I'm going to try being a freeper for one day. What do I need to do?

[begin_within]

[OrlandoGator]

Lobotomize yourself with a grapefruit spoon. nt

[liberalnurse]

41. Oh, I love it!!!

:rofl:

[NMDemDist2]

1. here's all you need to know

http://www.thefrown.com/frowners/becomerepublican.swf

[carolinalady]

36. Quote the Bible--but only the vengeful stuff.

[Mr_Spock]

44. Bash your own brains in. Drink kool-aid. Lie about everything imaginable.

Even lie about stuff that will not help you in any way.

Attack people based on a misunderstanding - and don't appologize when it is proven that you were wrong.

Kill any living being that seems to be unnecessary for your own personal survival.

Watch Faux "News". Shop at WalMart.

Get a truck 20x larger than you will ever need and make sure it gets 10 MPG.


Put the "no whining" sticker on the back glass.

Then procede to whine about EVERYTHING.

Put yellow ribbons on your car.

Get a Marines sticker and put it in the back window.

Join the NRA and ignore the face that many Democrats are NRA members too.

Go to NASCAR races. Get a #3 sticker and put it on your truck that is rapidly losing surface area for propaganda.

Also put the number of your favorite driver on your car.

Drive by families excercizing thier civil rights and call the kids "fuckwads".

Punch all your teeth out except a few for decoration. Buy a lot of junkyard cars and place them on your property.

Buy a Harley and hang a 10' flag from the back seat that flaps wildly in the wind.

Put flag stickers all over your truck.

Get a "united we stand" sticker on that truck too.

Hang a 20' flag in front of your house. Never maintain it and make sure it's out at night with no lights shining on it. Write on the flag "fuck you liberal pansies".

Decorate a bridge with 20 flags and a silly patriotic slogan (the stupider the better).

Learn the new spellings for "HUGH!!!11", SERIES!!!11, MORAN!!!11 and many other redneck favorites.

Learn to hate anyone who isn't like you.

Spout religious dogma that you have no idea what it means (is it wrong to have sex with your dog & cat? you wonder...)

Be angry all the time. Be hateful. And never, EVER stop lying - even if it's a hugh!!!111 burden to think of new lies, you MUST never EVER stop lying.

Good luck! :D

[ryan_cats]

46. Awesome.

This is going to my brother. I don't think he'll find it as funny as I do.

[Mr_Spock]

50. lol - nice to hear. I'm sure he won't get the humor :D

I got on a roll there I guess :D

[Mr_Spock]

52. ...though 80% of it is exactly how those cretins are...

:D

[begin_within]

63. You think I have no sense of humor? You should see my photo satires.

[Mr_Spock]

64. lol - are you ryan_cats brother?

Or are you just being silly :D

[begin_within]

69. No, I don't even know who that is. Just silly.

[gulfcoastliberal]

58. Mr. Spock strikes again! Mr Spock or Dr. Freep?

You have learned advanced freeping in that one post. Mr. Spock do you have a doctorate in freeping?!

[Mr_Spock]

65. It is logical to study the characteristic behavior of the enemy...

Some of us are surrounded by them!! :rofl:

[Snotcicles]

2. Flush your brain down the toilet to start the ball rolling. n/t

[deadparrot]

3. Stop spelling words correctly. nt

[DearAbby]

4. A Lobotomy!

[PowerToThePeople]

62. I concur. n/t

[KamaAina]

5. Reply to all posts: OMG! This is HUGH!!!1111!!!!!1111!!111

or: I'm SERIES!!111!!!1111!!!

[racaulk]

6. Abandon all rational thought. n/t

[movonne]

7. Stick your fingers in your ears....

[marmar]

8. Drink a special Koolaid.

:evilgrin:

[afdip]

9. one thumb in your mouth, the other up your ass; then switch

every fifteen minutes.

[peekaloo]

10. Stock or stalk up on hand lotion, tissues and start typing with on hand.

}(

[Inland]

11. Get yourself tombstoned. nt

[ItsTheMediaStupid]

12. Study yoga until you're extremely limber

Then spend a day with your head wedged between your buttocks and complain vociferously about the smell and the view.

