Why Are Politicians So Boring?
I was on the phone with an avid supporter from Philadelphia a few minutes ago. He told me that he really liked me. Flattered, I asked him why. Because, he said, I’m “not boring.”
“Not boring.” These days, that is high praise for any elected official.
Turn on any “news” channel in America today, and you will find yourself drenched in trite nonsense. Nothing but tautological talking points, and vapid buzzwords. It’s ubiquitous. It’s as though everyone were reading a bad script written by Ed Wood, the winner of the Golden Turkey Award for “Worst Director of All Time.”
I take a different approach. Sometimes I’m right and sometimes I’m wrong, but I always try to be interesting. I figure that if you’re going to take the time to listen to what I have to say, I owe you that much. Think of me as the love child that Oscar Wilde and Dorothy Parker never had, possibly because she was just seven years old when he died.
But, frankly, that way, I seem to be a minority of one. And I’ll tell you why. The others are afraid.
They know that if they say anything even remotely entertaining or thought-provoking, they will be gutted like a fish. They’ll get the Full Monty: hourly attacks on Fox News, round-the-clock vilification on Hate Radio, evisceration at hundreds of right-wing websites, and blistering thirty-second smear ads.
In fact, I’m being attacked that way right now, just ten days before our election.
My opponent has set up a slur-site that not only viciously assails my personal life and my professional accomplishments, but also catalogs what she calls “hate speech.” That, basically, is every interesting thing I’ve ever said. Needless to say, she is particularly ticked off about the things that I’ve said about Republicans:
● When her mentor Dick Cheney called for US troops on the ground against ISIS, I said that Cheney “never met a war he didn’t like.”
● When Cheney attacked President Obama unjustly at the beginning of his first term, I said that many Americans wished that Cheney would “STFU.”
● Calling out Congressional Republicans for their obstructionism, I said that on CNN that they are “foot-dragging, knuckle-dragging Neanderthals.”
● When MSNBC publicized a photo of President Bush and a Saudi prince kissing each other, I suggested that if Bush had let him get to second base, gasoline might be only a dollar a gallon.
● I referred to the sewer money that the GOP poured in against me in 2010 as “30 pieces of silver.”
● After Ted Cruz shut down the U.S. Government, I said that Cruz represents the party of the GOP that is trying to “hasten the Apocalypse.”
● And, of course, I mocked the Republican Party for their healthcare plan: “Don’t get sick, and if you do get sick, die quickly.”
To me, these critiques are all richly deserved – which is why I said them. But to my opponent, they’re “hate speech.”
I’ll admit, I have been guilty of the occasional metaphor. Also alliteration, allusion, analogy, anticlimax, antithesis, consonance, ellipsis, epanodos, euphemism, homography, hyperbole, mimesis, rhythm, rhyme, puns, sibilance, syncope, synecdoche, and my personal favorite, irony. Yes, I’m guilty, guilty, guilty. (Oh, God, there’s epanodos again.) When it comes to figures of speech, I’m a serial swiller.
And this revs up the right-wing indignation machine to 1,000,000 CPM (counterrevolutions per minute). All the conservative pearl-clutchers clutch their pearls. (What’s the phrase? “Pearls before swine”?) They fret about the corrosive effect of truth on civilization. And my opponent depicts stylistic devices as weapons of mass destruction.
The good people of Orlando, my fair city, have seen millions of dollars of Koch Brothers TV ads condemning me as a “national embarrassment” solely because I simply say what’s on my mind and – more often than not – what’s on your mind too. And to fight back, I need your help – today. Not tomorrow. Today.
We are approaching a point where every progressive candidate in America will face a choice: be neutered, or spayed. I am trying to demonstrate that there is a different way to do this job: say what you mean, mean what you say, fight like hell for what’s right, and win.
And we can win. But only with your help. Give us that help, right now.
I often portray what we do as a campaign for justice, equality and peace. But it’s also a campaign for intelligent, evocative, mental liberation. And against boring, clichéd tripe. Help us keep it going.
[Warning: double musical allusion below.]
Courage,
Rep. Alan Grayson
“I stand accused of the things I’ve said.”
● U2 and B.B. King, “When Love Comes to Town” (1988).
“You tell me it’s the institution.
Well, you know, you’d better free your mind instead.”
● The Beatles, “Revolution” (1968).
= new reply since forum marked as read
No effing shit. That's what I'm talking about.
