Gentle Giant weight loss and recuperation thread #2

[Systematic Chaos]

12/17/06 - Day 89

First off, let me start this by saying yes, it really is me posting this time and not Jeanette. After 10 days at the hospital I am finally back home! :)

I have so much to say right now that I have not a clue where to even begin. I suppose it would be easiest to just give a chronological rundown of how my hospital stay went, but then after that I have so much more to talk about including the fact that one of my best friends is staying with us now and he is facing a lot of similar problems to mine. In fact, we had to have him taken to the hospital just yesterday. I kid you not....

Going back to Dec. 8, which was the day I ended up admitted to the hospital. I showed up for my wound care visit with Jeanette, who had just been approved for the same four 10-hour day schedule at work which I have. The doctor came in and noticed that my left shin was really flaring up, and that my left foot and right shin were not really progressing much (but thankfully not relapsing either). In addition, there was an odor and coloration emanating from the left shin which was not at all good. They made some calls to admissions in the main hospital building and I went ahead and walked the short downhill trip (which took just about everything I had energywise). There was a bit of a wait while the insurance aspect of all this was sorted out, so Jeanette and I went ahead and bought some lunch at the cafeteria. I had a plate of salad and a bowl of macaroni salad on the side, with a banana. A while later I was taken by wheelchair to a private room, which I thought was very nice. I kept the same room for the entire ten days, which made things easy. I gave my keys, wallet and other unnecessary items to Jeanette to take back home and she spent most of the evening with me, as well as a good chunk of Saturday and Sunday.

On the plus side, I had access to pain management when I needed it, and this facilitated plenty of opportunity to exercise and gain my stamina back without undue pain. I spent many sessions doing squats in my room, or marching in place for several minutes at a time, picking my feet up as high as I could until the muscles in my thighs began to cramp. Near the end of the stay I could remain on my feet doing this for well over fifteen minutes at a stretch without feeling overexerted or having the pain in my lower back which became almost unbearable as my weight increased this year due to so little physical activity. I was also kept on a low-calorie diet which, while it could have been much healthier, still allowed me to reduce my appetite so that now I'm satisfied on much less food. My sweat pants which I could barely squeeze into on the 8th now are much more comfortable. I have no way of knowing how much weight I dropped, as I will explain shortly, but I would bet money it was a pound a day or more for the duration of my stay.

In the negative column, we have quite a few things. First of all, the bed I had was certainly able to handle my weight, but it wasn't designed to be very comfortable and was simply way too narrow. I asked about getting something larger but apparently there was little they could do. I had a lot of back pain when I woke up, and many times my entire butt fell asleep when I was on my back, even when I had the bed set up in more of a sitting position. Next, one of the nurses almost gave me the wrong medication entirely one time, and if I hadn't been paying very close attention I could have been in serious trouble. Other than that one episode, everything else went smoothly enough in that regard. For a time I was on intravenous antibiotics and on the last night I had the dubious pleasure of getting several cc of saline pumped and some antibiotic pumped not into my bloodstream, but rather into one localized area of my forearm due to either the vein collapsing or the needle slipping out. I discovered this when the normal burn from a saline flush was only getting stronger after half an hour, and part of my arm was very swollen. I came very close to losing it at that point because never before in my life had I even been on an IV and I didn't even know such a thing could happen. Another stupid thing was that there was no scale in the entire hospital that could weigh even a 500 lb. patient. I think the highest went to 450, and I'm still at least a little over that, so I can only guess what my real weight is. My primary doctor's scale weighs to 440 or 450, and I fully expect to be able to get a reading from it once I see him again. When I do, I'll post it here.

On a more serious note, there were a couple of really petty delays which I believe caused my stay to be unnecessarily extended by at least 3 or 4 days. First, it was discovered that the operating tables at the facility were only made to hold 300 lbs. Now, I am guesstimating that at this point I'm in the 460's. I know that's pretty damn huge, but the first nurse who saw me upon arrival herself admitted to seeing people in excess of 600 lbs. come through there. Before my antibiotic regimen was changed from IV to oral, there was a two day snafu over how they were going to insert the PICC line (otherwise known as a semi-permanent IV line) into my upper arm. It was finally decided that they could simply do it right at my bed. Just as the team came up to do it, the infectious disease specialist who was assigned to me decided that I appeared to be healing okay and that the regimen could be done orally. The very next day, it was decided that I should have the complete angiogram-style dye test done on the arteries and veins in my legs to check for clots. To me, this makes perfect sense. However, after another two days of hemming and hawing, it was found that neither would the operating table respond to the Anthony Robbins seminar on overachievement nor could I magically lose 50+ lbs. per day for three days straight. It took them that long to remember that which they already knew. :eyes: Therefore, they just went with the far inferior ultrasound test on the veins and arteries in my thighs. The lower legs couldn't even be checked due to the presence of my wounds and bandages applied thereto. As if this weren't all upsetting enough, I then had to wait another three days just for everyone to figure out which kind of medicated wrappings they wanted to use on my legs while I heal. At first, they mentioned some other type of thing only to find that they didn't have it. So then, they switched it to this stuff called Unaboot and that took until today to finally show up. I was beginning to think that I was the first recorded case of obesity-related circulation problems in the history of mankind and that the treatments were being invented on the fly or something. Jeanette and I were both extremely adamant that come today, there was to be no more screwing around and that I would be coming home fully treated and ready for home care to take over, unless it could be shown that I had a blood clot which required further treatment. I guess someone finally got the idea.

One final rant I have is about the extremely questionable food choices not only where I was, but at hospitals in general. I consider myself fortunate to be someone who can't stand eggs unless they are extremely well cooked and then smothered in so much ketchup or other crap that they're no longer detectable to the palate. I am in the predicament I'm in because of bad food choices in spite of having enough information to know better, so at least eggs are one less thing I need to worry about when depression drives me to want to dig my own grave with a knife and fork. :P My question then is why would a hospital, whose job it is to try and help people like me turn their lives around ever in a million years want to offer me the equivalent of an Egg McMuffin on the diabetic breakfast menu? Why are so many of the choices, even for diabetics, heavy in enriched bread and pasta when there are whole grain and sprouted grain options easily available (especially to a hospital, one would think) which are far more suitable? Even before I was forced to spend my time getting more intensive care to help turn myself around, I was already planning on going back to the type of diet which has allowed me to lose weight in the past and thrive without feeling deprived - at least until horrible depression set in, at which point I didn't really care. Where were beans as an excellent protein source? I had that option all of once in ten days, and everything else was chicken, fish, and so forth which are high in unassimilable protein and therefore hard on the kidneys. I mean, given that I was on large doses of antibiotics which are known to cause massive stomach discomfort and gas, are a few good bean toots such a horrible thing? While the overall taste and presentation of the meals was fairly good, I felt that I was forced to make a number of compromises against what I consider to be a suitable meal plan, just to be able to eat. The two times I had Jeanette bring me food from outside, I ate it in lieu of the hospital food and I did my best to keep it as healthy as possible. One time, I had a couple of the $1 CBR burritos from El Pollo Loco which consist only of pinto beans, rice and a bit of cheese in a tortilla. The other I had her bring me a couple of sub sandwiches the same way Jared from Subway did; one veggie, one turkey, no cheese. Still high in refined carbs but nice and low in fat. I think I did pretty well overall, and now I have the chance to do even better because there just isn't a need to buy any more food out, since grocery delivery is available.

I need to tell you all about one of my best friends, who is staying with us now. I will get into that more after I get up tomorrow, because it's getting late now and Jeanette needs to go to bed for work tomorrow and I am flat out exhausted. It makes for another very interesting story, but I think you will agree that the situation presents a very good opportunity to me and it is yet another reason for me to get better and do the right things by myself. I feel more positive about my prospects than at any time since this foot condition started.

[Systematic Chaos]

1. Here's the information I promised about my good friend.

As I have already explained, I have someone staying with us who has been a friend of mine for nearly 20 years. I met him in 1990 when I got a job at a nearby 7-11 immediatlely after I turned 21. We both ended up working a lot of busy swing shifts together, and I discovered that the two of us have eerily similar senses of humor. He is 17 years older than I am so when I met him he was almost the same age I am now. But enough of the algebra lesson.... :P

The two of us looked pretty similar and everyone thought we were related, and back then I was about 260 and gaining and he was somewhat heavier. As I learned more about him I discovered that the two of us had both had a lot of painful life experiences and we always made it a point to be there for each other when we were depressed. In fact, there have been three times in my life where I either had nowhere else to go or had a home over an hour from Vegas, and I either lived at his place or stayed on his couch during the work week to avoid destroying my car until I could move back to town. The decision to have him come and share our space was a total no-brainer, and Jeanette was happy to have him as well.

I don't feel it is my place to explain exactly why he has his weight issues, but I do know that while I have spent years seesawing from one extreme to the other, he had consistently been of the attitude that his health didn't mean a whole lot. Recently, though, that has been forced to change. For the past few years, he has had serious edema in his legs as well as cellulitis infections, and only once for a brief period did he try to see doctors for it. Being without a car and reliable transportation made doing so extremely hard on him, to be sure, and the fact that different specialists are scattered to the four winds sure doesn't help. Anyway, over the last year or so he had been having shortness of breath and occasional coughing spells on top of everything else. For a long time I thought it was due to the fact that his former landlord didn't keep the old apartment he was living in up to spec. There was mold in places and at the end he had the world's worst bug infestation which also affected the adjoining unit in his duplex, but the owner of the property did jack shit about it. I figured that maybe his problem was due to mold and the bugs, but after he had been with us for over a week it was clear that it was more than that.

Finally, this past Saturday, he called me at the hospital while Jeanette was visiting and it was all too apparent that he couldn't even move around much without gasping for air. I had Jeanette go home to check him out and we decided that night to call the paramedics and have him taken to the hospital. It was determined that he has heart failure, but all things considered it is actually a mild case and treatable with diet and exercise. That in and of itself I consider to be a miracle of sorts given that he's in his mid 50's. He also may have blood clots in his legs and or lung (!) and so far as I know they are checking for that in a much more thorough manner than I was during my own stay. Otherwise, his vitals are not wonderful but they're not horrible either given his other symptoms. The two of us had some long talks about food and diet, and I think that we're actually going to be able to agree on a lot of topics now. He threw away his salt on his own, and is prepared to give up prepared foods for more fresh vegetables, beans, rice and so forth. Other than some lean poultry or seafood here and there, our food around the house is going to be low in sodium and fat, and rich in important nutrients and phytochemicals from salads and so on.

Two things I'm not sure about right now are when he's coming back home, or how this will all be paid for. He lost his job at a gas station a while ago when the place closed down, and his unemployment is long exhausted. We had loaned him several hundred dollars but it became clear that he was in no condition to work, and besides that he needed to get the eff out of that hellhole he was living in. So, despite the fact that our place is small Jeanette was more than happy to have him come here to stay. We're going to get him on disability and any other public assistance he will qualify for, and I'm going to help keep his diet on the right track. I actually outweigh him by a bit at this point, but now that we have both had our health addressed and properly treated I think things will turn out okay. We've always been very supportive of each other, and now for the first time we're on the same page about our weight and health issues.

On a side note, I made an online order from Albertson's last night and other than a some shrimp, imitation crab and a bit of lowfat cheese the whole $180 was spent on vegetables, low fat and fat free dressings, salt free seasonings, popcorn for our air popper rather than chips and crap... all stuff like that. I have plans to stop by a Meditteranean market soon so I can buy the sesame tahini needed to make homemade hummus and baba ganosh to use on sandwiches in place of mayo. For myself I have the luxury of preparing huge batches of sodium- and fat-free salsa from fresh onions, tomatoes and jalapenos to satisfy my cravings for hot foods that I alone get around here. Also there will only be two kinds of bread in the house before long, those being seeded whole grain, and sprouted grain. We have loads of potatoes and brown rice, and various fruits to eat instead of other sweets. I went through our fridge a while ago and took anything that was high and sugar or TFA's and tossed it. Mostly that consisted of stuff from my friend's refrigerator that he brought over, like a container of frosting and some kind of breakfast bars based on candy, plus some kind of sugary iced coffee flavorings. Nobody in this house needs that stuff when oranges, pears and apples are both sweet and tasty without all the harmful stuff.

My friend actually got himself a screen name here back when he was coming over to learn how to type and use the computer, but he doesn't have a star and hasn't really spent much time on the site. When he comes back I will buy him a star if he wants it and encourage him to come and say hi. It will be interesting to see how this all pans out and for myself I'm feeling pretty optimistic. I don't think either of us is going to need WLS but I'll still pursue it if it proves to be the best course of action. I should note that my insurance appears to not be willing to pay for it, so it may not even be an option anyway. On one hand it pisses me off, but on the other it gives me powerful incentive to stay focused.

[GardeningGal]

2. Glad to see you back posting GG.

I've been checking every day to see if there was an update from you. I'm glad you were able to get some treatment in the hospital and I hope it solves your issue with trying to heal your wound. That can get pretty scary.

Best of luck to you, Jeanette and your friend.

[Systematic Chaos]

3. Thank you!

I will be in this forum a lot while I'm convalescing to keep everyone apprised of how I'm doing.

Today is a good day so far. Haven't had all that much to eat and frankly haven't been terribly hungry. I finished up some tofu with broccoli, peas and corn this morning, and had the last of some peanuts not too long ago. I'm trying to hold out for the grocery delivery to make a salad later, but if not then there are still lots of frozen vegetables in the freezer. I'm going to get on the recumbent bike for a while after this and wait for a call from my home care provider, then probably take a nap in a bit.

As for my friend (whose name is Joe BTW), I just spoke with him. He'll be at the hospital longer than at first thought. His blood pressure is good and everything, but they're making him use bottles and bed pans rather than the bathroom because his heart rate shoots up too high when he gets up and moves around. Also, they're feeding him several small portions throughout the day instead of just three larger meals. I don't know for sure how his blood sugar is because he hasn't been given a result but it wouldn't shock me to learn it's at least a bit high. I'll be back when I know more.

[lavenderdiva]

4. hey, Gentle Giant!

I'm so glad to see you back and posting! You must be on the mend. Please thank Jeanette for her updates, and keeping us in the loop about your condition.

You are doing a tremendous job in keeping on track, and that's really something, considering all that you have been thru lately!

Please give our best to your friend, Joe. I look forward to his posts, in the near future, as I'm sure he will have a lot to offer our group in here!!

Sending hugs to both you and Jeanette: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Systematic Chaos]

5. I'm working on it and while I'm not out of the woods by far,

I still insist that I can pull this off.

I spent my day today watching the first two episodes of "America's Biggest Loser" which I had Jeanette download for me with bit torrent while I was in the hospital. I happened to catch the finale of it completely by accident while flipping through the limited channels they had, and watching that really must have tripped some switch in my head. While watching those shows I did at least 40 to 50 minutes between my recumbent bike and marching in place. Please bear in mind that I couldn't stand for 5 minutes in the shower without so much pain in my legs and back that I thought I was going to end up stuck in the tub, just a few short weeks ago. Today, in addition to all that exercise I also did a sink full of dishes, prepared some stir-fry vegetables and then did those dishes after I ate. My thighs feel like they've been pounded to pulp with a meat tenderizer, but I'm just thrilled to see any sort of progress at all after losing so much mobility and enduring so much pain before this hospital stay.

Another thing I haven't mentioned yet is that my original wound on my foot is really starting to come along. The worst thing I'm dealing with now is the newest ulceration that bloomed on my left shin about a month ago, but even that seems to have hit a brick wall and should begin to mend up soon. The swelling in my legs is all but totally gone now, and that was in spite of spending at least half of each day on my feet or sitting on the edge of my hospital bed with my feet on the floor. I did elevate them when I could, but it's hard to stay motivated to do that when your entire ass is numb from the bed you're in. :)

I can actually plan to move around the apartment a little bit every day now, keeping up with the cleaning our place desperately needs. I felt so down because it was literally impossible for me to sweep or mop our tile floor or even do more than a couple of dishes without wanting to cry from the pain. I tried to keep my chin up and stay active here posting and stuff, but I have to be honest and say that I was ready to throw in the towel and rot in a damn wheelchair. Stick a fork in him, he's done and whatnot. And yes, there were way too many times when I ate the wrong things and too much of them.

[Broken_Hero]

6. I'm glad that you are back home...

:hug: I hope you start feeling better soon, and that your holidays are in spent with good company, and lots of cheer....:D

[Systematic Chaos]

7. Welcome to Wits' End: Population 1

I'm not even sure what to say, honestly. I forced myself to come back into this forum, which I have avoided like the plague for months, and try to talk about what is happening because I have never needed support more than now. In a nutshell, my so-called "recuperation" damn near killed me for lack of activity (which is mostly my fault because I DO have a great piece of exercise equipment but that stuff can't help you when it's being used as a rack to store boxes of shit on) and things are barely in what could be called a holding pattern.

I'm so full of anger and disappointment at myself that it's hard to retain any semblance of control. I'm not violent against people in the physical sense, so I'm not talking about beating up on people, but when I'm in an off mood I can get more demanding and verbally out of control than chef Gordon Ramsay of Hell's Kitchen fame, sometimes without any reason. Today, while Jeanette was at work and I stayed home -- something I do a lot and soon I might lose my job on top of everything else -- I stood there while our roommate Joe was back sleeping on our bed. I looked at that recumbent bike and kept stewing over how I haven't used it in so long. Then I was thinking to myself how in the fuck will I ever lose weight if I don't use it? I finally went over, took all the stuff that was on top of it and between it and the wall and threw it carelessly into any other spot I could find, and in the process almost passed out and also managed to strain one of my knees. I still got on the thing for a few minutes, taking it slowly, until my diuretic kicked in for the 47th time today and I had to run to the bathroom. The recumbent is back out where I can use it, and I would rather throw away all of the crap that it was buried under (stuff that we never touch and could live without) than allow it to go into disuse again. It is the only thing that will save me. There isn't going to be any surgery, even though I would gladly go in for a procedure that would force me to eat less. My insurance company has me so fucking mad that I almost had a pre-tantrum tantrum over just trying to find a new primary doctor today who would be closer to home. I went to their online provider list and ended up getting doctors who were in facilities who only offered urgent care and would take no long-term patients (not noted in the directory, of course). I called more than a few numbers and got billing offices for clinics which had closed locations in my area (not updated in the directory, of course). I finally found a real doctor on the 7th or 8th call, and thank goodness he's right off a bus route and less than 3 miles away. I consider this a chance to start over after losing my former doctor, who was excellent even though he was very far away.

