The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 374

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The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 374

Edited on Mon Oct-05-09 12:51 AM by EarlG

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 374

October 5, 2009
Petty Hate Machine Edition

This week there's a whiff of desperation in the air. The Hate America First Crowd (1) celebrates the fact that the Olympics won't be held here in 2016, Newsmax (2) day-dreams about a military coup, and Chuck Norris (4) wants you to desecrate the flag. Elsewhere, John Ensign (7) is in deep doo-doo, Jim Bunning (9) takes a nap, and Newt Gingrich (10) is hot to trot. Don't forget the key!

The Hate America First Crowd

During the eight long, dreadful years of the Bush administration, liberals were repeatedly accused of hating America. Oppose George W. Bush's unfunded $1.3 trillion tax cut for the richest Americans? You hate America! Oppose the invasion of Iraq which has cost taxpayers $3 trillion so far? You hate America! Think that John Kerry would have made a better president than George W. Bush? You hate America! Disgusted by Bush's response to Hurricane Katrina? You must really hate America!

Last week President Obama took 18 hours out of his day to fly to Copenhagen and back in order to give a boost to America's chances of hosting the 2016 Olympics. As it turned out, Obama's pitch could not derail the clear favorite Brazil, who eventually took home the prize. But you can't knock the President for giving it a shot.

Or can you? The way the right-wing reacted, you'd think Saddam Hussein had just been hanged all over again. Never mind the fact that hosting the Olympics would have created thousands of American jobs, provided a real economic stimulus to the Midwest, and improved America's international image...

"For those of you ... who are upset that I sound gleeful, I am. I don't deny it. I'm happy." -- http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/200910020022">Rush Limbaugh

"ChicagP\/\/n3D!" -- http://twitter.com/Newsmax_Media/status/4556944014">Newsmax

"Please, please let me break this news to you. It's so sweet." -- http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/200910020014">Glenn Beck

Yes folks, that's the right-wing reacting to news that an American city will not be hosting the Olympics in 2016. Want more? The Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/02/conservatives-revel-in-ob_n_307794.html">reported that:

Upon being informed of the news, a gathering of conservatives at the Americans For Prosperity -- one of the main organizing groups behind the tea party protests -- erupted in applause. They cheered once more after they were told that Chicago had been eliminated during the first round of voting. The moment was captured on video and reported by Hotline On Call.

Or how about the reaction at the Weekly Standard? http://thinkprogress.org/2009/10/02/weekly-standard-chicago/">According to Think Progress:

Soon after news broke that the International Olympic Committee had rejected Chicago's bid to host the 2016 Olympics, which President Obama had personally lobbied for, Weekly Standard blogger John McCormack published a celebratory post on the magazine's blog, titled "Chicago Loses! Chicago Loses!." McCormack wrote that "Cheers erupt at WEEKLY STANDARD world headquarters."

It's okay though - shortly after it was published, the Weekly Standard edited McCormack's post to remove the reference to cheers and tone the headline down a bit. Phew! That was close. For a moment there they almost came across as being a bit, you know... un-American.

Newsmax

Just in case you're still unclear on where the right-wing stands vis-a-vis America, conservative author John L. Perry can help you out. Last week Perry penned a column for Newsmax which - believe it or not - fantasized about a http://www.salon.com/politics/war_room/2009/09/30/newsmax/index.html">military coup that might take place inside the United States.

There is a remote, although gaining, possibility America's military will intervene as a last resort to resolve the "Obama problem." Don't dismiss it as unrealistic.

(snip)

Imagine a bloodless coup to restore and defend the Constitution through an interim administration that would do the serious business of governing and defending the nation. Skilled, military-trained, nation-builders would replace accountability-challenged, radical-left commissars. Having bonded with his twin teleprompters, the president would be detailed for ceremonial speech-making.

Military intervention is what Obama's exponentially accelerating agenda for "fundamental change" toward a Marxist state is inviting upon America. A coup is not an ideal option, but Obama's radical ideal is not acceptable or reversible.

Yeah, that's the ticket! Toss out all those useless democratically-elected civilians and replace then with "skilled, military-trained, nation-builders." What better way to "restore and defend the Constitution."

