"The man's a tool" - v. funny Guardian UK review of Pres. debates

[diabhal]

This is a weekly TV review column in the weekend Guardian (UK). It's usually very caustic and funny. Today it covers the presidential debates and I thought you'd all get a kick out of reading it (my fave parts are bolded)....


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Charlies Brooker's Screen Burn

Heady times. The US election draws ever nearer, and while the rest of the world bangs its head against the floorboards screaming "Please God, not Bush!", the candidates clash head to head in a series of live televised debates. It's a bit like American Idol, but with terrifying global ramications. You've got to laugh.

Watching Bush v. Kerry, two things immediately strike you. First, the opening explanation of the rules makes the whole thing feel like a Radio 4 parlour game. And second, George W Bush is... well, he's... Jesus, where do you start?

The internet's a-buzz with speculation that Bush has been wearing a wire, receiving help from some off-stage lackey. Screen grabs appearing to show a mysterious bulge in the centre of his back are being traded like Top Trumps. Prior to seeing the debate footage, I regarded this with a healthy scepticism: the whole "wire" scandal was just wishful thinking on behalf of some amateur Michael Moores, I figured. And then I watched the footage.

Quite frankly, the man's either wired or mad. If it's the former, he should be flung out of office: tarred, feathered and kicked in the nuts. And if it's the latter, his behaviour goes beyong strange, and heads toward terrifying. He looks like he's listening to something we can't hear. He blinks, he mumbles, he lets a sentence trail off, starts a new one, then reverts back to whatever he was saying in the first place.

EDITED BY ADMIN: COPYRIGHT

[Hotler]

1. Ya! What he said.

I like the last line the best. And I agree with it.

[acmavm]

8. Oh my gosh. The last line.

<snip>
John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Hinckley Jr - where are you now that we need you?
<snip>

Holy cow, I know that I shouldn't laugh.

That's one of the things I hate about bush* the most. His very existence puts my mortal soul in jeapordy.

[skrunch]

2. WOW...that's bloody brilliant...!

do they call it that then?...just asking..

the lampoon...i mean...do they?...

ain't you read it?...

[Demit]

3. US media covers its ears and hums. the world knows & speaks the truth.

[The Zanti Regent]

4. MEANWHILE, American Presstitutes flaunt the BROWN LIPSTICK they wear

Yes and some, like Tweety Matthews and Tiny Tim Russert consider BROWN LIPSTICK a Badge of Honor...

[Vitruvius]

5. "What's the difference between a brown nose (or brown lipstick) and

ring-around-the-collar? The level of commitment.

And our corporate presstitutes have a very high level of commitment indeed.

[Raster]

9. I love that. The level of commitment. That's good.

[Moderator]

6. Is there a link?

DU copyright rules ask that quotes be limited to 4 paragraphs and a link to the original. Thank you.

[muriel_volestrangler]

7. Link here

http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguide/columnists/story/0,,1333748,00.html

[Wols]

10. Hilarious article.

"Each time he recalls a statistic (either from memory or the voice in his head), he flashes us a dumb little smile, like a toddler proudly showing off its first bowel movement. Forgive me for employing the language of the playground, but the man's a tool."

[Waverley_Hills_Hiker]

13. The freepers are freaking out about this article..

...mainly the last parag where he seems to call for the assassination of Bush (tho its very much ranty tongue in cheek).

[southlandshari]

14. This link doesn't go to the original story anymore

Here's what pops up:

=======================================
Screen Burn, The Guide

Sunday October 24, 2004
The Guardian

The final sentence of a column in The Guide on Saturday caused offence to some readers. The Guardian associates itself with the following statement from the writer.

"Charlie Brooker apologises for any offence caused by his comments relating to President Bush in his TV column, Screen Burn. The views expressed in this column are not those of the Guardian. Although flippant and tasteless, his closing comments were intended as an ironic joke, not as a call to action - an intention he believed regular readers of his humorous column would understand. He deplores violence of any kind."
=======================================================

I really want to read the original column - does anyone have a link to it?

[Sentath]

15. Alt link

http://bbs.people.com.cn/bbs/ReadFile?whichfile=93773&typeid=15

[Jade Fox]

11. Best review of the debates I've seen yet....

Why, indeed, does the American media bend over backwards to avoid
seeing what is so obvious?

"He's either wired or mad."

[Blue_Tires]

12. spot on n/t

[Lightning Rod]

16. I love

The Guardian