I was let out of St. Rose De Lima Hospital (and I've read a lot of negative comments about Catholic hospitals here on DU so maybe there's something to that?) not knowing exactly what my weight was, only that it was over 450 which is what their best scales maxed out at. I was not given IV antibiotics even though those were initially promised me. I was never given more than ultrasound tests on my legs above the knee, because the equipment for the cat-scan or MRI or whatever the fuck it was couldn't hold more than 300 lbs. I was not moved to another facility when it was determined that I couldn't get the full range of diagnostics and treatment I should have had. It took these idiots nearly three days to get one pair of Unnas Boots for me and find someone to do a thoroughly inept job of applying them to my legs (almost stopped my circulation in the left leg and I had to remove it myself a couple days later). Once I was out, I was assigned a home nurse who was to treat me with Unna Boots to help my wounds to heal. I found out at the last minute that I had to purchase those myself. The people at the home care had a supplier who wanted to charge me well over $10 each, or over $300, for the number of Unnas I would need. I immediately started searching for them online and found them for under $6 each on ebay. Same exact product, but without the calamine lotion added. So, for over 3 months I stayed in the apartment. No shit, I never got outside ONCE because I had no shoes to wear due to all the stuff on my feet. I healed up except for wounds on the big and second toes of my left foot by the time I had to go back to work. All we could do at that point was buy me a pair of New Balance walking shoes made for people with foot problems (a larger toe area) in size 13 6E. That, and keep my legs in compression stockings and diabetic socks.

I was advised that I should get physical therapy, but only a couple weeks before I was due to go back to work. I already knew I had lost all of my energy, strength and stamina. I initially balked at the PT, saying that it wouldn't be enough to help if I could only go one day a week when they wanted me in at least 3 times a week. Only one day was possible due to my work schedule plus the fact that they, like everything else in "24-hour Vegas", weren't open late or on weekends. When I finally broke down and said I'd do it, it was like watching the fucking Laurel and Hardy show trying to get everything scheduled with them and make them understand that I NEEDED to have rides and also could only come once a week. They finally got me scheduled for an intake meeting, only to call me a couple days later and say "ZOMG d0od we cant take ur inshurence u iz in da shit!11!!eleven!!" I laughed until I cried after hanging up the phone that day.

My first day back to work I nearly died just trying to ride my bike to the bus stop (2 blocks), or walk the length from the bike rack to the break room of my job (maybe 150 feet). I was completely out of breath just going to the bathroom and back and I seriously thought I was going to drop dead at my desk. I had pain in my lower back and hips that I can't even really describe, and to this day I still do just not quite as bad. I somehow managed to make it through a second day of this only to wake up the third morning almost unable to go the 5 feet from the bed to the bathroom. I slept that entire day and went in on Thursday. The second week I made it through the first three days only to have to call in on Thursday. In the last 3 months, I have been plagued with anxiety attacks and insomnia, plus something that turned my stool so insanely acidic that a trip to the bathroom was my worst nightmare. I think it was the high-strength prescription naproxen that I was given for joint pain. I stopped taking that stuff and at least the bowel trouble went away, but not until it aggravated other problems from a few years ago that I thought were gone for good.

My left foot is still not healed, my right foot is back in on the act, and I also have a new ulcer in full bloom on my left leg due to an accidental bump with someone's huge-ass duffle bag on the bus. I look at my legs wrong and they threaten to ulcerate. No kidding. And this is with the help of compression and taking every possible precaution except staying permanently in bed. I've gone back to treating the legs with straight cayenne pepper powder (yes, directly applied to the open wounds) to force blood flow to the tissues, because I can't go through another round of what I had last winter. It hurts like you wouldn't believe for about an hour, but I know from past experience that it forces scabbing and healing. It's the best thing for internal ulcers too, I shit you not. I can't coordinate more wound care visits when I am forced to work (when I can that is). And I am NOT going back to the wound care at St. Rose De Lima. Fuck that! Hell, I can't AFFORD it. Jeanette and I are in arrears $800 to two payday loan companies, and they take almost $160 in intrest from us every two weeks. Joe isn't doing well, and he has yet to get any income of his own coming in. I'm going to have to get on his case about that, as much as I hate the thought. He's at least as sick as I am, and he's stuck with buses just like we are. Social Services, the VA, or someone had better give him some food stamps or something. If not for Jeanette and I the guy would be in the streets. What the fuck??

So, that's me and my hideously degraded emotional and physical condition. That's what has kept me away from here and too scared to express what is on my mind. I am going to stick with the exercise now and hope and pray to whatever diety may care that I can turn this around before it's too late. Maybe my new doctor will have a trick or two up his sleeve, but if not at least I can force him to take me off Avandia for my blood sugar and put me back on old-fashioned glucophage and metformin. I can't believe I'm taking something that could kill me when I'm already weak and get winded crossing the street on my bike.

Oh, and what sucks the most, at least concerning this forum, is the departure of AuntAgonist. I read about that and it was the straw that broke the camel's back concerning coming here. I miss her horribly, and I'm willing to bet I'm not the only one.

No promises on when I'll post again. Maybe if I don't set any expectations at all it will prove to be the thing that actually motivates me. Who knows? :shrug:

[Longhorn]

8. While I'm sorry to hear about your medical woes, I'm so glad to see you post here again

Remember, this is not a group for perfect people! We can only do the best that we can and you won't find more understanding people than here!

Because of YOU, I got a recumbent exercise bike and I replaced a recliner in my living room with it. As long as I'm sitting here, I might as well be moving something! I've also been walking my dogs every morning. I'm lucky that, to my knowledge, my health is not suffering from my excess weight but I've decided that I'm going to focus on good health practices and not what the scales say.

I hope you and your doctors can get you back on track very soon! :hi:

This forum has been pretty quiet and with so many folks gone, I hadn't realized that AuntAgonist was gone. What happened?

[Systematic Chaos]

9. I don't know exactly, but it appears to be due to negativity on other forums.

She got fed up and said good-bye about 3 months ago, maybe a bit more. I think I might actually have her phone number if the message is still in my inbox. That actually just now occurred to me because my wife mentioned it ages ago. She sent it to Jeanette while I was in the hospital. I will make it a point to track that down and give her a call this weekend.

But she was both a success story here, and a linchpin IMHO.

On edit - And I almost forgot. You've really made my morning brighter telling me that I was an inspiration to you. I'm glad you are exercising more because of my posts. I get so down at times like this that it's natural for me to assume I have the usefulness of a crate of rotten cabbage. :eyes: I'll try to clear out some of the bad thoughts and think more positive. :)

[Longhorn]

10. On other DU forums?

I can't say I would be shocked. So-called progressives can be quite nasty. I usually stay out of those discussions and assume I'm reading the rants of children (though I'm afraid that is wishful thinking.) I'm sorry if they managed to push AuntAgonist away. :(

You are inspiring because, in spite of the medical problems you were having, you still hauled your butt to work, riding a bike, riding the bus, walking -- whatever it took -- when most of us hop in our cars and complain if we have to park a little further away! You had a million and one excuses you could have used on why you couldn't exercise, yet you exercised anyway. When things got tough for you or Jeanette, you just got tougher. And here you are now, facing your obstacles, when you could have just disappeared from this forum. How can I give up when you're still plugging away? :)

That said, I realize you've had some setbacks but please don't punish yourself. You've proven that you're worth the effort to get your life back and you're still a young man with so much ahead of you. From what I can tell, Jeanette agrees with me! :)

I'm looking forward to further updates, and hope they're good ones, but I'll be here for you, just the same. :hi:

[Systematic Chaos]

11. You're gonna make me start bawling on the job.

Of course, 3rd party websites are supposed to be off limits, but I only visit here when not on the phone. :)

Thank you so much, what you have just said really hit home. I will do my utmost to get back on the ball and hopefully this time things will start working out.

[auntAgonist]

12. G.G.

thank you so very much for your kind words. You brought me out of hiding. I'm so very sorry things aren't going well at this time. I hope and pray things get better for you and Jeanette. It's good to see you posting again. I've thought of you often and wondered how you're doing.
I still have no real desire to post anywhere else on DU, but I did want to check in and have been reading the weight loss forum.

We had to put our loved pet down yesterday and so if my post seems fragmented and without form please accept my apology.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=243&topic_id=26766&mesg_id=26766


I just have a hard time putting things into words today. Maybe tomorrow will be better eh?

much love and best wishes to you and yours.

I'll try to post again later.


aA
kesha

[Longhorn]

13. You know you're always loved and appreciated here

and the Pets Group and other groups, I'm sure. Sometimes, these are the only places I go on DU, especially when DUers begin to turn on one another.

Other than losing your sweet Tarn, I hope everything else is going okay! :hug:

[Systematic Chaos]

15. Oh this is just WONDERFUL!!

Thank you for coming back!!