But don't worry - Newsmax subsequently http://www.salon.com/politics/war_room/2009/09/30/newsmax_statement/index.html">removed the column and tried to claim that Perry has "no official relationship with Newsmax other than as an unpaid blogger." (Despite the fact that the bio at the end of his many Newsmax articles calls him "a regular columnist for Newsmax.com.") So it's almost like it never even happened!

Jim DeMint

Speaking of coups, Sen. Jim DeMint's showed his love for America last week by travelling overseas and deliberately undermining U.S. foreign policy.

DeMint, a Republican member of the Senate Finance Committee, went to Honduras to offer support to its unelected dictator, who recently ousted President Manuel Zelaya by force. Current U.S. policy states that the takeover was illegal, and that Zelaya is still the legitimate president.

Okay I must have missed something here. I was under the impression that it's a big no-no for a U.S. Senator to travel overseas and publicly offer support to a foreign power that the U.S. government considers illegitimate. Is that allowed now? Is this one of those "The election of Obama changed everything" moments?

Maybe DeMint is taking a cue from Newsmax and going over there to get tips on how to stage a successful coup.

Chuck Norris

Here's a good man to have on your side during a coup: Chuck Norris. Sure, he may be getting on a bit, but I bet he could still take down a Secret Service agent or two before his knees gave out.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago Chuckles wrote a column for townhall.com in which he http://townhall.com/columnists/ChuckNorris/2009/09/22/dont_tread_on_me!?page=2">said the following:

As 9/12 concluded, we all heard many ways to keep this revolutionary movement going. But I was sitting back thinking there's one way we can take a daily stand and declare that as for me and my house, we will serve God and the republic as the Founders did.

If that describes you, then I suggest you fly some revolutionary flag in lieu of your 50-star flag over the next year. Post the 13-star Betsy Ross flag, Navy Jack or Gadsden flag ("Don't Tread on Me") or any representation that tells the story of Old Glory and makes a stand for our Founders' vision of America.

You heard right - Chuck Norris wants you to go outside and take down your star-spangled banner. A bit odd this - I vaguely seem to recall that Barack Obama was once nearly burned at the stake for not wearing a flag pin. Times have certainly changed.

So Chuckles, what do you tell people who think you're being unpatriotic?

Of course, patriots know that the 50-star flag truly represents one nation under God and our Founders' republic, but modernists simply don't get it. So what do you say we make a statement by flying a different flag and educate our neighbors when they ask us, "Why are you flying that flag instead of the contemporary Stars and Stripes?"

Ah, I see! Reverse psychology. Very clever.

If you insist on posting a modern USA flag, too, then get one that is tea-stained to show your solidarity with our Founders.

So let's see... you want people to either take down their American flags, or stain them with tea. Hey Chuck, here's an idea - why don't you and your buddies just cut to the chase and soak them in piss?

Michelle Bachmann

Picture the scene at GOP headquarters as the health care reform battle slowly draws to a conclusion...

Republican Consultant #1: So let's see. We've done "Death Panels."

Republican Consultant #2: Yup.

Republican Consultant #1: That didn't work.

Republican Consultant #2: No.

Republican Consultant #1: And we've done "Government Takeover."

Republican Consultant #2: Uh huh.

Republican Consultant #1: And that didn't work.

Republican Consultant #2: Not really.

Republican Consultant #1: And we've done the whole "Socialism" thing.

Republican Consultant #2: Yes.

Republican Consultant #1: And that didn't work.

Republican Consultant #2: Um... no.

Republican Consultant #1: Hmm. What's left on the list?

Republican Consultant #2: That's it I'm afraid. Well...

Republican Consultant #1: What?

Republican Consultant #2: It's nothing.

Republican Consultant #1: No, you said "well..." - Well what? It's not "Communist Vampires Will Feast On Your Kidneys" again is it? I told you already we're not doing that.

Republican Consultant #2: No... Bob had an idea. But I'm warning you, he came up with this in the middle of a six-hour hookers-and-blow marathon down at C Street.

Republican Consultant #1: Go on.

