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The Happy Happy Joy Club
By David Glenn Cox
Being the youngest of three children I grew up cynical, it was only natural. After being used and manipulated a number of times by my siblings, I learned to read the fine print.
“Mom says we can have some cookies if you go get them.”
“David! What are you doing in that cookie jar? You know better than that! You know that you have to ask first! Now get out of there!”
“But, Mom?”
“Don’t but mom me, get out of there!”
That all ended on the night my oldest sister was babysitting us by chasing us through the house, snapping us with a wet towel. In her exuberance she knocked the clock off the wall and broke it. Thinking quickly she hatched a plan for her rescue; she would pay me a dollar, which at that time was a princely sum for a six-year-old to blame my other sister for the damage. Being young and naive it never occurred to me to ask how she could give me a dollar if she was only going to get seventy-five cents for babysitting.
Ah, but there was a second act in her drama. After putting me to bed she came into my room and robbed me of my ill-gotten loot. The next day I sang like John Dean before the Watergate hearings. I carry a suspicious nature to this day. While shopping at the store that rhymes with ears, the salesman explained that the extended warranty was available, so I asked, “You mean it doesn’t come with a regular warranty?”
“Oh no,” He answered. “It’s in addition to the regular, full, one-year warranty.”
“You mean your product has two warranties? Or the extended warranty kicks in when the regular warranty runs out?”
“Well, the extended warranty begins immediately, sir.”
“So, I’m paying you for a year of extended warranty at the same time you’re giving me a year for free? Think of it this way,” I said. “You’re betting me money that this machine won’t break down for three years, and you want me to bet you that it will. Mister, that’s a funny sales pitch! Doesn’t say much for your product or your marketing.”
But that’s how they invert the world as they try to sell you something. Trying to get you to bet against yourself. And our modern media does this on a daily basis. Take the first war in Iraq, where US Ambassador to Iraq, April Glassby, told Saddam, “How you handle your relations with Kuwait is none of America’s concern.” Six weeks later the media is filled with stories of Kuwaiti babies thrown from incubators. The Saudis are shown altered satellite photos of Iraqi troops massing on their border, and the rest is history.
The Bush administration and Republican think tanks have pumped 500 million dollars of aide into Georgia to promote “Democracy,” while giving additional military aide and training to the Georgian military by US military officers. The Georgians were pliant and compliant, doing whatever Uncle George asked. Somehow the American media lost the story of Georgian troops firing on unsuspecting Russian peace-keeping troops. Or that the ultimate political goal of the South Ossetians is to join the North Ossetians to form one Ossetia.
The American media portrays Russian aggression and war crimes by by expecting us to believe it was all part of a Russian plan, “You men, remember the peace-keeping plan. If you are attacked for any reason, commit war crimes!” But the American media leaves out North Ossetia and the Georgian attack and instead describes the overwhelming Russian response. Well, guess what would happen if you walked up and punched Mike Tyson in the nose? Would the story be Tyson’s overreaction, or the stupidity of taking a swing at the former heavyweight champion of the world?
Bush pounded his lectern and said scary stuff; Condi said scary stuff and flew to Europe to get NATO to say scary stuff. The Russians proceeded to take Bush apart, brick-by-brick. saying in effect, if you feel froggy then jump! Bush was shown to the world as a toothless tiger and a barroom loud mouth, and just like that the whole story disappeared from the American media. In this case silence is indeed golden, and an honest and open media would proclaim in banner headlines, "President Shows Ass On World Stage While McCain Holds His Pants!"
I was doing some research the other day on Iraqi arms purchases. I was trying to find out why the US military is trying to sell 140 M1A1, top of the line, main battle tanks to Iraq. What do they need those tanks for? Let’s get real for a second, who will most likely end up on the wrong end of the barrel? It’s just a dumb idea to sell tanks to a country that’s still working on flush toilets and electricity. A story came up in USA today about Iraqi irresponsibility with the weapons they already have. A GAO study was cited where Iraqi officials lost 185,000 AK-47 assault rifles provided by the US military.
Wait a minute! I thought. I wrote about that two years ago. That wasn’t the Iraqis, that was L. Paul Bremmer and Company. Rather than buy new weapons on the open market, Bremmer’s commandos bought secondhand instead. Remember the war in Yugoslavia? And how the warring factions were to be disarmed and the weapons destroyed? Well, the factions were disarmed all right, but the weapons ended up on the black market. Bremmer’s raiders made a deal to buy the guns but black market arms dealers wouldn’t take a check; so Bremmer's henchmen sent them cash. The arms merchants were supervised while loading the weapons onto an old Soviet Republic Airline cargo plane, and as it would turn out later the airline had no license, business, flight or otherwise. Everyone smiled and waved as the plane took off, another job well done for the American taxpayer and now it's Miller time! Except that the plane never arrived in Iraq. Bremmer and his boys had been suckered, hoodwinked, taken on a transcontinental snipe hunt.
There they were, waiting on the runway, holding the bag wide open, waiting for the snipes to come. But now the GAO reports that the episode was all the fault of those irresponsible Iraqi’s. It would appear that the truth has absolutely no place or meaning in our society anymore. Reverend Rick at the Swayback Church told us the candidates were to be kept in a cone of silence off stage. At the time when he said that, one candidate wasn’t even in the building! If the honorable Reverend had said that during taping of the game show “The Price is Right,” his next book would have been entitled “The Purpose-Driven Prison Sentence.”
The McCain camp assures us that there was no impropriety; let's get real. If the New England Patriots will tape the opposition's practice, the candidates for President of the United States will take every advantage possible to them. I’m not going to the cookie jar on that one! But again, presto! The story disappears; how about those possible VP candidates huh? No news, but let's talk about them anyway! This morning I was reading a news story, “Americans Less Gloomy on Economy Amid Discontent, Poll Finds.
“For the first time since January 2007, Americans who say the economy will improve in the next six months outnumber people who say it will get worse, by 28-to-21 percent. A bigger group, 45 percent of those surveyed, says it will stay about the same.”
Is the economy good now? The article's title implies no; 45% say it will stay about the same as it is now, or bad. 21% say it will get worse, so less than 30% say it will get better, yet what is the title? “Americans Less Gloomy on Economy Amid Discontent, Poll Finds.” A perfect example of the happy, happy, joy club, the media inverting the news subverting the meaning of the news. Telling only the good news. But there is always a meaning behind the message; my siblings only abused me for gain, never for sport!
`Could Help McCain'
``If this trend increases and people start opening up their pocketbooks, it could help McCain, since Obama is now winning on the economy and gas-price issues,'' Pinkus says.”
They tell us of improving home sales in California, and leave out that 40% of the sales are foreclosure sales. Of improving conditions in Iraq, but not about the growing crisis in Afghanistan. Scapegoating Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac while ignoring the self-inflicted wounds of Ford and GM. A corporate oligarchy to tell us only the news that we peasants need to know. The good news, the happy news, the Fox news, the happy, happy, joy club.
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