Please, if the rest of this place really annoys you that much, then forget it exists. It's not worth it to be stressed out over certain people. Trust me, I know the feeling because my favorite forum here besides this one is Environment/Energy. There is a pro-/anti-nuclear debate going on there which I am extremely passionate about. You can figure out which side I'm on if you want by reading some of my posts there; that topic does not belong here and I respect anyone who would disagree with my position. But sometimes I just get so annoyed by certain members that I have to stay away for a while.

But when I'm here, I can talk just about my life and how I'm feeling and there's no need to bring politics or personal viewpoints - with the exception of nutrition - into the discussion. And it does help me posting here. There's not doubt about that. I just have this problem with expressing myself sometimes when I'm down and it has a lot to do with my childhood environment. In a nutshell, I lost my father at the age of 6 and my mother was a supreme narcissist. I rarely heard about anything except her "problems", and when I needed help I was either criticized or just blown off. I will never forget that for as long as I live, but hopefully in time I will be able to better cope and not stay in a shell when it would be better for me to communicate.

Again, thank you so much for posting here again. I hardly know you other than your personal stories about weight loss and such, but nonetheless your presence here is something this forum is all the better for.

I'm gonna go read about your pet now. I'm sorry for your loss AuntA. Having four cats ourselves, two of which are now officially seniors (over the age of 7), I'm always afraid of something happening to one of them.

:hug: :yourock: :hug:

[Broken_Hero]

14. .........

:hug:

I'm really at a loss of words when it comes to your medical struggles...I have hope, that eventually you will overcome them, and get better/healthy.

I know the feeling, about not exercising....but I hope that you realize, and understand...that you have a friend in me, and you don't have to be afraid, nor fear posting in here. I'm here for support, I'm here to help...I'm going through the motions of weight loss, which are depressing/mindless at times.

Oh, and...nice to see you back, I missed ya, :D

:hi:

[Systematic Chaos]

16. Thank you petersond.

I think part of what brought me out of hiding was really looking at your own thread, and seeing that you were doing a spot-on job of regaining your initiative and dropping pounds. I am very impressed with your progress, and while I know you've had some rough spots recently I have every confidence that you will remain on the "straight and narrow".

I have been exercising a bit more, and also I have been trying to restrict my calories to a level that is good for weight loss without the threat of feeling deprived (about 1800 a day). I have been eating a lot of brown rice with just a bit of TFA-free margarine (about 2/3 tsp per cup of rice) and various types of Mrs. Dash. With the Extra Spicy kind, I might as well be eating my favorite Mexican meal because the spice signature of that stuff turns plain rice into something wonderful. I also have beans and vegetables now and again, as well as the occasional treat, but within reason.

Throughout this past 18 months or so, I've been from 402 to 450+ but have been wearing the same clothes throughout. My shorts, which were too baggy to wear without a belt, are now just a bit snug. When I first went back to work I almost couldn't get them on. My pain levels are dropping overall, and while the cayenne I'm putting on my wounds does burn quite a bit immediately after it's applied, the sensation turns into a healing itch sooner and sooner every time and there is ample evidence that the worst area on my left leg is closing and scabbing over. I should have been using the cayenne from the day the home nurse left, but I wanted to believe that I'd heal okay without it. I wish I had access to white oak bark because that is another natural compound with astounding healing, as well as antibiotic, properties.

One other thing. I went ahead and downloaded a torrent of Sicko last night. Sorry for the unethical behavior but I'm not prepared to try and navigate the buses and the huge parking lot and building area of a casino to see the movie in a theater about now (and I'm definitely buying it on DVD when it comes out). This movie should be required watching for every American citizen. I sat through it fighting the urge to start screaming at the top of my voice with unbridled rage and frustration. It's like a sledgehammer in the gut seeing just how lacking our health care is here. There is no more doubt, in any way, that I'm on my own and have to find it within me to get this thing under control. Get this: Our insurance company is going to force every employee to submit "Proof of Insurability" starting next year. This involves going to a doctor and getting paperwork filled out which the insurance company (United Healthcare) can then use to weed out those of us who are too much of a risk. In my current condition I have fuck-all's chance of having any insurance next year, and at the very minimum I have to have medication for blood pressure and blood sugar. That's something I will need to live with until I'm firmly back in the 200's, at least.

There is no support out there for people like myself who aren't living on 7-digit trust funds. There won't be any services for me before long. It's literally "do or die" for me and millions of other Americans who are suffering the effects of poor diet and obesity. I have the advantage of knowing more about the proper steps to take than even many doctors do (with their day or two of nutrition training out of four years of medical school). Now it's a matter of having the strength to apply that knowledge and stay away from old habits. Before I met Jeanette I wouldn't have given a tinker's damn one way or the other. Now, I freak at the thought of leaving her alone.

[Systematic Chaos]

17. Mind you, I'm not discouraged, but holy cow....

I just got off the recumbent and for the first time in ages I had music to accompany me while I rode. I decided to play some Orbital (really solid techno with a great beat) to keep me motivated to not just pedal, but to try and keep pace with the rhythm of the music. In order to keep up with the songs I played I needed to maintain about 16.3 MPH. I gave it my best for 10 minutes but periodically I had to bring it down to 14 - 14.5 MPH to rest. I covered almost 2 miles, and when I got done my legs were already beginning to shake. I'm tired and sweaty but feel great otherwise.

I'm going to keep this up until I can maintain the 16.3 for a solid 10 minutes, then I'm going to start bumping up the time a few minutes a week. I have a little bit of time, when I get home from work on Monday - Thursday, to do a ride before dinner and bed, so this will be possible every day. I could ride an hour on a work night with no problem when that time comes, and if I get a vehicle it will be even easier. (With the buses added in, our 10-hour work days are closer to 14 hours. :( )

I'm also going to get an electronic scale that will weigh 600 lbs. soon. I don't want to be a slave to a number, but I have had no way to determine my exact weight since my old scale broke due to unfortunate placement under the bed last year. Maybe I'm even back under 450 now, at least. :)

[Systematic Chaos]

18. Insomnia that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy's dog....

This Friday I will finally be getting seen by a new doctor. I am quitting my old one because the original doctor is no longer at the office, and it is a very long bus ride. I went with that clinic because a coworker recommended it, and at the time I had enough mobility that the distance was not a problem.

I haven't posted about it because I keep hoping it will go away on its own, but for the last 3 months now I have had a chronic case of insomnia that is unlike anything I've experienced before. I can go to bed, exhausted, at 8pm and be wide awake at 12:30 and not get another minutes' sleep until the following night (or late afternoon if I'm home instead of trying to work). It has really been taking a toll on me. I had a sample of Ambien CR (2 doses) from a while back and used one on each of two different nights. Those two nights I got the best sleep I've had in the last several months. My ability to work, think or even function gets compromised when it gets really bad and as such I have barely been at work at all the past few weeks. Because this is the slow time of the year and they are giving out lots of early outs and stuff anyway, they've been easy on me or else I wouldn't even have a job right now.

This Friday my appointment is for in the afternoon, so even if I don't get to sleep until 5 in the morning I will be able to make this. I will be asking for either Ambien or Lunesta because I know the Ambien works but I hear Lunesta is even better. Anyone here used either of these? Any experiences good or bad to share? I'd like to go into this armed with as much information as possible.

Once I'm sleeping normally again I should be in pretty good shape. I have the desire to exercise, but I need the energy to do it. Also, it will be wonderful working 40 hours a week again. We desperately need the money after all the time I've missed.

[auntAgonist]

19. Hey GG

I'm glad you've found a new doctor. It's smart planning to have arranged your appointment for the afternoon.
Have you ever tried melatonin?

MedlinePlus Melatonin

I used to use it years ago and I remember it helping.

Insomnia in the elderly

Several human studies report that melatonin taken by mouth before bedtime decreases the amount of time it takes to fall asleep ("sleep latency") in elderly individuals with insomnia. However, most studies have not been high quality in their designs and some research has found limited or no benefits. The majority of trials have been brief in duration (several days long), and long-term effects are not known.

I hope things turn around for you Kirk!

all my best as always.

kesha.

[Systematic Chaos]

20. Thank YOU, as always, auntA.

I'm sitting here typing this on the morning of the 4th at 3:38. I went to bed just before 10 last night, as our company is closed and we don't have to work today, otherwise we'd have been in bed an hour earlier. I was fully awake by 2 this morning and I don't show any sign of wanting to go to bed.

Our roommate will need the bed later to sleep on so any corrective sleep I try to get will have to be before noon, and then I still need to worry about getting enough rest to face work tomorrow. But after tomorrow I will be seeing that new doctor. I'm not thrilled about medications but I'm totally down with something that will make me sleep restfully at this point. I can't put into words how totally shredded and "outside myself" I feel at this point. It has taken enormous amounts of encouragement and support from Jeanette to help me stay sane lately.

[auntAgonist]

21. Try to stay focused on getting well..

by that I mean try NOT to stress about not getting sleep. I suffered insomnia for a few years a while back. I would go to bed and almost panic because I knew I had to be up in a few hours to be Mommy, wife and full time employee. My Dr suggested melatonin as sleep meds left me drowsy and fairly depressed. He also suggested I try imagery.. I would focus on a serene picture in my mind and not think about sleeping. I would somehow feel a bit more rested after this. Certainly less stressed.

