Reply #197: Pretty Good for a Man - OR - No Chicks in the Band

[Dora]

Sexism exists in all our lives, whether we're men or women, whether the victim or the perpetrator.

I am a woman, and these are examples of the sexism I see, experience, and/or admittedly inflict or facilitate:

1) A male friend of my husband's and mine comes to visit, yet spends nearly the entire time speaking directly to my husband, barely acknowledging my contributions to the conversation. He doesn't engage or debate my opinions; he "corrects" them.

2) My father-in-law says to me, "Please keep my son in line." His son is 47 years old and eleven years older than me, and the last time he needed to be "kept in line" was six years before we met.

3) I ask my husband to handle all communications and negotiations with subcontractors for an upcoming remodeling job. The reasoning behind this is part sense, part sexism: I work full-time, he works part-time, and in my experience with tradesmen, they're more explicit and forthcoming speaking with a man than with a woman.

4) I do most of the cooking and shopping. I think I'm a better cook, and I also think I'm a better shopper. It's purely sexist. When my husband makes dinner, I am surprised and think something along the lines of, "pretty good for a man..."

5) Often, my husband is reluctant to join a musical project that has a woman involved. He's only half-joking when he says to me, "No chicks in the band, man."

6) My husband and I work for the same university, and I've worked here longer than he has and I have a graduate degree when he does not. He earns $1.50 more an hour than I do.

7) I applied for a position that opened within my department - the move would have been lateral but with the opportunity for greater professional development in the long run. The position went to the only other in-house applicant (male) who had "more experience" in publishing, even though I had been with our unit for a longer time, the difference between his and my length of experience in publishing was a mere couple of months, and I held a greater understanding of our overall work-flow and in-house procedures.

8) When I was a graduate student, my first choice of thesis advisor (male) asked me to choose another faculty member to work with (also male, but one who needed to bump up his grad advisee load). This second-choice advisor had not been writing or publishing for years and could not offer any professional support or advice other than feedback on my writing. He was a likable man with an incredible mind, and I enjoyed working with him greatly. However, I watched my fellow students make inroads in their careers as a direct result of the support and influence of their advisors, support and influence that was not available to me. My first choice did not ask any other students to work with #2, and I have always suspected that I was asked to work with #2 because as a woman, I would be more "accommodating" of such a request.

9) Whether it's every day (like it used to be) or once a year (hey, I'm older now), it's a drag to look up from whatever I'm doing realize that a man is staring at my breasts or my ass. Yes, it's a drag. My heart sinks, and I feel angry.

It's my belief that men and women are not equal, we're different with different needs skills abilities hopes dreams biological functions, etc. But we should given equal opportunity, equal access, equal protections, and equal rights.