Reply #64: Having spent most of my life as a male . .

[msmcghee]

. . and the last few years otherwise, I saw a very stark difference once I transitioned that many born women might not notice - having had their "condition" from birth.

One thing that really jumped out at me was that in mixed conversations men often have a tendency to believe that any women present really aren't interested in the "important" things that are being discussed, and therefore, they ignore your presence.

So, you are put in the position of either pushing your way in to be heard, or staying ignored. Just being in that position is demeaning - and makes me irritated enough that I usually decide I don't want to talk to jerks like that anyway.

Much of male conversation consists of posturing. Even though it can be subtle it's usually right out there. Under the words there are dominance transactions taking place. Scores are being tallied like who is smarter?, who has had more experience?, whose opinion is more correct?, etc. It can all be very friendly, with jokes, good comebacks, etc. being the tools of choice.

Women don't use conversation the same way. Woman like the interaction and connecting with each other as much or more as discussing the topic. Women avoid posturing and even insert self-effacing statements occasionally so no-one will think they are. Women will go out of their way not to make someone, say a conservative leaning woman in a group of liberal women, uncomfortable. At least I know liberal women do that.

Men will also avoid a touchy subject at times - but for more practical reasons like avoiding a disagreement. Not because they treasure harmony, which is a different thing.

This is not to say that men never have conversations without challenging each others' status or that women can't be mean and catty - just that the modes of conversation are different.

IMO one reason DU is so valuable is that women (who haven't spent decades of their lives jostling for dominance with males like I have) can assert themselves here as much as they wish. The SUBMIT button is a wonderful advance in equality for all low-status social groups who want their opinions heard.

Step right up ladies, here's your microphone. :yourock: