Reply #39: Marriage is a partnership...

[TygrBright]

...and although peoples' definitions of "partnership" vary widely (especially in relation to marriage!) it's generally accepted that it means all parties to the partnership make a contribution and all parties benefit.

Where partnerships get in trouble is when the values they define to each party's contribution, and the values they assign to each party's benefits, differ widely among the partners.

If you accept the goal of the partnership as being the formation of a unit that sustains everyone in the unit economically, socially, and emotionally, then each party needs to contribute in some measure to each of those areas. You run into trouble when one partner doesn't share the other partner's priorities for (as an example) emotional sustenance, and values her or his contribution to that part of the partnership far more highly than their partner's contribution. Or feels that their partner is getting a far greater level of benefit than he or she is.

With regard to the economic aspects of marriage, a partnership that ONLY counts revenue as the measure of economic benefit runs a lot of risk, especially when the revenue contribution is heavily lopsided. A partnership that recognizes expense management, asset management, and liability management as equally important to economic well-being can allocate those responsibilities in a way that balances the contributions of both partners, and enhances the perception of benefits.

That all sounds very abstract, but what it comes down to is that a spouse who doesn't contribute much to the revenue side of the economic equation can nevertheless be crucial to the economic whole by managing the partnership's budget wisely, controlling expenses and getting the maximum possible bang for each buck, working to add value to the partnership's assets (maintaining and/or improving the home, property, business, etc.,) and minimizing liabilities using many different strategies. At the same time, a spouse not generating much of the total revenue can enhance the value of the partnership for both by raising the level of 'lifestyle amenities' in all kinds of ways, and carrying a larger share (but NOT the whole) of the contribution burden in social and emotional areas. If the revenue-generating spouse understands and values these benefits the same way, the value of the contributions can offset (and more!) the value of the revenue.

Anyone who looks at the revenue side as the only, or even the most, important contribution to the economic aspect of the marriage partnership is setting the marriage up for chaos, strife, and failure.

dogmatically,
Bright