Kirk, I sure hope this new Dr is a help to you! Bless Jeanette for all her patience and love. You are truly blessed in having her by your side.

I'm sending all the good vibes your way! ! !

You and Jeanette are never far from my thoughts.


love and :hug:

kesha

[Systematic Chaos]

22. That is what I try to do. Sometimes it does help.

As for the melatonin, I will definitely look into it. I will also have prescription sleep medication beginning tomorrow, and will begin exercising regularly once I am back to my normal self. I have a lot less pain when I walk now, but I still can only go a few hundred yards before needing to rest. But my recumbent bike is always there and I have it out and ready to use, so that will be my exercise of choice until I get to where I no longer feel any back pain when on my feet.

And as for Jeanette, I know for a fact I would not be here if not for her. I probably would have given up after my mother died in October of 2003 because before meeting Jeanette I felt like my only purpose in life was to work to provide a roof for my mom and I could barely stand to speak to her half the time. Jeanette saved me from all that. Yes, indeed. :)

[Systematic Chaos]

23. Time to whine and vent about a crap day....

As I already said, I had a doctor's appointment today at 2:30 and was expected to be there at 2:00 to fill out paperwork. Stupid me, thinking an hour and a few minutes would be enough to get there by bus. As we walked out our apartment, a bus went by our building that is supposed to run every 20 minutes. I figured that even if it took 30 minutes we'd still be fine. Nope, fucking thing took 53 minutes to come back. So we're at our transfer point and now have 7 minutes until we're late. The second bus took not 15 minutes like the "schedule" says, but 30. When I finally made it to the doctor's office it was 2:42 and the doctor was unable to see me. Even though I understand that a doctor's office has to run on a schedule and they're not responsible for our luck with the buses, we were still livid. Today was around 110 degrees and anything more than 5 minutes in temperatures without exertion and I'm beginning to overheat. I had gone through - literally - almost a gallon of diet tea and soda by the time we were at the doctor's and I was still shaking all over and beet red. We went out to a lobby area with cushy chairs and I spent an hour cooling down before we finally left.

On our way back to Flamingo Rd. to catch a bus to our planned lunch/dinner destination (a so-so Chinese buffet on the way home) one of Las Vegas' finest pulled over a motorist along the side street we had to walk down. Since we had to cross Flamingo then go left to get to the bus stop, it only made sense that we stay on the left side of the side street walking back. I went from the sidewalk to the street on my bike to avoid some low branches and the cop starts in on me that I'm "breaking the law" being on that side of the road. Stupid petty shit like that is enough to really get my underwear in a bunch when I'm already frustrated, so I started singing "Piggy" by Nine Inch Nails as I crossed the street - Jeanette still walking down the other sidewalk:

hey pig
yeah you
hey pig piggy pig pig pig
all of my fears came true
black and blue and broken bones you left me here I'm all alone...

Fortunately he didn't press it further, but about then I didn't really care....

So, since we saw that no buses were coming past on Flamingo at all, we decided to continue on foot/rickety bike to the buffet. Not good, should have waited. I was already in the red and the half mile or so that was left was uphill. Not dramatically uphill but even a 1% grade feels like Mt. Rushmore between the condition of my bike and the condition of me. Well, we finally got to the restaurant at 4:00 on the dot, and we relaxed and ate slowly for two hours before we finally took off. I mostly had shrimp, mussels and vegetables but I also had a bit of chicken and about 1/2 cup of chocolate ice cream for desert. Also had about another 3 quarts of unsweetened tea and only had to use the bathroom twice after all I had drunk up to that point. One thing I can lay claim to in terms of talent is sweating. Must be the Italian in me. :P

When we went to the bus stop for our final bus of the evening I almost ended up in a fight with some asshole in a Hawaiian print shirt who called me a fat ass as he went by me. I gave him a few choice retorts and I thought that was it, but after turning around and looking at me for a few seconds he turned around and kept walking. So, we finally got home at 7:30 and I'm sitting here trying to cool down and get over the waste of a day and the prospects of another week of shit sleep. Guess it's time to buy some melatonin or something.

I fully intend to relax and enjoy the next two days off work to the best of my ability. Thanks for reading. :)

[Systematic Chaos]

24. Finally made it to the doctor (here I go again).

We made it to the doctor's office yesterday with plenty of time to spare. This office, naturally, had 350 lb. capacity scales so I flatly refused to step on one. I haven't known my actual weight in nearly a year now. My first impression of the guy is he's pretty nice and kinda reminds me of Jackie Gleason in The Honeymooners. He got a good look at my feet, as well as my left leg which is in pretty bad shape, and had no choice but to begin the procedures for getting me back into wound care as well as seeing a podiatrist. He also has put my legs back in Unna boots to help them heal. Make no mistake about it, I am in a fight to keep my feet and legs now. But given the gravity of that, I have at least one reason to feel good about everything.

When I explained how insane my insomnia is, the doctor gave me a 10-dose sample pack of Ambien CR (the strong 12.5 mg ones). I took one last night and had a little over 7 hours of completely uninterrupted sleep and woke up still feeling a bit sore from my travels yesterday but not drug down and miserable like normal. I'm hitting up the exercise up big time today as soon as I'm done with this post. I got a USB extension cable so I can listen to music from the computer over my headphones and not disturb anyone while I ride the bike.

I spoke on Thursday evening with a coworker who owns a 150cc scooter that he rides around town. He told me that the place where he got his also offers a 250cc model which might be able to carry me. Jeanette could make do with the 150cc one. These wouldn't be cheap, and buying them would require getting out of debt first and then paying in cash up front. I think they'd be worth the money though, if only just to save us 2 hours per workday over the bus. It would make exercising on work nights a lot easier for certain.

I will be seeing this new doctor on a weekly basis for the short term, and will also be seeing specialists. I'm hoping I can avoid another long period of disability, but I won't know what's going to happen for a while yet. When I know, you guys and gals will know. :)

[auntAgonist]

25. G.G. I'm so glad that you were able to see this Dr.

Hopefully he will stay right on things and get you the help you need! I bet it felt good to get a full night's sleep too. :)

Don't overdo the exercise bike though. Small steps ... work your way up.

best wishes as always.

kesha

[Systematic Chaos]

26. Thank you ever so much.

I've found it very easy to cut back on how much I'm eating lately and I'm being loud and adamant about a lot of foods not being out in plain sight where they may tempt me. I had Jeanette stop at the grocery store for me to purchase a lot of fresh veggies to make salsa with, since to me that stuff can be a meal as much as a condiment (especially when it's homemade). She returned with a 3-pack of Cracker Jacks and asked me if I wanted them "for a treat". I told her to just put them away and she and Joe could help themselves. I'm staying away from flour tortillas from now on as well, and when I want bean "burritos" I can just mix the ingredients together and eat them in a bowl with a spoon. And every single time I think about food I ask myself if I really feel hungry, and do I really need any. It has had an immediate and profound effect on my appetite. I just need to keep practicing these thought modes and stay focused.

As for exercise, I'm finding it a bit uncomfortable sometimes to ride the incumbent because of a certain problem one might associate with Preparation H. :( I still do what I can when I can, though, and I will address that issue with the doctor once the most important stuff has been sorted out. I'm hoping for the best now, but steeled for the worst. What matters to me the most is the one thing I have power over, and that is whether my weight is rising, static or dropping. I don't know how much I need to lose to be back into the 300's, but I'd like to try and get there by the end of the year.

[Systematic Chaos]

27. Three nights of almost perfect sleep and counting.

The Ambien is really doing a bang-up job on my sleeping problems, and I already feel like a completely different person than a week ago. This isn't saying a whole lot mind you because I'm still very out of shape, but I can move more quickly and have more stamina already. The almost purely vegetable and complex carb-based diet is helping a lot as well. I can eat all the fresh, homemade salsa I want because I make it only with tomatoes, onions, jalapenos, garlic, cilantro, cumin, red vinegar and lime juice. No added salt, no added fat. For other meals I'm keeping the portions very small by my standards and so far I'm not feeling deprived in the least.

For the first time in quite a while it's nice to come back here with some good things to say and an attitude which is, on balance, positive.

[Longhorn]

28. So glad to hear that you're getting some sleep!

That's a great first step on your road to better health! :toast:

[auntAgonist]

29. good news indeed!

I'm so glad you're getting some sleep. It's amazing how much better the world gets when we're rested.

:applause:


kesha

[momzno1]

30. you mentioned diet drinks

i just watched a movie called "Sweet Misery" about nutrasweet/aspartame and the problems associated with it - including increased appetite
I used to dring 4 liters of diet coke a day, for years I did it.
Horrible stuff to withdraw from,, but I noticed a decrease in appetite and improvement in mood, as well as a decrease in headaches, stomach problems etc.
I recommend this movie to everyone...
I substitute this with Lemonade made with Stevia- a natural sweetener that helps your blood sugar. Just squeeze half a lemon in a 16 oz glass of water with one packet of stevia, and voila!! lemonade. yummmy
hugs,
Daphne

[Systematic Chaos]

31. I have cut way down on diet drinks over the past couple weeks.

I still have a little here and there, but I've begun to brew plain tea, and I like it plain with no sweetener at all.

