undergroundpanther, peace be with you....

[cap]

I sympathize...My grandmother went through something similar during the Great Depression. My grandfather was injured in a work accident -- solder flew into his eye. They took him up to Boston for an operation and the doctor operated on the wrong eye, leaving him totally blind. In those days, they didn't hire the blind. My grandmother was the sole support of the family. She worked in the textile mills in Pawtucket, RI. The mills were closing and moving South for cheap labor (sounds familiar to today's IT doesn't it????). She kept trying to keep the family together to the point that she was starving herself so that the kids could eat. She got sick and lost her job. The strain was too much on her and she was institutionalized for a "nervous breakdown" -- you had to be pretty far out there in those days to get into a mental ward at state expense. She was raped and beaten in the institution (their version of "tough love") and given electroshock treatments.

When her sons got old enough to work, they got jobs and petitioned the state to let their mother live with them. Her life did change and she led a good life and was beloved by many people for her good heartedness.

Just remember, there is more to life than a job. Reach out and find it for yourself. My family loved classical music and literature...that has sustained them.

Don't give in to the negativity in our culture. You can cultivate things that are not expensive that give you joy.

Remember the movie, "Life is Beautiful" where a concentration camp inmate found goodness even in that hellhole. Find the beauty in life and hold on tight to it.

[undergroundpanther]

1. Thanks Cap.

maybe when enough people are hurt by this culture we will stop doing the same old "solutions". Either it'sa game in some form for the state be a mommy or it's pull yourself up by yer bootstraps.Neither approach is realistic OR honest.Our culture oour society is built on LOOTING. Looting by a few from the many who need too.

When "conduct disordered" people set the norms of conduct and ethical behavior for society those of us with genuine character who can stand outside of the norms and see the dangers of them will be seen as the disordered ones and we will be scapegoated lest we help other people see through the game.

Life has played out this way too often in this world,because bullies and thieves are dominating human cultures .It has happened this way personally as well, especially when I stand up against some arrogant yahoo and call him wrong for stifling human compassion,ethics,freedom ,respect and civility,for those less able to defend themselves from those who would exploit thier ignorance,trust, confusion, misery and kindness.
The viciousness I get in reply from some arrogant people to just doing what my heart demands of me so I can live with myself is mind boggling.

To be cared for,you gotta care for who cares for you back in the way you can, anything else is greed and looting.Money isn't as important as quality of life when none of us asked to be here and we all suffer.(in various degrees and ways of course) This existance could stop at any momentand all the wealth in the world cannot love you.That's why it's important to care.We all need each other no matter how much we like to pretend we could do better without certain people in the way.

[noiretextatique]

2. we do all need each other

i have suffered from depression all my life. i am sure there is a physiological/biochemical component to my problem, but after years of therapy, i have also come to understand it is partly a learned response. i learned this response as a child...it was a way to escape from a toxic family situation i didn't have the skills to handle. my i was younger, i experienced the kind of depressive bouts that completely immobilized me...i would literally stay in bed for months. i tried anti-depressants, but i could never really tolerate them physically. since i tend to process intellectually, what really helped me was study...the study of how i can to be the way i am.

as i began to understand the part of my depression that was a learned response, i began to feel more in control and realize there were some things i could do to unlearn what i learned, and replace those old thought patterns with new ones that more beneficial. i never really understood the concept of "happiness" until i began study it. i know that may sound strange, but since i carried around so much anger and sadness, it always seemed to color even the experience of happiness.

people have told me that i just need to "get over" it, but i have come to understand that what i really need to do is to learn to LIVE with it...and boy, that sometimes takes more energy and strength than i can muster. but, i have been fortunate to find support in some healing communities and with some family members. and i've also learned that my family environment is STILL a trigger for me...and i'm still learning how to manage that.

i was so moved by your story, and others i thought i'd share mine. i believe our purpose on this earth is to help each other live and to better each others lives. i support any and all efforts with MY tax dollars to do so. what i do not support is callous selfishnish, greed, destruction and inhumanity...or the kind that seems so commonplace these days. i would never begrudge one cent given to support people...i think that should the main purpose of government. for me, it is the main purpose of my life.

this culture is toxic...and it is becoming more and more so as we speak. we are inextricably interconnected, so that if there is pain and suffering anywhere, there is pain and suffering everywhere. it is inhuman not to feel empathy and compassion towards our fellow human beings, no matter what mistakes they have made, not matter what their circumstances. perhaps it takes having faced and lived adversity to understand this.

[study_war_no_more]

4. just to add to what you said

I also examined my reaction to depression and its value as a writer much of the impetus to write was to state what my depression was. A actual pretty sane reaction to living in a country I love and is sliding down the tubes. What love and beauty and what worlds I find in each grain of sand has its opposit side of the coin the Neomorlocks who know not the self acceptance to treat others as equals. Anyway my point is since I was depressed I have learned not to hide it but to value its signals as my soul telling me to pay attention and love this world more fiercely. Knowing norietblu to be a very accomplished artist it prompted me to share this.
Mitakuye Oyasin- we are all related!!

[cap]

3. keep on plugging...

these times are a true test of moral character. Yes, character does matter; but not when it is a hollow shibboleth used to mask hypocrisy and cruelty.

One of the people at Mom's eulogy described her as a person who had tremendous moral clarity and stood up for what she thought was right even when she was the only person to do so.

It is not easy. But keep on truckin' and over time people do notice these things, surprisingly. There are people around who do see this in you.

Your parents or someone in your environment instilled true moral values in you. They just didn't tell you how hard it is to live up to them :) !!!!!!

But I think times will change. I do believe in an innate force of goodness in the world that will triumph over the evil surrounding us.

Ya gotta believe.... they didn't say that without a reason!!!