Headlines from the year 2029

[MellowOne]

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largestcountry in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (hey! I didn't write it!)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines

[7th_Sephiroth]

1. i got a good one

Lord 7th_Sephiroth celebrates his 21st anneversary as global ruler after knifeing Schwartzenegger clone#1 the day he took presidential office in 2008, kicking cheney in the grapes and making political deals consolidating and dissolving all the worlds borders and making himself ruler of all

[frankly_fedup2]

2. I LOVED the baby conceived, scientists stumped, still laughing lol )

Also, Chelsea probably will be President and if we do have a George Z. Bush. X and Y have done been president after W. Too Funny. They had to be clones.

Here's another headline that could be possible.

"Rapture occurred unexpectedly as predicted. All Conservatives were removed from this Earth, and the Earth is now finally at Peace . . . more to follow . . . lol

[MellowOne]

10. LOL

Love the one about the rapture.

[frankly_fedup2]

11. Thanks MellowOne. Does your name represent your personality? (nt)

[mourningdove92]

3. May I plagiarize this for another board?

I want to share
:rofl:

[DrDebug]

4. Castro cannot die. He's a hologram! n/t

[emulatorloo]

5. Reminds me of this Tom Tomorrow Cartoon

From 08.05.03

http://www.workingforchange.com/comic.cfm?itemid=15398

[readmoreoften]

6. Why are most of these freeper jokes?

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage?
President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking?
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative?
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent?
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels?
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica?

Ah yes. The gays and liberals are taking over, outlawing heterosexuality, executing conservatives, banning smoking, raising taxes, and the French are a buncha pansies.

Mostly boring freeper crap. If you're going to post jokes gaddammit, at least make 'm funny.

[frankly_fedup2]

12. So my Rapture one wasn't funny? I made that one up myself. May not

be a comedian; however, I thought I had done pretty good.

[brettdale]

7. If the media is still the same

"Economy Problems stem back to Clinton's policys of the late 20th century"

"Former US President George W Bush, A Direct Link to God"

[iconoclastic cat]

8. Lame.

[BigBearJohn]

9. Very funny. Sent to everyone in my address book.