Legitimate sympathy or compassion versus feeling "sorry for", vice versa

[CommonSensePLZ]

No, this is not about Japan, although that issue could be used as an example.

Here is something life has taught me. Often when people show "sympathy", or one of it's synonym it's fake and they might not even be aware of it. What they see is the issue, the situation, the problem and they see it afflicting someone or something and that powerlessness of the afflicted makes them sad. So maybe they'll do something, throw a buck that way, say some kind-sounding words. But they aren't doing it to help the afflicted, they're doing to help themselves. They're doing it to do what they feel they can to end or cease that negative reality they have been confronted with because it makes them feel uncomfortable. But truthfully they don't really care about the person who IS afflicted.

A book I once read is a demonstration of this somewhat, the Walter Dean Myers book Monster. In this story (white texted for spoilers) a young man is accused of a crime, and when the trial is over he goes to hug his lawyer, who he's had many meetings with but she pushes him away and he is left dumbfounded.

This is a lesson life has taught me also: Just because someone feels sorry for your situation does NOT mean they're you're friend and it certainly doesn't mean they're going to still care after your problems have been resolved. You just become another face to them at that point. Before, they subconsciously put themselves above you because you were at their mercy. But now that you're just another anybody else they no longer care, because they only cared about the problem in the first place, and that hasn't changed.

Here's how I see it: True sympathy or compassion is something people tend to feel for their close relatives. Because they have a bond the person will legitimately want to see that person get better, although it will still be for unconscious selfish reasons - That they want that relative they love and have such good times with to continue to be there to provide them with good times.

Fake sympathy is the case I described above, and maybe something like this: Say you see a vagrant (okay, homeless person, no need for the big words lol) and you give them some money because you really feel sad about how beat up they look. A month later that person confronts you and thanks you, but they look healthier, they got a job, a new home, new clothes and a nice smile. How do you feel? Mildly happy that their situation is better and a bit freaked out by being confronted by a stranger unexpectantly. But do you feel like you could be this person's friend? Would you invite him to dinner and try to get to know him? No! Because you never really cared about him, you just felt sorry for him. If he were to suggest such ideas to you you'd give him some fake excuse, a fake phone number, email address or Facebook account to get rid of him. You might go so far as to justify your aloofness by telling yourself "Oh, he's ok now, he'll make new friends" and move on to the next thing quickly as you can before your conscience can strangle you for swallowing such bull.

So that's how I see it, now how about you? And to whoever will be the first to post "just because that's how you are" to me - No, this is how it just seems people do.