Man, just... emotions suck, sometimes. Geeze.

[jobycom]

So here are the last two years of my life. My foster brother, who was an evil man who spread pain throughout the world, died of an OD. No loss to the world or me, but an odd emotional feeling. My marriage, which had been bad for many years, gets worse. My doctor even hints I should leave the marriage for health reasons. I fall in love, let it go without doing anything because I'm still married and don't want to hurt anyone, although naturally it winds up hurting everyone. I fall in love a second time, again without any plans or expectations to, and probably for only the second time in twenty years (even if they were only a year apart), and again I have to let it go. I separate, finally. I wind up in a financial hole I can't see out of. A hurricane wipes out my hometown (though fortunately not the town I was living in, so many people have it much worse). I cried a lot for my lost memories and for the pain a lot of my friends are going through, I cried a little for the unpursued loves (probably just infatuations, anyway). I felt a little pride that I had behaved well.

So you'd think with all that, and me in a job that is so short of what I'm capable of as to be depressing, that I'd feel miserable. But no, I've felt good about life for those two years, with some moments of self-pity--something I hate.

So now something else happens, or rather, I find out about something that happened many, many years ago. It was bad. It hurts to know it happened. It ruined a part of my life, and I had never understood why it had been ruined. I have had to promise to tell no one about it. And the person it happened to is someone I would have never wanted anything bad to happen to, ever. I even find that my parents knew and kept it from me. I don't blame them, but, I don't know, it changes a lot of the way I see a part of my life. Now I've got that "Whatcouldhavebeen" disease. I could have prevented this thing if only... etc.

Geeze. Now I'm really a mess. Sigh. Oh well, I guess I can look forward to much more depressing things happening in the future, eh? That helps :rofl: . And it's not like no one else is going through much worse.

Alright, enough babbling. Just wanted to jot down a few private thoughts in front of 90,000 of my closest friends. I think I'll go watch a Tom Cruise movie and eat at Olive Garden, after driving my Prius to Walmart. Just so I can get back to more serious discussions!