sagetea
sagetea's JournalI think...
that I am lost. Is this the new DU4?
I mean, I am like really lost, is there a 'Home Page'?
sage
It's time to tell my story
WARNING the content of this message may not be suitable for all audiences.
This Epstein case has triggered many women like me. You see, I was a sex slave at least that was what I was being groomed for from age 11 to age 16 1979-1984. I've tried to write a book about this, even switching genres` to fiction, to self help, as a novel and on and on...the thing is, I get too emotional. Maybe I'm not done, maybe it's not the right time...who knows?
I first met the man who would later kidnap me at age 11. He was the first person, male or female to talk to me, let alone talk to me like an adult (because isn't that what all young girls want, to be spoken to and asked questions about their thoughts, ideas, and observations?) My mother was friends with his wife, she took me with her to their house and left me in the living room with him while they talked in the kitchen. I didn't know at that age that it was inappropriate for a man to hold the attention of a young girl the way he did with me, sending me flowers, seeking me out whenever his wife and mom were doing things together. The way he touched me. Kissing me...etc. That was at 11.
Touching became more and more inappropriate the older I got. When it finally came to a head (with sexual abuse) I was 14 and walking home from school, and stopping by their house, because, I did. His wife was gone (out of town) and he had a friend. They locked the doors and asked me if they could take 'pictures' of me...okay, I said. These men were just a few years younger than my own father. They kept me locked up in that house for the rest of that day and into the next. I finally got out and ran home. I couldn't tell my parents (because what do you say??? they were their friends!!) I kept silent, he kept abusing me until the day that my own mother gave me to him.
I'll call him 'Bob' You see, in the small town in Nevada, his family was a wealthy one, where as my family was not. While living with him, he gave me LSD because he wanted to see what a human could achieve if they used their whole brain. I was his test subject. he bathed me, dressed me, kept in a state of of perpetual psychosis. Never really knowing what was real and what was fake. Threatening me with death of family and myself. He kept giving me more and more drugs, LSD, heroin, cocaine, showing me how to ask for water, food, clothing. ( had to trade sexual favors for those luxuries to his friends, family, and men that paid.
When I was 16, just before my 17th birthday, he took me out of state, to a friend of his and kept me in a cage, in the basement. The abuse got worse, of course, I would be left alone for days at a time, no water let alone food, I can't tell you what I drank to survive, I think you get the jest of it though.
One time, just before I was rescued, I overheard him on the phone looking to sale me. At the time I remember being curious of how much I was worth. Bob, would go back to our little town and put the charm on the patrons of that town, because, he didn't look like the type to do what he was doing! He got busted for drugs though when they looked through his house, they saw the shackles, the photo albums, the clothing...etc. And they arrested him...sooo....
When I was rescued, I weighed 89 lbs. and wore children clothing. The person that rescued me, was a civilian, who got wind of Bob trying to sale (a girl) and he came up and convinced Bob that he could make me the best I would get the most money. He took me to Bob's now ex wife (the friend of my mothers) and while there, a detective came and arrested me for being a 'run away' and as he was questioning me (no parents, no advocate, nobody) he pulled out the photo albums and made derogatory comments about my body, hair, face, clothing. I blamed myself, I couldn't come up with a reason why Bob would do what he did to me, I was a very naive 16 yr. old. I suppose.
The state dropped the charges against Bob, but, threw me in jail.
I had nowhere to go, my parents truly believed I was a runaway, they didn't want me so, Bob's ex wife took me in. She told me that the reason she divorced Bob was because she was pregnant and they didn't't know if it was going to be a boy or a girl, bob wanted a girl, because as what he thought was his right, he must be the one to take her virginity. Se, she divorced him and ran away, which is when he took me. She felt at fault.
Children are resilient, I guess at least until they get older. At 17 Was out on a date at the Drive Inn, my mother and little brother in the lane next to us, when Bob came up to my date's window and started hitting him. the minute I heard his voice, I froze...and sang this certain song that he always sang to me when he would bathe me or rape me. I didn't even know until years later that my mother jumped out of her car and started hitting bob over the head with a rock...I just sat there singing like a lunatic! Oh well...
I ended up getting my life on track, got married to a wonderful man. had a daughter and had a blast raising her, teaching her things I never knew!
At 47, I stood up...that's the only way I can describe it, like a hen sitting on all her hatching eggs, I stood up, then all the regressed emotions, anger came out. Bob's son found me and asked if he could live with me (my daughter was away at school husband gone) and I let him. his mom had died and his dad (Bob) was very sick. With one condition he could not drink. he broke that within the first month and proceeded to tell me something his father made me do whenever I was in his presence, "You will sit in lotus position, nude, while in my presence." I never felt such anger. I kicked him out. I think Bob jr. came into my life so I would be one of the first people to know that Bob had died.
Within a month of Bob Jr. leaving, his dad Bob, died, he died drunk, alone, broke, and from MRSA. which is a very painful way to go. I think now, that I was finally given justice for what happened.
This was just one story ( a quick one at that) of one man in that whole web of men out there doing it. police officers visited me, while I was a sex slave, and prominent members of that small town. My life was threatened and I believed they would have done it too. I rarely talked about what happened, during those 30 yrs. I believed him all of them when they threatened.
But, after his death...oh my!!! I have told anyone who wanted to listen!! (and some who didn't !!!)
And since I found out about Epstein, the thought tickling my brain is...'what if, Bob had sold me???" "What if he was waiting for some old, rich, white dude to buy me???" I am ever so blessed that I was rescued!
I'm sorry, to tell this like this, but, man oh man, have I got PTSD with that fucking Epstein! I am so angry, I feel like I could send fire out from my fingertips!!!
Ho`
sage
Even though I was at Standing Rock
and felt the energy and the inclusiveness of many red and brown people of the First Nations, the generosity of white people, the shared commissary of black people, the compassion of the yellow people of those who are Spiritual, Religious, Scientific, vegan, vegetarian, meat eaters. We all came together, we loved each other, helped each other and listened to each other. My hope is that what was inspired there would overcome the common greed around the world. Anyway, this video gave me chills, maybe because I was there and that will be with me always and this video reminds me of it. I hope you folks enjoy it!
A'ho
sage
Profile Information
Member since: Thu Jul 26, 2007, 11:13 AMNumber of posts: 1,368
