Reply #17: I agree that it's a lifetime series of talks

[Connonym]

I think, like you, it's important to know the proper terminology for all the exterior anatomy, ESPECIALLY for girls where it seems like everything gets categorized together as "vagina" which irks me so much. My daughters are 11 and 14 and mostly I try to incorporate talks into life as casually as possible. Watching TV and movies together is a great intro for a lot of conversations with your kids about all kinds of stuff; sex, drugs, violence, discrimination, sexism, etc. I think in a lot of ways kids are more receptive about it when you don't sit down face to face and give a lecture. A casual conversation watching TV "what do you think about what that character just did?" or "what do you think would be the right thing to do if that happened to you?" and go from there. It gives you an opportunity to define your values and compare and contrast them to how life is portrayed.

Of course there's also stuff that you want to be very sure your kids understand and you need to have an actual face to face about it. When my daughter went on birth control pills for menstrual problems I wasn't coy, I told her that being on the pill didn't mean that she could start having sex. That she still needed to use a condom if she did become sexual but that I felt she was still too young, etc.

Another thing I did, and I think this was really helpful, I bought several books aimed at tweens and teens regarding sexual development (read in advance to make sure you agree with the way the books describe things). I gave them to the girls and told them that if there was anything they felt funny about asking me they could look in the book but that there was no question that they couldn't come to me with. I think so far this multi-pronged approach has worked really well. But do be prepared that your behavior and your kids knowledge will freak other people out. When your small child comments aloud "My vulva itches" or asks (in front of the extended family including your mother!!!) "Mommy do you have orgasms?" don't be shocked :)