[momzno1]

32. great alternative

I wish you the best. I have about 80 lbs to lose and my health is suffering, so I know how hard it can be to do it.

[cannabis_flower]

51. I tried Stevia before....

thought it was the nastiest diet sweetener I'd had in a long time. Even if it is natural.

[Systematic Chaos]

33. Sorry I haven't posted in two weeks.

I've been doing as well as I can, all things considered. My doctor changed my medications around a lot last week and it really threw me for a loop. I was without one of my blood sugar meds for a period of time while waiting to see this new doctor, and it really did a number on me. My blood work results showed my fasting blood sugar in the 300s with an HbA1c of over 11. I was told that if the new medications I'm on don't aggressively lower my numbers then I will have to use insulin because the state of my legs and feet demands that my sugars are under control. My cholesterol was in the 180s, and my triglycerides are high but not ungodly. I can get those back down just by watching my diet and moving around more. In addition, my blood pressure medication was switched and I was also put on Lamisil for my toenails which are total fungus city. :puke:

On the bright side, we got my bike worked on a little so it's easier to ride. I still need stuff worked on, but my back rim is straight now and I have a new tire to replace the old, dry-rotted one. For myself, I am sleeping better most nights thanks to the Ambien, and my appetite has gone way south. I don't know if it's the medications doing it or just my subconscious taking over and helping me to do the right thing, but I'm probably averaging around 2,000 calories a day now which is where I should be. Some days I doubt I eat that much. As soon as money permits, I'm going to buy a high-capacity scale to keep here, so my doctor and I can both know what I weigh. The scales at this office max out at 350, and that's not enough.

I have a referral to wound care once again, and this time it is not to the facility at St. Rose hospital. That's good, because I don't really want to bother with them again after my past experiences. To be honest, this new primary doctor I'm seeing is giving me better care for my wounds than those people did. Hopefully, between my efforts and theirs, I will see this through without losing any body parts.

[auntAgonist]

34. You've certainly been through the mill Kirk!

I'm glad the new Dr is taking better care of you, you deserve the proper treatment and a healthy life.
Sometimes it just takes the right professional to see your needs and meet them. There are a lot of good Dr's out there. Sometimes that's clouded by the bad ones that get in the way.

The ambien must seem like a godsend too! With proper sleep and good rest the world will be a better place in which to deal with your medical needs.

I was wondering why we hadn't heard from you on the forum and I'm thankful that you are posting again. I hope Jeannette is well and that you both have better days ahead.

aA
kesha

[Systematic Chaos]

35. 8/5/07 - Doctor Hell and The Biggest Loser

Well, it's been just over two weeks again since my last post here. A lot has happened to my mindset lately in a positive vein, even as I'm coping with a lot of frustration concerning the logistics of my doctor appointments and whatnot.

I don't know if it's my new medications causing it, or if it's my subconscious finally stepping in to override old and destructive habits, but for the past couple of weeks my appetite has been very low by my previous standards. I'm not starving myself by any stretch, but the desire to eat just for the sake of having something to do, or because of depression or anxiety, has just not been there. I still need to be more active, but I'm going to try and get some attention for a problem which has been causing me a lot of discomfort lately and if I can get that alleviated it will be a lot easier to sit and ride the incumbent bike at least.

I'm really annoyed because the wound care center I've been referred to this time couldn't be much further away from my home without being completely out of the Las Vegas area. It's way out at the edge of town, at the very end of one of the city bus routes, and I have to take a total of 3 buses to get there. My estimate is that the bus trip each way is going to take around 3 hours. But at least Jeanette will be with me to help keep me sane. My first visit to this new facility is next Friday, and then the following week I will probably have to plan on seeing both wound care and my primary doctor. It will be worth all the time I'm going to have to spend if this new place is actually equipped to perform the tests I need rather than doing the half-assed job that St. Rose did. Anything at this point not to lose a foot or leg because that would pretty much be tantamount to a death sentence I think. My fingers are crossed.

Jeanette and I spent last night and a good part of today watching the entire last season of The Biggest Loser, which I had downloaded some time ago but never watched all the way through. Anyone who watched that show and saw Erik come out on top has a good idea of what I'm up against because I'm not too far off from how he looked in the beginning, and he came down from 407 lbs. to end up winning the whole contest. He finished up at below 200 lbs. and lost over 50% of his total body mass at the start of the season, and all in under a year.

With that in mind, I checked out the show's website and it turns out that they are holding an open casting call for the upcoming season here in Las Vegas in a couple of weeks. I figure that I have absolutely nothing to lose by going down and introducing myself, except maybe feeling tired and worn out when it's over. There is a chance, no matter how tiny, that they may notice me and give me an honest chance to turn my life around in ways that would far exceed what I can accomplish on my own. Not to say that I can't lose this weight if I continue eating better and all, but those trainers they have and all that awesome equipment could make a world of difference. If I do make it onto the show, I would be going not just as a representative of the state of Nevada, but also as a voice on this forum and I think that would be a great thing.

I'll be back no later than next weekend to let everyone know how my visit at the new wound care place goes, and of course I'll give a full report on that casting call! :cheer:

[lavenderdiva]

36. all my best to you GG

I admire your determination and drive. You will be in my thoughts an prayers, as I think this opportunity at the casting call, could be a wonderful opportunity for you. Please keep us posted with how you are doing... :hi: :hug:

[Systematic Chaos]

37. You can count on it!

I'm already nervous about the whole thing. It'll be worth a try no matter what happens.

[nadine_mn]

38. yay!!

Good luck and go for it!

I just want to say that this is an opportunity of a lifetime so don't let it go. For years I wanted to do stand up, and this past January Last Comic Standing was in Minneapolis. I so wanted to go - I took the day off work and everything...but when it came down to it I was more afraid of making it on the show than not - I was so embarrassed at the thought of everyone seeing how fat I had become. I chickened out and kick myself daily for it (well I would kick myself if I could lift my leg high enough)

So take this chance and know that I am cheering you on (wahoo!)

[Systematic Chaos]

39. Dammit... can't make it to that casting call but otherwise I'm okay.

I'm having some, um, regularity issues today so I am unable to spend too long away from a convenient bathroom. So, I can't make it to that casting call for The Biggest Loser I'm afraid. Other than that I'm doing okay right now. I'm still eating very carefully and between that and the medications I'm on my fasting sugar was 135 at the doctor's office yesterday, whereas it was in the 300's a month ago. I had Jeanette pick me up some plain ground psylium husk from a health food store yesterday because I would rather be using that on a daily basis than the "berry" flavored Metamucil I have. That is some ugly tasting stuff if I do say so myself.

I wish that I could quantify exactly how much weight I've been losing recently. I know it has to be significant because of the change in how my pants fit. Also, I'm starting to get some "anti"-stretch marks on my stomach. The kinda silver colored ones that are sunk in a bit rather than the ugly red ones that stick out. I should be able to afford a nice scale within the next month but I won't know for sure until I'm actually online ordering it. My immediate goal is to be under 450, and there's a good chance I already am. After that I want to see myself under 378 which is the lowest I've been in the 5 years that I've known Jeanette. I want to be there by the end of the year but I won't be upset if it takes a little longer. All that matters to me is eating healthy, continued progress and keeping my limbs. :)

[Systematic Chaos]

40. The Day of the Death Burps... a Quinn Martin Production!

Starring Ricardo Montalban as the Belch Inspector and Yul Brenner as the Billowing Fart Bubble of Corniness.

Ugh.

Just - UGH!

I don't know what it is with me today but I woke up feeling bloated and gassy and still feel that way 7 hours later. I'm burping a lot and when I do it tastes like only the finest gourmet putrescence, far in excess of everyday putridity standards. If what was coming out the other end smelled as bad as this tastes, my work building would have been long evacuated. Lucky coworkers.... :( So far today I've had a 420 calorie burger sandwich consisting of two veggie burger patties on a whole wheat bun with some ketchup for breakfast and lunch, and I've barely been able to keep them down. When I get home I will either have a small bowl of Uncle Sam cereal or just say fuckall and go straight to bed. Even with the cereal that puts me at less than 1400 calories for the day, and less than 1000 without it, and still I barely have an appetite. I think this is due to one of my blood sugar medications, and I hope it won't be around tomorrow. When I've had this happen before it generally subsides within a day.

Hope the rest of you are feeling better, or at least less flatulent, than me. :P

[Systematic Chaos]

41. Feeling much better today, but still kinda silly.

It turns out I haven't missed that casing call for The Biggest Loser yet. I just got the date screwed up in my head and thought it was last Saturday without bothering to confirm it with the website. So of course I was mentally kicking myself for feeling sick, for nothing. I think it's time to add some alzheimers meds to my repertoire. :P I will give it my best to make it there this Saturday.

Whatever I was dealing with yesterday is gone, thank goodness. I'm kinda tired, but other than that I feel okay. I'm having tofu, eggplant and marinara sauce over pasta while at work today. My portion for breakfast was only a few bites actually, but I suspect I'll be a little hungrier on my lunch break. For dinner tonight Jeanette promised to fix me some homemade salsa which I'll probably use to make some guiltless "taco salad". That means add lettuce, a bit of fat free refried beans and some light sour cream and I'm all set.

[Longhorn]

42. You know, I thought the casting call was further away but I didn't think to

check your earlier post. I'm so glad you can still go! Good luck! Be sure to tell us all about it! :hi:

[Systematic Chaos]

43. That wound care which does not kill me surely will make me stronger.

I went out to see my new wound care doctor at the Summerlin hospital, at the mercy of the bus system the whole while. Jeanette and I left the apartment at 7:00 for a 10:00 appointment and when all was said and done I got to the correct office only minutes before I'd have been officially late. The hospital is literally the last stop on the 3rd bus we took, and because of a major construction project going on next to the main building, the bus does not stop any closer to the place than one long block away. The long block is made even longer because the construction has to be detoured around. The entire distance from the street to the hospital entrance is uphill. Most of this is not even very steep but with the shape I'm in at this point it feels like climbing a mountain. It was about 103 degrees when I went up the hill and when I finally made it into the hospital I was worried I was going to pass out. Fortunately I didn't anyway. The wound care center was located near the opposite end of the building. I was too proud to ask for a ride there in a wheelchair so I walked that too and by the time I had a seat in the wound care office I felt like I'd been run over by a truck.

The good news out of all this is that my condition seems to be improving, but almost too slowly to gauge. This doctor is using a 4-layer bandaging system on my left leg and is also giving me a debreiding (sp?) ointment for my toes. I think I'm going to be okay as long as I stick to watching what I eat and work to regain my stamina. By the time we finally made it home it was 4:30 and very hot. We each grabbed a hot dog out of sheer desperation at a transfer point on the way home as neither of us had eaten yet that day. When I finally made it in and sat down I realized just how much that little bit of walking and bike riding had taken out of me, and it took until Sunday for the pain that I felt pretty much all over to subside.

By now it should be apparent that I couldn't make it to the casting call for The Biggest Loser the following day. I was just too sore to go out on the buses again. I'm still mad at myself for not going but I can live with it. It's not the end of the world by any means, and I am continuing to try very hard to do the right things concerning my diet. I'm keeping my focus on making it to my wound care appointments and knowing that at least it won't be as hot out soon. The nurse in the waiting room promised to find out where a scale was that I could use to weigh myself on and would direct me there when I come in this Friday so I will also finally know what I weigh again. I'm going to have to continue to do what must be done without the potential benefits of being on the show, but my resolve is very high right now. I just hope nobody here is too upset with me for not making it.

[Longhorn]

44. You can still watch the show and live vicariously through it, right?

It starts again next Tuesday.

I'm glad your wound is stabilized. You're bound to build stamina just getting to your appointment! :)

[lavenderdiva]

45. your determination is very inspiring, GG

please, please, PLEASE don't be discouraged about not being able to audition for 'The Biggest Loser' program. You have more important things to tackle right now, IMO. Please continue to take good care of your leg and foot, and concentrate on adhering to your diet and working up to getting back on your bike. I'm so very glad Jeanette is there for you.

I think I can speak confidently about this: those of us in this forum, are more concerned with your overall well-being, and your continuing your diet and caring for your leg, than your appearing on a TV show. We care about you very much, and are SO glad you are here, and sharing with us! :hug:

[Systematic Chaos]

46. Thank you - that really means a lot.

I'm still plugging away and doing my best. :) You have all been so supportive and I can't understate just how important that is to me with all that I'm going through. Sometimes it gets VERY tough....

I missed wound care this last Friday. I woke up to the news that our checking account had been overdrawn not once but twice and that put us over $60 in the hole before our payroll was even deposited. As low as we were on money I didn't want to spend the $5 on bus passes and probably more on food during the 7+ hour ordeal to go to the facility and back. :( On the bright side, we have plenty of bandages and compression stockings, which are not as good as unna boots but they're sufficient for pinches like this. Jeanette does a great job of nursing me when I need it so I'm very grateful for that.

I was a bit overindulgent on Saturday night after Jeanette went grocery shopping at Trader Joe's. Since we were both tired we just went ahead and baked a couple of their pizzas in the oven. Both of the ones we got were primarily vegetarian with cheese and they're smaller than a dinner plate, but we did cut up some of the extremely tasty flavored sausage that they sell and added it too. When we do this I usually have two pizza quarters, or three at most, but that night I had half of each pizza. I felt like I had a bowling ball in my stomach after that and I regretted overdoing it. It's interesting to note, though, that not so long ago I could easily polish off a 16-inch thick crust pizza loaded with everything in the space of a couple hours and not think twice. That proves just how much smaller my appetite has gotten and how much lower my threshold is. I'm atoning for that goof by eating lots of salads and high fiber foods this week, and trying to hold my daily calories to 1000-1200. It's not hard for me to do at this point and since veggies are so low-cal I can still feel satisfied without risking my weight loss.

The two pair of black denim shorts which have been my work-and-everything-else pants this summer are on the brink of being too loose for me to wear now without a belt. They were purchased at the Casual Male Big & Tall store a while back and they have an elastic waistband for extra "give". When I first came back to work in March I could barely squeeze into them, and they were so tight that they would bite into me when I sat down even if I pulled them down under my belly. Based on this, I would say that I have lost about 3-4 inches in the waist since March and most of that has been in the last two months. Normally, every inch in the waist corresponds to a loss of 7-8 lbs. on me, but at this extreme size it could even be a bit more than that. This means that between actual weight loss and retoning of muscles that went unused all winter, I am almost certainly back under 450 by now and could be as low as the 430's again. I still can't give an exact number, but the nurse at my new wound care center promised me that she'd find the location of their high capacity scale by the next time I come back. I won't leave the hospital next visit without a weigh-in, so I'll finally be able to quantify just how much I've lost. :D

[Systematic Chaos]

47. I just realized I pulled a freaking * in my 2nd sentence above.

It should read "You have all been so supportive and I can't overstate just how important that is to me with all that I'm going through."


The way it's written it is like saying you can all go Cheney yourselves, and I hope you all realize that is NOT how I feel!! :rofl:

And it's too late to edit, so this'll have to do. :)

[lavenderdiva]

48. Don't worry- I got your meaning!

that's great news about your pants fitting so loosely now! That's a testament to your focus and willpower. Keep up the attention to your leg, and keep eating the way you are, and your results will continue- :hi:

[Systematic Chaos]

49. Can't pay your co-pay this week? Fuck off and die, sir.

In part because of two screw-ups last week which caused our checking account to be overdrafted twice, Jeanette and I are very low on money this week. We paid the rent and bought food and after that there was almost nothing left. My co-pays for regular office visits to my doctor are $25 and this is the first time we've been unable to come up with that money up front. I had a visit scheduled for this afternoon and was thinking about just showing up for it and asking to be billed. Jeanette decided to go ahead and call in advance to ask about that, and I'm glad she did. I don't know how much it is to the exact penny, but I'm willing to bet these sons of bitches who run my doctor's office probably bill my insurance for at least $100 on top of the $25 I'm responsible for every time I visit. God forbid that they'd have to actually live without that co-pay until the next time I show up. I wouldn't want that to have any effect upon the pig shit CEO's yearly bonus or anything. Anyway, we went ahead and rescheduled for two weeks from today and we will make damn sure to have their precious $25 in the bank when we go.

What worries me even more is that I've been getting samples of all these shiny new medications to help us get by, and that is one really good thing about this clinic is that at least they have them and it has saved us a good deal of money. However, the day I've been rescheduled for is also the exact day I run out of two of these medications. I already know that my co-pay just for the Ambien that I take is the highest, or $50. I bet this other stuff will also be on that tier. I don't know how the hell we're gonna do it, to tell you the truth, but I guess we have no choice. This is what's been on my mind lately and it really just makes me feel disgusted sometimes. If I thought I could survive without it, I'd just cancel the goddamn insurance and pocket the $320 per month we're paying for our coverage. I swear I would. But I know that at this point I'm kind of a slave to United Healthcare, big pharma, etc.... I guess this really is how the Powers That Be (tm) deign that most of us should live, and I further suppose that many of them get off on it too. Fuck every single one of them with a 2-by-4. Sideways.

Other than that, I'm just trying to work on keeping my focus and eating right, taking it all one day at a time. Sorry for my less-than-enthusiastic post this time around but I'm not the type to lie and put a happy face on things when they're not so good. I hope that all of you are doing well.

[AZBlue]

50. I bet you can still get samples!

These clinics are drowning in samples and get more every day. Have you ever contacted the drug companies themselves? Quite a few have programs that help those on a tight income, insurance or not. You might want to give that a try too.

I know this was a hard week for you, but you should feel really good about all your progress. I read your Trader Joe's pizza post - - you can't eat like you used to and your clothes are getting very baggy - I only wish I could say the same! Keep up the good work and hang in there - tough times will indeed pass.

[Systematic Chaos]

52. No good deed goes unpunished in Bushitworld

Another rant, although I'm not in as dark a mood as I was the last time I posted....

