Sick humor

[frustrated_lefty]

After watching this forum for a while, it's apparent we're all stressed to a gut-wrenching level.

There are a couple of pieces I recently wrote, just going over the top to find some black humor in all this mess. For those who are up to it, I'm appending some of these writings below. There have been so few heartfelt smiles here lately....defeating this rapacious bastards is going to take some heart. Anyway, :

This was sent to Abrams:

Everyone else has sent you their theory, so here’s mine:

Michael awoke one morning and decided to bring his little friend to Martha’s for a slice of pie. Upon arrival, Michael and his little friend were kindly greeted by Martha, who proceeded to introduce them to her other guests, Scott and Laci. Polite conversation ensued, and, eventually, Michael’s little friend expressed a need to make use of the bathroom. Michael, smilingly angelically, escorted his little friend to the bathroom. During the 30 minutes that Michael and his little friend were occupied in privacy, Martha dished out slices of nice, fresh apple pie. Scott commented: “the smell is wonderful, better than anything my wife has ever made!” Laci, tentatively, nibbled upon a piece of pie. “Ickk!” she said, “that is nauseating!” Martha grimaced, in an uncharacteristic manner. Scott was so pleased with his pie, upon the return of Michael and his little friend (who appeared unusually pale and discomfited), invited everyone for a ride on his new boat! “Yay!” they said, “a nice boat ride would be perfect on this fine day!”.
Hours into their pleasant ride, Michael’s little friend finally curled up into a comfy fetal position. Martha, seeing this, pulled a butcher knife out of her handy-dandy, all-purpose kitchen-ware bag and proceeded to chop Laci into inch sized meat fragments, perfect for frying. She was heard to say “stupid bitch wouldn’t know a good pie if it bit her on the ass!” Michael, sensitive soul that he is, has suppressed the memory. Scott, on the other hand, was threatened by Martha, who said she would accuse him of sodomizing Michael’s little friend if he said a word. And almost all of them lived happily ever after.

And this was to CNN:

If I were a Fundamentalist

There are many things I would believe. I would believe that stem cell research, but not unilateral, unprovoked war, was a crime against nature. I might even suspect that the introduction of additional mercury into the environment was a wise and sensible thing to do. But, I would certainly recognize that acts of nature reflect the will of God, His approbation, His condemnation.
Living in the Southeast, we frequently ruminate not only upon the course, but also upon the cause of hurricanes. These catastrophic acts of nature must certainly point to the will of deity. It is interesting. Never, to my knowledge, has Florida suffered the brunt of four hurricanes in a single season. It has experienced three, but never four. I would have to conclude, based on this observation, that God is furious with Florida…if I were a fundamentalist.
If I were a fundamentalist, I would have to conclude that the recent hurricanes are indication that God is displeased with Florida for electing/selecting the anti-christ for the office of the presidency of the United States. Truly, is it coincidence that these terrible storms hit in an election year? Is it coincidence where they hit?
If I were a fundamentalist, I would believe the warning is that if we re-elect a man who can choke on a pretzel, the wrath of heaven will descend upon us, as we have proven to be a mistaken experiment, flawed, broken, crippled.
Thank god I’m not a fundamentalist.