Republican Consultant #2: We get Michelle Bachmann to announce from the House floor that if health care reform passes, Planned Parenthood will put sex clinics in schools and give secret free abortions to 13-year-olds.

Republican Consultant #1: Ha ha! Oh... you were being serious. Okay.

http://www.salon.com/politics/war_room/2009/10/01/bachmann/">Salon, October 1, 2009:

Speaking on the floor of the House of Representatives, the Minnesota Republican warned parents everywhere that if Democrats' healthcare reform legislation passes, school clinics will become controlled by Planned Parenthood and turned into sex clinics that promote abortions free of parental consent for 13-year-old girls.

Bachmann said: "And written in this bill is a provision whereby Planned Parenthood could become a proprietor for school-based clinics in every school across United States. These have been more accurately called school sex clinics ... And as a matter of fact, the bill goes on to say what's going to go on -- comprehensive primary health services, physicals, treatment of minor acute medical conditions, referrals to follow-up for specialty care -- is that abortion? Does that mean that someone's 13 year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus that night? Mom and dad are never the wiser."

House Republicans

Keep Michelle Bachmann's words in mind as you contemplate this mind-bending chunk of chutzpa: last week House Republicans demanded a formal apology from Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) because during a speech on the House floor Grayson noted that 45,000 Americans die each year from lack of health insurance and said that the Republican health care plan is "Don't get sick," and failing that, "Die quickly."

The horror! This of course follows a summer during which, http://thinkprogress.org/2009/09/30/mchenry-price-health/">according to Think Progress:

Rep. Ginny Brown-Waite (R-FL) said on the House floor: "Last week Democrats released a health care bill which essentially said to America's seniors: Drop dead."

Rep. Steve King (R-IA) said on the House floor: "They're going to save money by rationing care, getting you in a long line. Places like Canada, United Kingdom, and Europe. People die when they're in line."

Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC) said on the House floor: "(The Republican plan will) make sure we bring down the cost of health care for all Americans and that ensures affordable access for all Americans and is pro-life because it will not put seniors in a position of being put to death by their government."

Rep. Paul Broun (R-GA) said on the House floor: "That's exactly what's going on in Canada and Great Britain today ... and a lot of people are going to die."

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) said on the House floor: "One in five people have to die because they went to socialized medicine! ... I would hate to think that among five women, one of 'em is gonna die because we go to socialized care."

And of course let's not forget bug-eyed Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) who screamed "YOU LIE!" at the President during a joint session of Congress and then http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/13/wilson-says-he-wont-apologize-again/">refused to apologize for violating House rules.

Yes, despite all that, Alan Grayson's remarks were suddenly the hot news story of the day (thanks, liberal media!) and Republicans quickly piled aboard the demandwagon. "We want an apology!" they shrieked, apparently completely blind to the irony of such a request. As Nancy Pelosi http://www.politico.com/blogs/glennthrush/1009/Pelosi_No_Grayson_apology_necessary.html">said later, "If anybody's going to apologize everybody should apologize."

But of course that wasn't good enough for the GOP. Up stepped Rep. Tom Price (R-GA) with a laughable resolution of disapproval http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0909/27744.html">calling Grayson's remarks "a breach of decorum and degraded the integrity and proceedings of the House."

So Grayson did the only thing he could do. He took to the House floor and http://blogs.tampabay.com/buzz/2009/09/grayson-apologize-hell-no.html">apologized:

REP. GRAYSON: Last night, I gave a speech and I'm not going to recount everything I said but after that speech, several republicans asked me to apologize. I would like to apologize.

I would like to apologize and here's why. According to this study, health insurance and mortality in adults which was published two weeks, 44,000 Americans die every year because they have no health insurance. 44,789 Americans die every year according to the Harvard study. And you can see it by going to our website at grayson.house.gov. That is 10 times more than the number of Americans who have died in Iraq and who died in 9/11. But that was just once. This is every single year. That's right. Every single year.

Take a look at this. Read it and weep. And I mean that, read it and weep, because of all these Americans who are dying because they don't have health insurance. Now, I think we should do something about that and the Democratic health care plan does do something about that. It makes health care affordable for those who can't afford insurance and it safes these peoples' lives.

