Mira
Mira's JournalRepublicans Air Early Attack Ad on Newborn Clinton - little Charlotte already under fire / Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — A Republican Super PAC defended the broadcast, on Saturday morning, of an attack ad highly critical of Hillary Clinton’s newborn granddaughter, Charlotte, who was born on Friday.
The ad raises several serious questions about the newborn, at one point accusing her of being “related to Benghazi.”
In criticizing a one-day-old infant, the ad is believed to be the earliest political attack ad on record.
“Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky is fair game,” a spokesman for the Americans Concerned About Charlotte Super PAC said. “We have to assume that she is the presumptive Democratic nominee in 2052.”
www.borowitzreport.com
Cheney: “No Fair” That Obama Gets to Bomb Syria - his crying towel is held by Andy Borowitz
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a Thursday appearance on the Fox News Channel, former Vice-President Dick Cheney said that it was “no fair” that President Obama gets to bomb Syria.
“I’m envious as hell,” he told Fox’s Sean Hannity. “That was on my bucket list.”
Asked if he had any advice for the President on bombing Syria, Cheney said, “Just enjoy it. It doesn’t get any better than this.”
The former Vice-President struck a philosophical note at the conclusion of his interview with Hannity. “Look, I had a good run,” he said. “I got to bomb Afghanistan, and I got to do it to Iraq—twice. But to see someone finally get to bomb Syria and it’s not me? I’d be lying if I said that didn’t hurt like hell.”
www.borowitzreport.com
Career Insurance for NFL Players - Fitzsimmons 'toon makes it an easy premium to pay
Solly Mack and news as of tonight
Our good friend and fellow photographer is not doing very well. My having left the message of "I think of you daily and please let me know when you can" has brought a response just now.
A brief one.
She is in the hospital, and has been.
Our thought - prayers - mantras in meditation are all needed.
But then, there is hope. And there are miracles. And efforts to bring all of these are in motion, so contribute in your own ways.
Getting jerked up to grow up - a tale of learning about all the remotes.
Here’s what I did tonight (for about an hour)
I can only receive HBO on my big TV.
I keep subscribing to it to watch Bill Maher on Friday nights.
It was time today. Bill Maher was coming on. 10 o clock. repeat at 11
I was running a few minutes late, turned on the big Kino TV - did all I usually do, and could not get the channels to change to get HBO.
I am working with 5 remotes. I think I understand the purpose behind each of them. after all, I have a BluRay player, a basic DVD player, and a player that disregards regional codes so I can play international DVDs.
I’m set.
I could not get there. Simple HBO. Just was not coming in.
So I dismantle the get up that hides “the works” behind the TV, and start unplugging and re-plugging. Things reboot. Things respond. Lights go on and off. I’m on a roll.
Some of the plugs I can’t reach. So I get a big flashlight and a footstool and keep plugging along. One of the DVD players falls down behind the big TV - but nothing unplugs. No damage done.
Some of the colors don’t make sense, but the plug colors correspond and I continue.
All the time I remember the reverse bumpersticker on my dashboard that says: Everything will always work out for me.
I still have about 20 minutes left before the program repeats, so I know with everything working out for me being in the cards I’ll be fine when the time comes.
I keep on.
By now I have done all I can do, except I suddenly realize with the remote not giving me the channels - and remembering that was the original problem - I must have a problem with the remote not speaking to the TV.
So I confidently step up to the huge thing and say to myself, that I must be able to change channels directly. And sure enough I can with one of the buttons.
I start pushing the button.
I’m on channel 4 to start with, and need to go to 511.
I keep holding the button down, it keeps going up, and within acceptable time limits gets to 511.
On comes Bill Maher.
And it is last weeks show. Recorded.
I did not even know I could do that.
Empowered I sit down and start thinking.
How in the hell did all of that happen and not respond to today’s show?
So I take the remote that has the power to change channels while I walk into the kitchen while still thinking. I get a couple of new batteries and throw them in just for shits and giggles.
A big red light comes on in my hand.
I confidently step into my Kino room and push 511 for the channel I have been needing to be current.
And on comes the show.
Bill Maher’s today, Friday, current show.
Things are always working out for me.
I should never forget that when the going gets rough.
Queen Rips “Scottish Bastards” in Angry Televised Address - Borowitz was there
LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—In an eleventh-hour development that could have an unpredictable effect on the vote to determine Scottish independence, Queen Elizabeth II took to the British airwaves on Thursday to excoriate the Scots in a one-hour, profanity-laden tirade.