[The Stranger]

13. Kill things.

Minorities, foreigners, women, animals, the environment, individual rights, government, freedom of thought, spirituality, unity, good sense . . . all of it.

Just start killing things.

[Hubert Flottz]

14. Get somebody to knock your brains out for starters.

Lie every time you open your mouth.

[shugh514]

15. Rent a Port-a-Potty

maybe 2?

[AZBlue]

16. Close your mind completely and eat some poor people for breakfast.

[DancingBear]

17. Marry your cousin n/t

[Estel]

18. Lie...

with every breath

[aden_nak]

19. "It must be Bill Clinton's Penis's fault!" shall serve you well.

[Mabus]

20. Move into your parents' basement or back to your old room

Surround yourself with pictures of Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton and Ann Coulter. Open a beer or put your 20-20 Mad Dog into a paper bag and drink deeply and often. Run yourself a tub and listen to Rush, Sean or some other right wing "entertainer" while you sip your beverage and let their thoughts become yours. Let them do the thinking for you. If you have trouble relaxing take an Oxy or two or twenty.

Now, try to visualize a time when you felt helpless or insignificant. Channel those feelings of self-loathing into a giant ball of anger, now drink some more.

While you continue to drink think of all the times that you haven't reached your full potential and remember - it was never your fault, it was the fault of the Democratic party and its members. Now let that anger out onto the world through your keyboard.

If, for any reason, you begin to use reason hit yourself repeatedly in the head with a 2" x 4" until you can no longer think in complete sentences.

Oh yeah, don't worry about little things like spelling, grammar or coherent ideas. Try to use the phrases "damn liburls" and "zot" when you disagree with someone.

[Ksec]

21. Have a lobotomy performed

and then have a domineering Mother who never approves.

[The Whiskey Priest]

22. Learn to move your lips as you read

Start dating your cousin.

Start to believe that even though you have been a junior janitor ten years, someday you will be the CEO.

The last book you read, thought you had, or opinion independently formed was....oh, never.

Know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor

Have undying faith that every word of the bible is true, even though the most of the bible you have read is...."In the Beginning"

Worry about the "death tax," because should your father pass away you don't want to pay any taxes on the $300 your father has in the bank .

Hold that the most important political question facing the country involves whether or not Harry and Charlie can get married, even though you have just been laid off from a corporation that is moving overseas so they can cut labor cost.

Oh, yes, there many other things you must do to be a Freeper, but mostly you should make sure that your HMO covers mental health.

[enid602]

23. frrep

If you were a woman, you could let your hair grow very long, wrap it around the back of your head in a bun, scrub off all make-up and speak in toungues. That should do it.

[Career Prole]

24. Do what you can to give your soul "curb appeal"

then plant the "For Sale" sign.

[renate]

25. clench

:hurts:

[jdadd]

26. Become a Dittohead

Rush is always Right

[butterfly77]

27. Pull your self up by your bootstraps...

Judge everybody,help to change laws to suit one group of people,take from the poor and middle classes and give to the rich,pit different ages races and people against each other and above all hate,hate and be one of the phoniest evil people in the world.

[LostInAnomie]

28. If you are married...

... start slapping your spouse around.

If you are single start slapping minorities around.

[jarnocan]

29. I have a nasty freeper type harrassing my blog

So I will likely close comments again. I just don't want to promote his hatefulness in anyway, when they leave a comment their blog can be linked. He advocates for the killing of dissidents and C.S. on his. I wrote to the blogger admin.s to comaplain, he insults and calls names and usually does not discuss info on link- just Clinton's BJ's and corruption and how people like US are all traitors and Osama adores us ETC. -the ususal :crazy:
But if you want I'll send you all his hundred or so comments.

[qanda]

30. A toothbrush

For your one tooth.

[Jamastiene]

31. Spell everything wrong and don't forget to blame everything,

and I mean <EVERYTHING including when you stump your toe>, on gays, feminists, and the ACLU.

Also, you must lean over to at least one group of white people that you don't even know and say something derogatory about Blacks, Mexicans, and/or Asian people.