Let's remember we should care about people even after they're born. I call upon the Democratic members of the House, I call upon the republican members of the house, I call upon all of us to do our jobs for the sake of America, for the sake of those dying people and their families. I apologize to the dead and their families that we haven't voted sooner to end this holocaust in America. I yield the rest of my time.

Grayson later went on TV to call the Republican party a "http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/61281-grayson-the-gop-is-a-qlie-factoryq">lie factory" and "http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/09/30/alan-grayson-republicans_n_305661.html">knuckle-dragging neanderthals," and like most bullies who suddenly get punched in the face, the GOP folded like a handkerchief. "House Republicans will not offer a resolution Thursday asking that Rep. Alan Grayson be condemned for charging that the GOP health care plan calls for those who get sick to die quickly," http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/10/01/gop-opts-against-new-grayson-resolution-tuesday/">reported CNN last week.

Oh, but look out! They "did not rule out taking future action against the controversial Florida Democrat."

I expect Rep. Grayson is quivering in his shoes.

John Ensign

Hey, remember when Sen. John Ensign (R-NV) got caught bonking one of his campaign staffers? (See Idiots http://journals.democraticunderground.com/top10/367">367.) And then his parents paid the woman $100,000 which was, er, totally not so she would keep her mouth shut? (See Idiots http://journals.democraticunderground.com/top10/368">368.) At this point you may be wondering how on earth Sen. Ensign has managed to avoid resigning, but that's the party of personal responsibility for you.

Unfortunately Ensign's luck could be running out. It was revealed last week that not only was he bonking the campaign staffer and apparently paying her hush money, he was also keeping her cuckolded husband cheerful with jobs and favors.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/02/us/politics/02ensign.html?_r=1">According to the New York Times:

Early last year, Senator John Ensign contacted a small circle of political and corporate supporters back home in Nevada - a casino designer, an airline executive, the head of a utility and several political consultants - seeking work for a close friend and top Washington aide, Douglas Hampton.

"He's a competent guy, and he's looking to come back to Nevada. Do you know of anything?" one patron recalled Mr. Ensign asking.

The job pitch left out one salient fact: the senator was having an affair with Mr. Hampton's wife, Cynthia, a campaign aide. The tumult that the liaison was causing both families prompted Mr. Ensign, a two-term Republican, to try to contain the damage and find a landing spot for Mr. Hampton.

In the coming months, the senator arranged for Mr. Hampton to join a political consulting firm and lined up several donors as his lobbying clients, according to interviews, e-mail messages and other records. Mr. Ensign and his staff then repeatedly intervened on the companies' behalf with federal agencies, often after urging from Mr. Hampton.

The bad news for Ensign is that not only is his reputation in the gutter, he may well have violated a variety of campaign laws. Not only that but the unpleasant aroma surrounding Ensign's extra-curricular activities seems to be clinging to some of his colleagues. For example...

...a longtime fund-raiser who came through with help says Mr. Ensign misled him about why Mr. Hampton needed a new job. The senator also put his chief of staff at the time, who had raised concerns that Mr. Hampton’s activities could be problematic, in charge of dealing with him.

And Mr. Ensign allowed Senator Tom Coburn, a friend and fellow conservative Christian, to serve as an intermediary with the Hamptons in May in discussing a large financial settlement, to help them rebuild their lives.

It's okay though because according to Coburn, "John got trapped doing something really stupid and then made a lot of other mistakes afterward." So give the guy a break. He's human after all. No need to punish a United States Senator just because he committed adultery, tried to pay off his mistress, and then used the power of his office to bribe her husband into keeping his mouth shut. Nothing to see here!

The Republican Circular Firing Squad

When they're taking a break from hating America, Republicans like to hate each other instead. For example, last week, http://theplumline.whorunsgov.com/political-media/gop-war-over-palin-limbaugh-blasts-mccain-advisers-as-losers-for-slamming-sarah">according to The Plum Line, "Rush Limbaugh unleashed a blistering shot at McCain campaign manager Steve Schmidt over his criticism of Palin ... blasting the McCain team as 'losers' who should 'move aside' so others can 'clean up the mess they helped create.'"

