Reply #45: Yes ...and I cannot seem to make it go away ...

[mntleo2]

I have been aware for awhile of my own greed. Still I do not let it go. I have not felt so much the desire to be able to buy whatever I want but ...just to HAVE whatever we need whenever we need it. This leads to keeping things I do *not* need but *might* need them, am I making any sense?

The problem with this for me inside is that perhaps someone else does need what I have. When I know that, I give it away or share it (if I need some too), but there is still a lot more I could give if I knew where to do it. I think it has to do with controlling SOMETHING when in poverty, life seems so ...uncontrollable and random as to getting needs met.

Many of us in poverty in jest call it "involuntary simplicity" because many upper income people have the choice of "voluntary simplicity" where they shed all the things they think they no longer "need" like that 2nd car (when my FIRST one is dying and boy could I use a decent car that I can depend upon and oh Lord I wish it were "greener")! Or all those nice things in their closet they got rid of (when I am lucky to have one nice thing that fits nice and looks good and is appropriate for whatever I am doing/going/participating in). Or say, if they decided they do not need heat in their homes, they can just wear sweaters, well, a: they have nice warm sweaters that fit them and look nice to wear, and b: they can always turn the heat back on if it doesn't work, or c: they can buy something "greener" that will heat them AND wear those nice sweaters. Meanwhile my "involuntary simplicity" embodies that I am burning wood that pollutes and causes so many breathing problems with others because that is the way I can keep myself and my 3 year old warm because I cannot afford the elctric heat in my home...

The truth is that these "voluntary simplistic people" can always buy whatever they "gave up" if they discover they "need" it again. I cannot do that and worse in order to answer my needs I may need stuff to do it with that I cannot just toss out because I can't easily replace it, soooo...thus the need to keep things I do not need ~ for now, lol.

To be honest with you I do not think the Universe wants us to be in want and if we just realized that "thoughts are things" and whatever we need WILL manifest itself, this seems so simple. Even in physics I can see that in the law "nothing is ever destroyed, merely re-organized ..." But "re-organized into WHAT????" is what my doubts ask, lol. So until any of us can truly trust that is true ...something tells me we WILL have greed. Somebody will always think they "need" more than the next guy (and maybe they will depending on their circumstances). But that is not the only aspect of greed. It is not just what "others" have that you do not (sort of an envy thing), it is also about being afraid to not have what YOU need, or being so needy you freeze/starve/have no home. It is about losing control over your reality (or at least I think it is with me). It is a slippery thing to grasp within one's self and merely trying to justify whatever way it manifests itself, is still something to wrestle with and change.

Soooo, how do you change that??? Inquiring minds want to know! I think if we could find the keys to greed, we would do a hell of a lot to change the world into something that is better, am I wrong?

Love
Cat