Don't forget to buy a big ol' wad of tobacco and loiter on the steps leading into the main entrance of a building and spit right where people have to walk too.

I live in a red state, so I know how they act (and look) down to a tee.

Also, if you have a beer you can spare, grease, a camouflage jacket, long johns and a white shirt, you can look like one too. Here are the directions:

1. Put the shirt on and mark the spot where your chest leads down to your stomach.
2. Hang the shirt up and splatter the beer all down the front of the shirt to make it look like you did it cheering for some freeper sport.
3. Put the camouflage jacket on, put the grease on your hands and work it deep into your hair, face and neck until it drips onto the collar of your jacket or your nose has a shiny (you would even say it glows) appearance, whichever comes first.
4. Wear the long johns under the white shirt and put the camouflage jacket on.
5. Get a can (like a soup can) and wet some of the tobacco. Squeeze the tobacco into the can.
6. Chew the tobacco and try to spit into the can once at least. That way you can wipe your chin on the arm of the camouflage jacket if you miss to add to the "real thing" effect.
7. Say to some girl "Hey there gal, you know you wanna go out with a stud like me." at least once.
8. Try to find a conversation where Bill or Hillary Clinton are mentioned. Be sure to have lots of wet slimy black tobacco in your mouth. Every time someone utters their name, say something against them very loudly being sure to spit tobacco all over the people while you bash the Clintons. Don't forget to call Bill Clinton a draft dodger at least once while doing this.
9. Say "Praise God pass the ammo" a lot.
10. Don't say anything you haven't heard some right wing wacko like Rush Limbaugh say first. Remember, for effect you will want to only repeat what they have said nothing original. You don't want to think for yourself at all during this time.

Try to keep a straight face while doing this. That will be the hardest part.

[Arkana]

32. Smash your head against a brick wall a few times until all you remember

is that Bush is Jesus. That should do it.

[buddysmellgood]

33. Kill, laugh, deny...repeat.

[Armstead]

34. Just tremember that all liberals are evil vermin

Any what is a liberal? Anyone who doesn't believe exactly like the ultra conservative worldview.

[LVdem]

35. Block all stimuli to the brain....

think profit, profit, profit...

screw the poor...


stuff like that

[begin_within]

37. Nobody said, "TYPE WITH THE CAPS LOCK KEY ON"???

[Kingofalldems]

38. Wait until tomorrow

And if there are indictments---start a thread and put up the photoshopped Karl Rove frog march. That would be awesome.

[KayLaw]

39. Be a GOOD Freeper

Admit to yourself you're well-suited for a career that involves shaving your head and selling flowers at the airport.

[Beaverhausen]

40. Drive by anti-war vigils yelling "ASSHOLES" and "GO BUSH"

[TOhioLiberal]

42. Don't forget...

...A good hot shower afterwards...and disinfect your keyboard with clorox or something...:)

[insanity]

43. Steady diet of hate and ignorance

If you can spew out hate against the "jewish liberal media machine" or something like that you're good. Do not show signs of intellgience, because that triggers their inferiority complex.

[Mr_Spock]

45. Bash your own brains in. Drink kool-aid. Lie about everything imaginable.

Even lie about stuff that will not help you in any way.

Attack people based on a misunderstanding - and don't appologize when it is proven that you were wrong.

Kill any living being that seems to be unnecessary for your own personal survival.

Watch Faux "News". Shop at WalMart.

Get a truck 20x larger than you will ever need and make sure it gets 10 MPG.


Put the "no whining" sticker on the back glass.

Then procede to whine about EVERYTHING.

Put yellow ribbons on your car.

Get a Marines sticker and put it in the back window.

Join the NRA and ignore the face that many Democrats are NRA members too.

Go to NASCAR races. Get a #3 sticker and put it on your truck that is rapidly losing surface area for propaganda.

Also put the number of your favorite driver on your car.

Drive by families excercizing thier civil rights and call the kids "fuckwads".

Punch all your teeth out except a few for decoration. Buy a lot of junkyard cars and place them on your property.

Buy a Harley and hang a 10' flag from the back seat that flaps wildly in the wind.