Ouch, what brought that on? Turns out that earlier in the week Schmidt had http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/02/mccain-campaign-manager-p_n_307523.html">said that Sarah Palin "would not be a winning candidate for the Republican Party in 2012," and in fact if she were the nominee, it could be a "catastrophic election."

Which is pretty harsh coming from the guy who http://articles.latimes.com/2008/oct/06/nation/na-schmidt6">picked Palin to be McCain's running mate in the first place.

Oh well, I guess Schmidt's one consolation is that he probably can't do anything worse to piss off his fellow Republicans this week.

Wait, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/02/schmidt-the-gop-holistica_n_307817.html">what's this?

In comments almost certain to rankle Republicans on Capital Hill, Sen. John McCain's 2008 campaign manager Steve Schmidt accused the GOP on Friday of having no comprehensive alternative to Democratic health care reform.

In an appearance at The Atlantic's First Draft of History conference, the longtime GOP strategist did argue that individual Republicans, notably Rep, Paul Ryan (R-Wisc.), were "advancing ideas" on health care legislation.

"But the party holistically is bereft of ideas," Schmidt added.

The remarks come at a time when Republicans are already beating back accusations that the party has not been a viable or honest bargaining partner during reform negotiations.

I stand corrected.

Jim Bunning

Hey, Senator Bunning! Can you do something that would be http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/22/AR2009092203343.html?hpid=topnews">really symbolic of the Republican Party's attitude towards providing Americans with decent health care?

The Senate Finance Committee was barely an hour into its consideration of health-care reform on Tuesday morning, but Sen. Jim Bunning (R-Ky.) already knew where he stood.

"I do not support a government takeover of the health-care system," he railed. The proposal "confiscates more money from the taxpayers," he went on. "It tramples on American freedom and liberties."

After this vigorous display of open-mindedness, Bunning was spent. About an hour later, spectators noticed that the senator, who had been resting his chin in his hand, had fallen fast asleep. As giggles rippled through the chamber, an aide shook Bunning, who woke with a start.

Thanks!

Newt Gingrich

And finally, you may recall that former Republican Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich used to have quite a reputation with the ladies. The man has been married three times, and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newt_Gingrich#Personal_life">according to Wikipedia "was conducting an extra-marital affair during the Congressional investigation into allegations that Bill Clinton lied under oath about his affair with Monica Lewinsky." Whoops.

Anyway, it seems that Newt hasn't lost his touch. Last month, http://tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/09/newt-gingrich-accidentally-names-porn-exec-entrepreneur-of-the-year.php">according to Talking Points Memo, his 527 group American Solutions for Winning the Future "sent a letter to porn exec Allison Vivas ... telling her she'd won their 'Entrepreneur of the Year' award and inviting her to an 'intimate event' with Gingrich."

"I'm honored, and more than a little surprised, to receive this prestigious award," Vivas said today in a cheeky press release. "Rest assured, I'll take the opportunity to inform Mr. Gingrich of some of the major challenges facing the adult entertainment industry in the current market ... from obscenity prosecutions to content piracy, I'll make sure he walks away from that dinner educated about the realities of the online porn market."

The statement made the rounds, and now Media Matters reports that the group's spokesman sent a short statement clearing things up: "We have notified Allison Vivas that the notice she received was sent by mistake. We regret the error."

Well that's pretty embarassing. But not as embarassing as http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/localnews/stories/DN-lodge_01met.ART.Central.Edition1.4c0df71.html">this a few weeks later...

Dawn Rizos didn't need any formal recognition that The Lodge, one of the best-known topless clubs in Dallas, was a successful small business.

But when former House Speaker Newt Gingrich's conservative group named her an "Entrepreneur of the Year," she was thrilled by the opportunity to accept the award in Washington, D.C., and speak about ways to help small businesses.

That all changed, however, when Gingrich realized that The Lodge was a topless bar, not some other business in Virginia. He rescinded Rizos' invitation to a private dinner and returned the $5,000 she gave to his group, American Solutions for Winning the Future.

Come on Newt, we all know you're horny but don't you think this is a bit over the top?

The Top 10 will be back in two weeks, on October 19. See you then!

-- EarlG