot glasses, fridge magnets, etc. Not much money to throw around.

We're poor, but proud.

[forest444]

70. That's where I should be.

I may be a flaming lib'rul - but I'm a stone hearth and wood-panel conservative at heart.

Remember Chevy Chase in Funny Farm? That's me, I think.

[840high]

78. hahaha!

[beam me up scottie]

18. Freakin hilarious!

[UglyGreed]

20. This was seen in Bernie's office......

?w=450

He really does hate the banks.........

[frylock]

54. My pen!

[Warren DeMontague]

86. MY PEN!!

love that bit

[jillan]

22. If this happened back in the days when banks gave away toasters for opening a new account, this

really will be a huuuuuuge! scandal.

[sarge43]

23. Fox News just reported on this latest Sandersgate

He may have accepted a senior citizen's pass at the Merrill Roxy theater in Burlington.

Inquiring minds must know if he got a whole dollar off his ticket.

[yeoman6987]

55. Oh God. I just pray they don't find out about the

Free or reduced cost of morning coffee from McDonald's.. We're doomed if Repugs find this little Jem.

[Cleita]

25. Love his ability to get to the core of nonsense and run with it.

[DesertFlower]

26. i have free checking too. guess i'm in

bed with chase.

[-none]

66. Not only do I have free checking, the bank pays me a couple of dollars a year for it.

Does that mean I'm Establishment? How can I ever vote for Bernie now, with that hanging over me?

[tokenlib]

29. Bernie probably gets free check reprinting too..one of those Senior discounts...

Ooh, we have something in common...ha ha

[Armstead]

30. He also gave speeches to local chamber of comnmerce events attended by bankers

He didn't get paid, but we all know the quid pro quos that went on behind the scenes

[Yeager29]

31. Bernie got free auto services too

So I heard that Bernie also got free auto services! He pulled his car into the local corner gas station and it had a tire air fill station that was free to use. He put at least 3 psi into each tire! He should be burned at the stake for taking free air and not reporting it. His claim to being a democratic socialist is over forever.

[sarge43]

35. Good one! Welcome to DU and snark on. n/t

[gregcrawford]

32. Uh-oh...

... I get free old-fart checking, too. Guess I'd better turn myself in...

[Duval]

33. Love Borowitz! Thanks, arcane1!!

[beam me up scottie]

34. I read here that he was in the pocket of Big Sugar™ and here's proof!:

?itok=aBtCXdwR

[sarge43]

38. No, it's Big Cream. The Cow Consortium.

Vermont: 300,000 cows rule!

[beam me up scottie]

39. All hail the Mooligharchy! #bowdowntothecowbernie

[sarge43]

42. Damn You!

[pangaia]

44. Now I am no expert.

I only milked cows for 2-3 years,
But I never, EVER milked from the left side.
Because Bernie is a left-winger?

What up with that. Or me.... ?

[beam me up scottie]

47. Another conspiracy!!! Make that COWSPIRACY!

Is there a hammer and sickle brand on that cow?

[pangaia]

56. It took you 4 edits to do that?

Man, with all your great work here I would think you could have done that with your toes.


Actually I kinda like the kibbutz one.

[beam me up scottie]

58. I'm saving that one! It deserves a special place in another thread.

I should stop posting from my mobile, too many edits.

[pangaia]

61. Gafawww

[A Simple Game]

91. You're correct. I have occasionally done it from the left in a free stall situation but

it is usually done from the right by hand or with a machine.

Does this mean I'm not as liberal as I thought I was?

[TIME TO PANIC]

49. That cow is being milked by our next president. n/t

[beam me up scottie]

60. Lucky girl!

[TIME TO PANIC]

63. She should be proud. n/t

[sarge43]

67. She now has significant bragging rights n/t

[SammyWinstonJack]

85. Our next president who stop the 1% from milking the rest of us.

[Divernan]

84. Oh the Moo-manity!

[demwing]

36. Bravo

[Fast Walker 52]

37. love it!

[greiner3]

40. A true Progressive uses Credit Unions who's members OWN

The fruits of their endeavors and no exorbitant cash balance is needed as anybody knows

[mikehiggins]

82. You beat me to it. Credit unions are the bomb (no HRC, not THAT kind of bomb)

Everyone should switch over to a Credit Union forthwith. I can't imagine why so few really have. A well run cu is a thing of beauty (and many DO have free lollipops).

[Perogie]

41. I have free checking...Am I in trouble?

[awoke_in_2003]

51. We're keeping an eye on you

[yeoman6987]

57. Disqualified for president for sure

[pangaia]

43. Don't laugh.

"The Clinton campaign immediately seized on the revelation, with one senior Clinton aide alleging that Sanders’s cozy relationship with the banks “effectively strips him of the label ‘progressive.’ ”

That is exactly the type of behavior they deal in.

[Enthusiast]

45. So disappointed.....

Bernie, cut it out!

[TIME TO PANIC]

46. Busted!

[Mendocino]

48. Now it's been revealed that he

is a practicing heterosexual and his wife is a thespian.

[TexasMommaWithAHat]

52. Half of Washington probably gets free checking.

nt

[myrna minx]

62. LoL!!!

[killbotfactory]

64. Not a credit union?!?

For shame, Bernie. For Shame.

[Mendocino]

65. He once tried to take

thirteen items through a supermarket express lane.

[Kali]

72. !!!

Great thread everybody!

[8 track mind]

73. It gets worse guys, Fox News just

reported that he was an avid user of S&H green stamps. we're screwed.....

[Califonz]

74. Bernie seems more like a credit union kind of guy

Mine has no monthly fees, refunds up to $20/mo for non-CU ATM fees, even has a free coin counter in the lobby!

[mwooldri]

75. I hear his family have been in on the game too.

Apparently his brother has received a bus pass that allows him to ride free on the county's public transit system.

Sorry... no good on satire right now... the above is probably true.

[merrily]

76. Don't most banks offer free checking to seniors? (Yes, I do know it's Borowitz.)

[CharlotteVale]

80. GASP. Did they give him the fancy dancy designer checks with

matching covers and registers?!

This is worth a dozen new memes!!!!!11!!

[MrModerate]

92. I'm standing on the sidelines during the Clinton-Sanders sniping . . .

But that was funny. Kudos.

[BainsBane]

93. Right, because hosting fundraisers bringing in hundreds of thousands of dollars

from Citigroup, Goldman, Chase, etc... is as minor as free checking. http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/05/politics/sanders-democratic-fundraisers/index.html