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Ms. Toad

(34,193 posts)
14. It will be interesting to see where this goes.
Sat Jun 18, 2016, 04:12 PM
Jun 2016

The scenario is a bit different than the typical finding a donor father I have mostly run across. (Frankly, I haven't found anyone else who "randomly" donated to the same genetic matching service as their biological parent and found a direct parent-child match. Typically, the donorsiblings find each other and/or piece things together via finding other blood relatives. Dads who don't want to be found typically don't donate - but their kids/parents/siblings who are unaware of what might be uncovered do.)

We don't know why they donated DNA (both husband and wife did). My daughter (wisely) has been letting them call the shots. The only specific request she made was for medical information. They made the initial contact, and they are the ones who suggested s meeting, and then the specific date and circumstances for the meeting, so it is something other than generosity at work here.

As to financial support, if anything, I'm far more concerned that they may attempt to buy her affection if they don't approve of our family. Lifestyle/money seems to be a key difference between their family and ours.

We'll see - it could go a number of different ways! (And as soon as they reached out to us, we had a frank talk with our daughter about the entire range of possibilities.)

(As background, I grew up in a family with adopted siblings. They have all found their parents and siblings. My brother recently died, and two of the last 3 people to spend time with him were his biological mother and his half-sibling. There's biological family, and true family, and they don't always stay in their own separate boxes. Sometimes that works well - other times it doesn't (or goes back and forth between being fantastic and being barely tolerable). My siblings' experience was part of the conversation with our daughter about the variety of ways this could play out.)

Good luck to ALL! elleng Jun 2016 #1
Thanks! n/t Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #6
fascinating JI7 Jun 2016 #2
I'll post something - Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #5
What to call them? SCantiGOP Jun 2016 #3
That would be the best outcome! Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #4
What a complicated mix of feelings you are experiencing today, Ms Toad. pnwmom Jun 2016 #7
Complicated mix about describes it! n/t Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #12
I have a feeling this is going to turn out so well for all of you. Since "Dad" didn't reject your monmouth4 Jun 2016 #8
I hope so! Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #10
Why has your family gotten a lot of PR? 7962 Jun 2016 #20
More than our share of LGBT firsts in our family. Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #21
WOW. So you also have a lot of courage! Thank you for the info. nt 7962 Jun 2016 #23
Nope. I just do what gets put in front of me. Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #24
Wow - thanks for sharing this story! tosh Jun 2016 #9
Keeping my fingers crossed! n/t Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #11
Call them by their names Warpy Jun 2016 #13
It will be interesting to see where this goes. Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #14
You raised a smart kid Warpy Jun 2016 #15
Not one, but two illnesses - Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #17
Blessings and the best of luck to all. What a lot of complicated emotions... Hekate Jun 2016 #16
That captures it pretty much perfectly. Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #18
Amazing story. Thanks. Ash_F Jun 2016 #19
Best of luck to all of you! smirkymonkey Jun 2016 #22
You call them family connections... And hope that your daughter forms a warm 1monster Jun 2016 #25
You can call them "In laws" -- or, if they have a sense of humor "outlaws!" MADem Jun 2016 #26
Nothing that suggests tolerance (or not) on FB. Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #28
Wishing everyone the best possible outcome through a stressful time ... slipslidingaway Jun 2016 #27
She's gone for the day! Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #29
So far, so good! Ms. Toad Jun 2016 #30
I'm so happy for both of you that it went as well as it did. pnwmom Jun 2016 #31
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