From my perspective (please correct me if I'm wrong), being a stay-at-home requires either a very high income or EXTREMELY low expenses, neither of which are a very likely situation for most people even if they were to cut their household budget down to the bare bones- without vacations and other "luxuries".
I'd agree that the choice to stay at home or work is never a simple matter - even when you're lucky enough to have it be a choice. But I would say that your two assumptions on what it takes to stay at home are indeed incorrect - or they're at least not absolute. My household has neither a high income nor low expenses. Our income is moderate, but ... it's enough. Not for grand vacations or a big house or furniture that's less than 15 years old (and was never that great to begin with!), but ... it's enough.
Why must it always be either/or when it comes to working moms and stay-at-home moms? This is why we (meaning we women) continue to be our own worst enemy. Instead of noting that we all make different choices, we always have to point to our choices as the "good" ones or the "noble" ones and denigrate others for their different choices. I see working moms looking down their noses at stay at home moms and doing the ol' "I work and then go home and work" dance. That's certainly true, and I admire those moms for their hard work, but I also see stay at home moms sniffing disdainfully and noting that they're trying to balance budgets, organize kids, take care of kids all day with no pay, no pay raises, no days off and no respect. That, too, is often true, and I admire those women for their hard work as well. Both sets are doing massively hard work, and to try and compare and compete to see who works hardest just distracts from the real point: that women should be able to make their own CHOICES. And why do we need to put each other's choices down instead of fighting for us to hold onto (or, for some, gain) the right to make such choices?
My choice works for me. In our situation, yes, we've had to forgo things - and I'm not talking about luxuries - for me to stay home, but we're finding a way to make it work because it was important to us. It doesn't make my choice a more valid one than anyone else's. But I hear friends all the time telling me they work harder than stay-at-home moms, forgetting that they happen to be talking to one. I make a big effort to never do that to working moms, because I respect their choice as much as I respect my own.
On the other hand, certainly there are a HUGE amount of families/moms who in no way can make such a choice, and that's where our focus should be, I think. For Ann Romney to try and hold herself up as some victim of anti-women sentiment or anti-stay-at-home mom sentiment while she lobbies for a man who has zero empathy for women - or, frankly, for non-millionaires - is just disgusting.
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I don't think my personal experience was the norm but then again neither was Ann Romney's.