Reply #156: My own experiences

[Anser]

I have read about 60% of this thread, and there are a few things I would like to say.

How have I been hurt directly by sexism? Keep in mind that I am only 23. Here are some of the ways:

1. I had applied for a job at a department store while I was in high school. I get a phone call from them, pick it up, and they start saying how they have a stocking job open and wonder if I’m interested. As soon as they hear my voice for the first time say yes, they immediately retract their job offer. Their reason? I’m a woman, too weak for a stocking job. Didn’t matter that I could carry my 180lbs boyfriend in my arms and did farm work.

2. I wanted to go to college. I applied to my local college, enrolled in Engineering Science. But my mother didn’t care that I had been accepted into the hardest field at the university, she just was pissed at my that I wouldn’t accept her boss’s offer of a secretary position instead, because “every girl my age would jump at the chance to be a secretary.”

3. Later, at college. I stopped to talk to my chemistry teacher, after the first day of lab, about something specific in the lab. For some reason, towards the end of our talk, he drew a Venn diagram up on the board, showing men’s intelligence and women’s intelligence. His conclusion? I was dumber than the men in my class.

4. The next year, my boyfriend, Frank, (who is in the same major as me) and I were looking for an English teacher to take composition class with. We arrived at this one professor’s office, and proceeded to ask questions about what his class would be like. He refused to ever look at me, instead only talking to my boyfriend. Needless to say, we found another professor.

5. We were applying for scholarships at the engineering school. The interviewers knew that we were together. In our separate interviews, Frank was asked all about his career goals and the school, I was never mentioned in his interview. In my interview, I was told not to marry before getting a Bachelors and was asked all about Frank, hardly any questions were about me. We both got the scholarship, but Frank got twice the amount I did, and I had a higher GPA.

6. When we were graduating from that college with Associate Degrees, we were both honored at graduation, as flag bearers. I was the one for the Engineering school and had to sit down with everyone else, and Frank was honored with the whole campus one and got to sit up on stage. There was an article about us in the local newspaper that day, how we’d been together through adversity and were graduating at the top of the class. During his speech, the President of the University congradulated “Frank and his girlfriend” for this accomplishment.

7. We’d transferred on into Physics at a 4 year university. One summer we worked together on a research project. Our employer was doing some funny business with our payment. When we approached him about it, he offered Frank 1.5 times what he was willing to offer me, even though we had the same level of experience. Right in front of my face. We quit.

8. Being fed up with Physics, we decided to try law school out. When checking out different schools, we got a tour from a current student at one. She gave us both our pamphlets, and proceeded to take us around the school, answering both of our questions. After about 20 minutes, she turns to me and says how the law school has a great support network for people whos spouses were in law school. I didn’t know what she was getting at right away, but then it dawned on me. She thought I was just tagging along with my husband, and hadn’t been an admitted student in my own right.
…. And I cant right forever, so I have to stop somewhere.

So my point is that yes, sexism is systematic, and yes, it does have specific harmful impacts on individuals. As you can see, I married a great man, who has supported me, and we have faced sexism together. But most women aren’t so lucky.

Another point that needs to be said that I didn’t see addressed, is that yes, there are many women who are sexist. However, they’re not aiming their sexism at men. They’re aiming it at other women. My mother was a prime example, trying to keep me back for no other reason.

Sexism internalizes itself into our minds, that is how it is perpetuated so well. So we, as progressives, have to take an active stand in ourselves to try to pay attention to when we are making gerneralizations about gender. And we have to not allow any outward manifestations of it. Only then will it be eliminated.

Thank you for reading.