The Queen’s speech began with the phrase “Listen, you Scottish bastards,” and became steadily saltier as the monarch blasted her subjects for having the impudence to consider leaving the fold.
“I’ll make you heel like a litter of [Anglo-Saxon vulgarity] corgis,” she said, as her rage reached a crescendo.
After the speech, British Prime Minister David Cameron made a desperate attempt at damage control, hoping to distance himself from the Queen’s paint-peeling rant.
“The views of Her Majesty the Queen are her own,” he said in a hastily prepared statement. “Neither I nor my government consider the people of Scotland ‘bloody wankers.’
www.borowitzreport.com
Female G.O.P. Senators Propose Earning Seventy-one Per Cent As Much As Male Colleagues - exposed by
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Two days after voting against the Paycheck Fairness Act, a law that would help women to obtain equal pay, the four female Republicans in the United States Senate co-sponsored a bill that would slash their salaries to seventy-one per cent of what their male colleagues earn.
The senators—Kelly Ayotte (R-N.H.), Susan Collins (R-Maine), Deb Fischer (R-Neb.), and Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska)—said that the best way to take a stand against big government’s intrusive attempts to mandate equal pay for women was to take a twenty-nine-per-cent pay cut themselves.
“The days of the federal government forcing us to earn as much as male senators are over,” Ayotte said. “We will not stop fighting until we make twenty-nine per cent less.”
Fischer said that after voting down paycheck equity for women across America, the female Republican senators realized that they themselves were “burdened by the tyranny of equal pay” in the U.S. Senate.
“All we are asking for is the same freedom from equal pay that other American women enjoy,” Ayotte said.
Though the bill was just proposed on Wednesday morning, Murkowski said that it already has the unanimous support of male Republicans in the Senate.
www.borowitzreport.com
16 Of The Most Magnificent Trees In The World -
I pulled out three of them for you to see
The other 13 are at this link
http://themindunleashed.org/2014/08/16-magnificent-trees-world.html
This one I have actually seen with my own eyes, one of my peak life experiences. I almost broke my camera taking pictures falling all over my feet circling it.
I'm editing this -happy you are enjoying the trees- to confess that I was so taken with the Angel Oak in Charleston that after I came home I painted a huge oil painting of it. Tomorrow morning I will post a photo of that painting. DU has seen my photos - but I've never shown you a painting.
OK - as promised I show you my painting of the Angel Oak. It was in a closet, it's about 10 years old, and I needed the wallspace. But I am glad to see it again.
The Angel Oak in South Carolina stands 66.5 ft (20 m) tall and is estimated to be more than 1400 or 1500 years old. (Image credits: Daniela Duncan)
President, located in Sequoia National Park in California, stands 241 ft (73m) tall and has a ground circumference of 93 ft (28m). It is the third largest giant sequoia in the world (second if you count its branches in addition to its trunk). Do not miss the little red clad guy at the bottom - he made me chose this example - I could not believe it, only later did I notice the second guy near the top. (Image credits: Michael Nichols)
Beautiful Japanese Maple In Portland, Oregon
Integrity Disqualifies Sanders for White House--mournfuly reported by Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders’s potential bid for the 2016 Presidency was declared over, on Monday, before it even began, because of a key feature of the American political system that makes a person with integrity ineligible for the White House.
According to some experts, the electoral system has developed a number of safeguards over the past few decades to prevent someone with independence and backbone from occupying the Presidency.
“Bernie Sanders’s failure to become a member of either major political party excludes him from the network of cronyism and backroom deals required under our system to be elected,” said Davis Logsdon, a political scientist at the University of Minnesota. “Though that failure alone would disqualify Sanders, the fact that he is not beholden to a major corporate interest or investment bank would also make him ineligible.”
Because of his ineligibility, Logsdon said, the Vermont Senator would be unable to fund-raise the one billion dollars required under the current system to run for President. “The best source of a billion dollars is billionaires, and Sanders has alienated them,” he said. “Clearly he didn’t think this through.”
Logsdon said that Sanders might persist in his quest for the White House despite his ineligibility but that such an effort would be doomed to fail. “Our political system has been refined over the years specifically to keep people like Bernie Sanders out of the White House,” he said. “The system works.”
www.borowitzreport.com
Back tonight at 10 pm and 11pm / HBO = Bill Maher. Guests are, and some are stellar:
Nancy PelosiAndrea Mitchell
Haley Barbour (please, pardon the mention...)
Jon Huntsman
and Jerry Seinfeld.
I WILL BE WATCHING
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