Right Wing Whacko Spam E-mail...and My Response

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Got the following in an e-mail. Let me know if you like my response.
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"Difference Between Liberals and Conservatives

A family is out for an evening walk when little Timmy decides to throw a temper tantrum, sits down on the curb, and refuses to go any farther. What do his parents do?

If his parents are conservatives, they bid Timmy a cheerful "B-Bye!" and keep right on strolling. Within a couple of minutes, Timmy will decide that coming along is more fun than sitting alone on the curb, and will run to catch up.

If his parents are liberals, the whole family will stop while the parents console and encourage Timmy until he is ready to proceed once more. This will only take a couple of minutes, and the stroll will continue.

Apparently, both methods work. The difference is what happens on the next walk. Y'see, the Timmy with the liberal parents has now learned that throwing a temper tantrum gets him attention, so he will do it again -- and he will continue to throw bigger and more elaborate tantrums as long as it works. Meanwhile, the Timmy with the conservative parents will never pull that shit again.

Yet, while the method used by the conservative family is clearly the one with long-term results, they are constantly berated by liberals for being cruel and heartless. "You just left Timmy there? How could you? What if he never caught up? He could have been emotionally scarred for life! There oughta be a law prohibiting such mistreatment!"

Would the conservative family have reacted differently if little Timmy had fallen down and broken his leg? Of course; they're not heartless, that's just liberal propaganda.

Will the liberal family ever learn how to get Timmy to quit throwing tantrums? Sure -- and that's why people tend to get more conservative as they get older: because they learn."

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Here's my "Reply to all" response

A family is out for an evening walk when little Timmy decides to throw a temper tantrum, sits down on the curb, and refuses to go any farther. What do his parents do?

If his parents are conservatives, they pray over Timmy, "Oh God, please make Timmy get up and walk". That doesn't work, but looking around, they see that no one else is praying. "If only we passed a law requiring everyone to pray for little Timmy, he would get up and walk". So, they make a big campaign donation to a politician and he passes a law requiring prayer, but it still doesn't make Timmy get up and walk. "Wait" say the conservatives, "the law requires you to pray to my God, not yours",..."it's all your fault, if you hadn't allowed people to worship in their own way, little Timmy would be walking by now"...still, despite their best efforts, Timmy still sits there on the curb. Then the conservatives look across the street and see two men sitting on the curb sipping beer. "Damn" says the conservative, "that culture of men sitting drinking beer is what's wrong" if only Timmy didn't have to see men sitting there drinking beer, he'd get up and walk". The conservative makes another donation to a politician and a law is passed banning sitting on the curb drinking beer. The two men simply move to a place where they can't be seen, but despite the "Culture War" against "beer-drinking-sitting-men", Timmy still sits there. Finally the conservative goes to Timmy and says, I'll give you $100 if you get up and walk. Timmy takes the money, and manages to make it about 10 feet before he sits again. The conservative is perplexed, but thinks, "if only the government would cut my taxes, I'd have even more money to "trickle down" to Timmy to get him to walk. So again, he goes to a politician and a fat tax-cut is passed. It increased the cost of goods and services for the poor and the middle class, but the conservative doesn't give a crap about them, he needs more money to make his son walk. He gives Timmy another $100, and Timmy walks another 10 feet. Finally, the conservative sees a hard working union man. His young son ran to the bus stop to meet his dad, and they walk hand-in-hand together back to their little two bedroom, 900 square foot patch of the American Dream, lunchbox swinging in his rough assembly line chiseled hands. The conservative approaches and says; "excuse me good man, but I just can't get my son to budge from this curb, I'll pay your son $20 if he would carry my son to the restaurant, it's only a block away". The union man looks at his son and says; "well, it's up to you tiger". The boy accepts the deal, puts Timmy on his back and carrys him to the restaurant. The conservative gives the boy $18 of the $20, because the extra $2 is so he can keep his profit margin up, you know, just in case he needs to hire more people to carry his son.

If his parents are liberals however, the whole family will stop while the parents check to make sure that Timmy isn't hurt. They'll tell Timmy that unless he stops his tantrum and walks with them, there will be no ice cream after supper. Dad extends his hand and gives Timmy a "leg-up" and Timmy gladly continues on, secure in knowing that his actions have consequences, and if he stumbles, the people that love him will help him stand up. Timmy's liberal parents also encourage Timmy to solve his own problems and teach him that the culture of sitting-beer-drinking-men has nothing to do with his ability to walk. Timmy saves every penny he has from his paper route until he has enough money to buy those sneakers with the in-line skates built right in. On their next walk, Timmy again gets tired and stops to sit down on the curb. He looks up at his mom, smiles and says; "it's OK Mom, I've got it this time". He pops out the skates on his shoes and happily rolls along with the family. His liberal parents tell him that they are proud he used his own imagination and initiative to solve his problem.

Apparently, both methods work. The difference is what happens for the rest of their lives. Y'see, the Timmy with the liberal parents has now learned that his actions have consequences, passing laws to stop people from sitting on the curb, or requiring them to pray is not the solution, that those that love and care for him will extend a hand to help him up, and that he can find innovative solutions to his problems. He also learns the value of hard work and saving your money so you can buy the things you need to improve your quality of life. He knows that if he ever gets tired and has to sit down, it's only a temporary set-back that he can overcome with the help and encouragement of those around him and his own work and initiative.

The method used by the conservative family is flawed to say the least, but everyone on Faux News and talk radio reaffirms their method and makes it clear that they are not at fault. It's the poor and the minorities that are not allowing their method to work, and the evil liberal media showing stories of people helping each other, are just biased against them. Conservative Little Timmy learns that he can get a lot of money from his dad just for sitting on his ass, and if he needs to go somewhere, he can get there on the backs of union workers and the poor. Little Timmy also learns that it's not his fault he was just sitting on the curb, but it was the "Sitting Culture" that made him sit there. Conservative Timmy also learned that if you have enough money, you can get the politicians to give you what you want, whether it be forced prayer, banning of sitting, or tax-cuts. He also learned that to him, it doesn't matter if the price of goods and services increase, paying for them is just a small portion of his wealth. "I only need to use 10% of my net worth to survive, why should I care that the union worker and the middle class have to use 90% of their net-worth to survive". Besides, he thinks, "the more money I have, the more the lower class will be able to carry me" Conservative Timmy sees this as a "win-win" for everybody. "I get more money, and they get to carry me". "Who could complain about that"?