Men of Silicon Valley: We’re sexist, we just don’t know it.

[seabeyond]

As the event’s host introduced Kindara as an app to help women get pregnant, someone in the audience shouted “I can’t wait to see the demo!” Comments and puns continued after the pitch, many from the all-male panel of judges: “Fertile markets”, “market penetration”, etc., with a pretty giggly audience. It was all pretty juvenile. Clearly Kati’s startup was taken seriously, as she almost won, but it’s one more thing to have to play along with and endure. Kati chuckled along with everyone else, but I think that’s just a defense mechanism she’s employing. If I were Kati, what I would hear in those jokes is a discomfort among the men in the room when it comes to a woman talking seriously about a sexual issue, and I don’t think it’s a problem a man would face.

Women are a big market, maybe the biggest, and women founders and engineers bring a unique and needed perspective to female-specific pain points. We need them involved, but any women in the audience for the pitch listening to the juvenile wisecracks probably felt discouraged from doing something like this. Why would they want to put so much effort into starting a company if that’s what they would have to endure in front of hundreds of people every time they want to promote their business? To put it in user experience terms, some men in the room were adding unnecessary and unfair friction for women founders.

*

I’ve spoken to several female friends about this issue this week, both inside and outside of the tech community, and every one of them has stories to tell. Some of them are horrifying. With those experiences always in the back of women’s minds, is it any wonder than even little jokes can make them feel like outsiders who don’t belong in the room? For all you geeks who need data, check out NPR’s recent report on ‘stereotype threats.’ The research focuses on why women are leaving scientific fields, but it absolutely applies to tech as well. It’s eye opening, and something we need to be aware of. I think it’s fair to say based on my conversations with women that most of the ones in male-dominated industries like technology have a little voice in their head telling them that they don’t fit in, and they don’t belong, and they frequently have interactions and experiences with men which reinforce that idea. Overcoming that is a challenge most men can’t really appreciate.

*

The first step toward fixing a problem is recognizing that there is one. If you’re a guy reading this, you may be thinking “I’m not sexist! I treat everyone equally!” Maybe that’s true, but it’s more likely you just haven’t noticed. There is definitely a problem here of which we need to be self aware. I’m sure I’ve been guilty of it myself in the past, but I’m coming to realize that the little behavior changes men have when a woman walks in the room are noticed, and have a big impact.

http://sxates.com/personal/sexism-in-silicon-valley/

[ismnotwasm]

1. Hormones

Oh, for Gods sake, you'd think men don't have them, or react to them, (other than sex) you'd think that women have no choices on how TO react. Or, that every single hormonal influenced emotion is A Bad Thing. The ignorance of role of hormones in men and women is second only to the loud mouthing of opinions based on that lack of knowledge.

Giggling juvenile sex humor in a crowd never surprises me. Men are supposed to guffaw while women roll their eyes. Sex humor can be funny, right? If that mostly male conference had an app introduced on how to deal with a tiny penis they still would have laughed, while shifting uncomfortably in their seats. An app on how to deal with 'erectile dysfunction' would have also been greeted with laughter, followed by Serious Questions. Its all so dumbass for a room of smart people.

What is so fucking sad Is this

At conferences and meetups, she is constantly asked what she’s doing there. Men are always asking if she’s in marketing or PR or something, and nobody seems to takes her seriously as a hacker, at least not upon first meeting her.

As an introvert, it’s already difficult for her to attend events like this, but to then have to put up with everyone asking if she’s there with her boyfriend, or hitting on her, and not accepting her as one of their own because of how she looks makes the experience intolerable. She is now disengaged and working on her own, away from the support of the community. That’s a real shame, because Lauren is one of the coolest people I know, and would make any organization a better place

[seabeyond]

2. yes... it is amazing what our conditioned culture has us doing. i read an OP in the feminist forum

it was very good. it was saying (and i could identify in the past) that people do not want to believe this is conditioning creating these behaviors because it almost suggests we are weak willed, lol. i get that. i use to think that. and to go to biology, just who we are, innate is so much easier to accept.

in stepping thru my spiritual journey a decade ago, i saw that ego allowed me to see something in a very shallow manner that was consistently the opposite of truth. ego is trippy in that manner.

to appease our ego, we say we are not conditioned but it is biological and we cannot help it. yet reality is, saying it is biological and we cannot help it leaves us restricted. whereas recognizing it is conditioned allows us the opportunity to be our better self, authentic.

i cannot tell you how many times i hear about "emotions" as if men really have none, and women are controlled by them, living with men and boys that continually come to me emotionally to be stroked. truly amazing.

but, what i am hearing more of is women stepping away. the hostile environment causing women to say, enough. be it on the net or in a field and finding other ways to accomplish their goals. all of us should be ashamed when we do not recognize the wrong in this. all of us should be putting effort to not create an environment where women finally say, not getting support. cannot fight it on my own. i will find a different avenue to speak out, or a different manner to meet my goal.