As I have mentioned from the start of this thread, one of my best friends (whom we'll call Joe because that just happens to be his name) is staying with Jeanette and I in our very tiny apartment. He has heart failure and leg wounds even worse than mine, is 56 years old and is pretty much unable to work. He is a veteran though he didn't serve in combat. Thank God for that because the VA is likely the only way he's receiving any decent medical treatment at this point.

Anyway, he has been with us now for almost 10 months. We haven't been forceful with him about going out and applying for benefits but recently we've had to have him do it because our own money situation sucks canal water through a straw about now. He had a packet of paperwork to apply for food stamps so Jeanette went ahead and filled it out for him. This paperwork wants not only the information for Joe's income (or lack thereof) but also that of everyone in the household whether related or not. Being generally ethical people, Jeanette and I gave the most truthful answer we could even though what sounds like a reasonable number on paper comes out to jack once the costs of my medications and co-pays are deducted - not to mention the extra money we spend on food for Joe per month plus a few dollars here and there for bus trips or the occasional treat from the corner store. Oh, and the intrest on $1600 in payday loans is good for a few hundred a month and I have GOT to get some 40 hour weeks in no matter how I feel before we'll ever get those paid down.

Need I even mention at this point that he was turned down for any help because Jeanette and I dare to try and work full time at hourly pay that's barely double digits (key word being try in my case)? They're suggestion was to go through the VA or try and apply for Social Security/Disability. I once knew someone whose entire heart was blown apart who was told by those jackals to go back to work and who had to get an attorney to put them in their place, so I can only imagine what kind of fun Joe will be in for. In the meantime, we're really feeling the stress from all of this and Jeanette has not been her usual optimistic self lately. I'm trying to redouble my own efforts to be positive and bring her out of it, because I hate to see her feeling overwhelmed.

Otherwise, it's just more of the same and hoping that more pounds will come off. Thanks for reading. :)

[Systematic Chaos]

53. I'm in a much better mood right now and have some good news.

Today was hell as far as being out and about. I had to get up at 5 this morning and out the door at 6 to make it to wound care by 9. I was bandaged and treated, and they are going to be watching my progress carefully. Jeanette is going to have to help me clean and dress my toes on a daily basis, and we got some lambswool which is a great material to help wick away seepage and moisture.

After that it was back across town for an appointment with my regular doctor at 2:15. We were much later than expected getting out of wound care so I was stressed that we'd be late for the other appointment, but the buses ran very well and luck was with us. My not-quite fasting blood sugar was 134 at his office today and probably would have been a few points lower but for half a snack-size bag of Doritos I ate out of desperation to get something in my stomach after not eating all day, and the lack of time to stop anywhere for real food. I explained to him about the occasional spells of weakness and/or lightheadedness I have been experiencing every once in a while, and he is having me cut one of my medications in half. That in and of itself is nice because that's one small step towards becoming a diet-controlled diabetic. He also ran an EKG on me which looked absolutely fine. In spite of the problems I do have, that is one thing to be extremely grateful for at this point in my life, and I hope to avoid any serious heart problems for a long time to come. He was also able to hook me up with more samples of the newer and more expensive meds, including more Ambien, which will save us from paying another $50 for it for at least a while.

We're going to be able to make a small dent in our payday loans this time around, and hope to continue paying them off bit by bit until they're gone. We're thinking that we can do this by the end of November if we're prudent and careful with our money. We're currently pissing away over $500 a month just to keep up with the interest on these loans, and that is no small chunk of change given that our rent isn't too much higher than that. Once that is done we're going to be looking into a monstrosity of a scooter that is rated to be able to carry both Jeanette and I with room to spare for some groceries or whatever. We need transportation to get away from the buses and the countless wasted hours that they entail. The only other thing we want to do after that is get a second computer so that we can both play Everquest 2 together. Then, our extra money will be socked away and held onto so that we have a cushion and a means to get out of Vegas eventually. :)

[Systematic Chaos]

54. Sorry for my absence. Time for an update.

Thank you, AuntA, for reminding me to get my butt over here and let everyone know I'm alive. I know I was way overdue for a word here.

There has been a highly stressful transition at my job, with my old campaign at the call center leaving but a somewhat related one ramping up and taking Jeanette and I on board, and that has kept me very busy and preoccupied so I haven't come around here. Besides, anyone who's been keeping up with my posts knows what happens when you take one Gentle Giant and stir in a goodly dollop of stress. :( I really got my appetite back with a vengeance for a couple weeks there just trying to cope with the end of one job and the beginning of another, but on the bright side I don't think I put on too much weight, and also my appetite is starting to decline again now that I'm finding that the new position at my job is actually a good thing overall. I just took my nightly ambien and hydrocodone a little while ago, so rather than trying to explain everything while my head's up floating in the rafters I'll save a lengthy explanation for the weekend.

Because of my schedule being forced into weekends only off for the duration of our training in the new campaign, I haven't been able to see a doctor of any kind for three weeks now. Jeanette has been doing my bandaging on my leg and feet as best she can given our less-than-perfect supplies. I do have heaps of lambswool at least, and lots of large gauze pads and non-stick pads, so while the professional work would be better at least this is getting me by. My toes and feet are starting to look a LOT better, but the ulcerated areas on my left shin are going to need more extensive treatment. My right leg is completely healed up and we just keep compression stockings on it and that seems to be working fine.

I'm still alive and kicking - just trying to cope with a lot of change. I'll have more to say in a few days. :)

On edit: Why is petersond's thread here gone? Did he pull it from the forum? It didn't take me too long to notice something highly amiss here. Anyone know if he's okay?

[Longhorn]

55. Thanks for letting us know how you're doing!

I hope the new job works out for y'all! :hi:

[Systematic Chaos]

56. I think they make it fucking difficult so you'll just lay down and quit.

Here's the e-mail I just shot off to Michael Moore as Jeanette and I took turns on the phone with the fucking call center cretins at UnitedHealthcare. If this kind of bullshit doesn't make it abundantly clear that they want to keep you sick until you curl up and die than I don't know what does.



Greetings Mike!

First please let me say that I watched Sicko and felt that it was a spot-on and perfect depiction of just what a terrible health care system we have. I loved every minute of it and have been recommending it to as many people as possible.

Let me tell you a little about myself. I'm 38 years old, stand about 6'2" and sadly I am morbidly obese. I weigh somewhere in the mid 400s, which I know is pretty damn big but not so large that I'm confined to a bed completely immobile. Over the past few years I have been dealing with a number of problems concerning my feet and legs which have made mobility more difficult - and therefore have made permanent weight loss harder although I have definitely been trying. Currently, I have ulcerated wounds on my left leg due to circulation problems. I have started seeing a wound care doctor for this because it is beyond the scope of my regular provider to care for it. My wound care doctor has started me on antibiotics, which is standard procedure. He also is using a special kind of compression bandage called Proform on the leg. This is a 4-layer system which, according to what I have read on the company website and have discussed with my wound care doctor, is excellent for helping these kinds of ulcers to heal in considerably less time than they normally would.

Because of the nature of the infections, the wounds tend to drain rather heavily. Therefore, the normal single application per week is not enough. My wound care doctor wants to have the Proforma put on twice per week instead. Now, the thing that makes this difficult is that I have no car and must use the public bus to get around Las Vegas. The hospital where I'm getting wound care is a 3-hour trip from my home each way, and the specialists are only available on weekdays. It is impossible to combine one of these visits with a shift of work given my schedule and the sheer amount of time involved getting around. My wound care doctor has suggested that I have a home health care nurse come to my home every week for the second Proforma application. This would allow me to get my two weekly treatments because the home treatment could be done after work in the afternoon. I would also still have one day off to completely rest myself and not have to worry about a 9-hour excursion to a doctor which to me is physically, mentally and emotionally tiring.

In the course of trying to set this up, UnitedHealthcare is obligated to pay for the doctor and home health nurse fees and will do so without complaint. However, the bandages, of which I need about 1 1/2 kits per application at a cost of around $25 per kit, they will not cover! This $150 or so a month is completely beyond the means of myself and my wife at this point because with all the other prescriptions and fees we're paying right now it is barely within our means to keep the rent and bills paid and food in the house. Our discretionary income pretty much consists of having the internet and an online game to play and that's it.

Between my wife and I, we just spent an hour on the phone with the call center lackeys of UnitedHealthcare, who were happy to give us the runaround about different coding procedures and who reminded us that they can't rewrite our policy. Finally, they gave us the snail mail address where we can send an appeal - which process would undoubtedly take weeks when I need these supplies right now. I'm thinking about crafting just such an appeal letter and including one of your Sicko Healthcare cards with it. I don't know if it would sway them, but I do know that at this point I'm ready to tell as many people as I can about just how foolish, bureaucratic and inefficient this insurance company is. I have a leg which needs attention but can be saved. It will cost far less to do that so that I can get back on track and lose the weight I need to and begin regaining my health, than it will to amputate the damn leg. Or am I missing something here?

Sincerely,
Kirk T. (aka progrocker69)



I'm going to drown my sorrows today in a bunch of delicious, home made baba ganosh. For those who don't know, it's a version of hummus made with eggplant. It's high in nutrients and fairly low in fat and calories. Oh, and it's pure mana from heaven with some whole grain tortillas or pita bread. :)