The Adventures of T. Boone Pickens, Episode 5

[TygrBright]

The Collective is working overtime... a two-fer!

The Adventures of T. Boone Pickens

Episode 5

by ThShifties

Legendary billionaire T. Boone Pickens is appearing before a Senate committee to answer questions on energy resources. He has just completed a formal presentation with lots of really big, colorful charts.

Sen. Lieberman: Sir, on behalf of the august body perched on the edge of their seats before you, I extend our sincere thanks for your most inspiratory and elucidative presentation on the impinging crisis in energy.

Now as you all know, I am a committed bipartisan. In practical terms, I vote with the Democrats on social issues. With the Republicans on national security. And with the insurance industry on matters affecting my career. I suppose you might call that tripartisanship.

Chuckles from all.

Open for questions…

Sen. Voinovich: If natural gas is so all-fired plentiful here in the US, why haven’t we been using it already?

Pickens: Cost. But now we’re looking at oil at $140 a barrel. That’s versus $12 a barrel for natural gas. So the cost factors have shifted.

Sen. Voinovich: But if we do convert to reliance on natural gas, won’t the price rise dramatically? The people from the natural gas industry were here just a short while ago, and they indicated the price would have to increase.

Pickens: uncomfortable Well, sure, that’s true, but it ain’t because we’re gonna gouge you or nothin’. It’s just energy. All energy is getting’ more expensive. If it’s cheap you’re lustin’ after, you need to sink your teeth into wind and solar.

Sen. Collins: Mr. Pickens, I don’t mean to put you on the spot, because I’m certain you don’t have a cost figure ready today, but if you did…

Pickens: Five hundred billion dollars. To start.

Sen. Collins: But…I don’t know how that would be allocated.

Pickens: Just give it to me.

Sen. Collins: I can’t even imagine how such a large award would be made.

Pickens: Cashier’s check. Visa don’t go that high. I checked.

Sen. Lieberman: I believe the gentleman from New Mexico is next.

Sen. Domenici: Thank you, Senator. Sir, you know me, do you not?

Pickens: I certainly do.

Sen. Domenici: Excellent. Could you tell me who I am?

Pickens: You’re, um, Senator Domenici.

Sen. Domenici: And don’t you forget it. I know I won’t. Now for my next question. Who is the Governor of New Mexico?

Pickens: I believe it’s Bill Richardson.

Sen. Domenici: And does he have a beard?

Pickens: I believe he does.

Sen. Domenici: Is his beard as attractive as mine?

Pickens: I don’t know how to answer that, sir.

Sen. Domenici: Yes or no will do. We’re all Americans here. Aren’t we?

Pickens: Yours would be more attractive, Senator.

Sen. Domenici: Correct. Now is it not true that that only source of energy that is completely free of greenhouse emissions is nucular power?

Pickens: No sir, I don’t believe that’s true.

Sen. Domenici: Well, it is. And do you know why? Because of the nature of nucules.

And need I remind you these nucules are not buried in hard, inflexible rock? Or squashed beneath tons of nasty dirty filthy seawater?

Pickens: speechless

Sen. Domenici: I rest my case. In fact, I rest all my cases. Leans back in chair and closes eyes.

Sen. Lieberman: Distinguished colleagues and guest, our time has come to an end. By the way, I imagine that following the next election cycle, several of us will be job hunting, so if you have a resume for Mr. Pickens, leave it with David on my staff.

Mr. Pickens, you, like me, are a great American. Your testimony proves that you are above partisan squabbling. You’re interested only in what’s best for the future of our children’s future children. I congratulate you, sir.

Pickens: Senator, I an American first, and an oil man second.

Sen. Lieberman: I know you are.

Pickens: Wait, I mean an American first, and a wind man second.

Sen. Lieberman: Thank you, sir. This meeting is hereby…

Pickens: Wait, I forgot to mention cash. Put cash in there too. Maybe you better make that number one.

Sen. Lieberman: …adjourned…

More Episodes...
Episode 1http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=370148&mesg_id=370148
Episode 2http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=372406&mesg_id=372406
Episode 3http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=372824&mesg_id=372824
Episode 4http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=373182&mesg_id=373182

[undergroundpanther]

1. Dayum

I read them all,good stuff.Good job you"shifty" mofo's!
:spray: