Reply #21: Some posters on the other thread...

[Zookeeper]

have expressed strong feelings that this is not an appropriate topic of discussion and a waste of time and energy due to all of the serious things going on in the world.

The view was expressed several times that just showing up for a funeral, even wearing a t-shirt and jeans, shorts or sweats, is enough. That just being there, as is, shows your respect.

My argument is that wearing something that requires a little more effort than jeans or sweats is an acknowledgement that the occasion (wedding or funeral) is a significant event, outside of everyday going-to-the-grocery-store life. The clothing doesn't have to be expensive or the latest fashion. The message to the happy couple or grieving family is "I care enough to make an effort, even if these shoes aren't as comfortable as my Keds. That's how important YOU are to me."

I just don't think a person grieving the loss of a loved one, or even the host/ess who has spent all day preparing a lovely meal, should have to even wonder what their guest means by showing up wearing sweatpants and a baseball cap.