Deadline Tonight: Jimi Hendrix Platinum Album Award
Hello again. I'm David Keith, Congressman Alan Grayson's Finance Director, Chief Cook and Bottle Washer. I want to remind you that your one and only chance to win a Jimi Hendrix Platinum Album Award, for the album "Are You Experienced?" ends today, at midnight Pacific Time.
As I explained a few days ago, due to my upbringing, I am not terribly familiar with your so-called "rock bands," like ZZ Topless, Pink Lloyd, Lead Dirigible, the Rolling Rocks, Guns and Bullets, or the Beetles. (I never understood why you would name a band after an insect.)
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I may not know much about . . . how you say? . . . "rock," but I know what I like. And I like one song in particular on the album [em]"Are You Experienced?"[/em] It's called "Third Stone From the Sun." It recounts an alien invasion of the Earth. The aliens are totally fed up with the human race, so they decide to kill all of us off, and leave a different species in charge:
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The chickens.
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And after hearing that haunting song, I swear that I will never again ask, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" I will never count my chickens before they are hatched. I will never complain that I work for chicken feed. I will never compare anyone of the female persuasion to a "spring chicken." And I will never liken anybody to a chicken with its head cut off.
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If chickens will be in charge, I'm not going to mess with them.
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Please join me in clicking this link, and celebrate my new and improved taste in music by contributing to Alan Grayson's campaign and seizing the opportunity to win a Jimi Hendrix Platinum Album Award!
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Here's an interesting coincidence: Rolling Stone said that Jimi Hendrix was the world's greatest guitarist, and I work for the world's greatest Congressman. (I'm referring to Alan Grayson, in case you live in a cave and can't read smoke signals.)
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Whether you win or lose this prize, we all win, because you are helping to sustain the Grayson campaign (and also my employment). And I'll tell you why: In my humble opinion (and I have so much to be humble about), what Jimi Hendrix was to music, Alan Grayson is to justice, equality and peace.
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Please click this link to support greatness, by contributing to Alan Grayson's campaign and a chance to win a Jimi Hendrix Platinum Album Award! Today is the deadline. It's your last chance for Musical Paradise.
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Sincerely,
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David Keith
Finance Director
Grayson for Congress
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P.S: I recognize that Jimi Hendrix's music may not be everyone's cup of tea. If you hate legendary music - as I was sure I did - click here to donate directly to Alan Grayson's re-election campaign, and spare yourself the unfortunate opportunity of winning this invaluable and cherished platinum award. If you clicked above, you have a chance, and if you click here, you are SOL. And if you click here and contribute twice, then that doubles your chance of not winning this precious award. Click above, and you are in the game. Click here, and don't say we never gave you anything. Because we promise we won't.
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Starfleet to Scout Ship, please give your position. Over.
I'm in orbit around the third planet from the star called the Sun. Over.
You mean it's the Earth? Over.
Positive. It is known to have some form of intelligent species. Over.
I think we should take a look.
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Strange beautiful grass of green,
With your majestic silver seas,
Your mysterious mountains I wish to see closer,
May I land my kinky machine?
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Strange beautiful grass of green,
With your majestic silver seas,
Your mysterious mountains I wish to see closer,
May I land my kinky machine?
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Although your world wonders me,
With your majestic and superior cackling hen,
Your people I do not understand,
So to you I shall put an end.
And you'll never hear surf music again.
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Secret
Oh, secret
Oh
Shhhh . . . .
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- Jimi Hendrix, "Third Stone From the Sun" (1967).
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