Put flag stickers all over your truck.

Get a "united we stand" sticker on that truck too.

Hang a 20' flag in front of your house. Never maintain it and make sure it's out at night with no lights shining on it. Write on the flag "fuck you liberal pansies".

Decorate a bridge with 20 flags and a silly patriotic slogan (the stupider the better).

Learn the new spellings for "HUGH!!!11", SERIES!!!11, MORAN!!!11 and many other redneck favorites.

Learn to hate anyone who isn't like you.

Spout religious dogma that you have no idea what it means (is it wrong to have sex with your dog & cat? you wonder...)

Be angry all the time. Be hateful. And never, EVER stop lying - even if it's a hugh!!!111 burden to think of new lies, you MUST never EVER stop lying.

Good luck! :

[texpatriot2004]

47. First, empty your brain of all facts, you won't be needing them...

then, deny any version of reality that your political party holds and put partisanship above all else!

[bluedawg12]

48. Hold your nose to keep out the smell and read Limpbags talking

points. Be sure not to think for yourself, ever.

[distantearlywarning]

49. Learn to argue like a freeper:

Stop reading. Don't read anything. Only listen to Rush Limbaugh and Fox News for your daily information.

Then, for fun, pick something you know absolutely nothing about but that you heard a little about on Rush or Fox. Make sure you know the daily talking points about the topic. Then run off at the mouth about it to everyone within earshot. Be loud. Make lots of arrogant proclamations. If someone questions what you are saying, call them a name and attack some personal characteristic of theirs Example: "nice haircut, you homo America-hating sissy Saddam-lover!". Never, never, NEVER actually present any facts when you argue with someone who has questioned you, no matter how tempting it may seem. (That would make you a intelekshual elitist.)

If the homo sissy Saddam-lover persists, talk over them. Get louder until you can't hear them anymore. Throw out a red herring (mentioning Bill Clinton is always a good strategy) so they and your listeners get confused and can't argue with you anymore. If truly desperate, invoke the name of God.

When you've reduced your victims to red-faced spluttering, you know you've won. Feel superior and chalk your "victory" up to the unassailable truth of your opinions. Lather. Rinse. Repeat tomorrow with a new set of talking points.

[LibDemAlways]

51. Move your refrigerator out onto

the front lawn and hang a velvet Jesus picture on your living room wall, right next to one of the chimp with a halo.

Go to Wal-Mart and stock up on kool-aid.

Invest in bumper stickers that say "I'm Proud George W. Bush is My President," "Nuke em and steal their oil," and "Freedom isn't free" and plaster them all over the back of a big gas hog.

Put a photo of the chimp and pickles in your cubicle at work.

Delete the phone message from the army recruiter inquiring if your teenager is interested in serving his country.

Tune your radio to Rush and Hannity. Call each show at least once to complain about about Clinton.

Call into C-span Washington Journal and say "George Bush is a God-fearing man. All Americans should be grateful for his leadership."

Post a photo of yourself on the internets holding a sign saying "Get a clue, moran."

[Iris]

53. Put 4 or more American flags in your front yard.

[Spider Jerusalem]

54. First, take an icepick and jam it into your frontal lobes.

This first step is essential.

Then, go out and buy a full-size V8 pickup truck, and make sure you get a gun rack installed. After that, it's off to your local firearms emporium, because what good is a gun rack without guns? If you're lucky, they'll have camouflage clothing, for that "rugged, masculine look".

Then you'll need to listen to Limbaugh and Hannity during the day, and watch Fox News in the evenings (before you flip over to the Jesus channel for some good old-fashioned faith healing). You should accept what they say uncritically, and feel a slight surge of anger and resentment every time they talk about how those Evil Liberals are destroying this great country of ours. After you turn off the television for the night, you should clean and oil your newly purchased firearms, while fantasising about what you'd do if one of those liberals was in your sights. (Ideally, you should have an erection whilst doing this.) Under no circumstances ought you to read a newspaper, or, god forbid, a novel. Reading is for pointy-headed liberal geeks.

At bedtime, make sure you get on your knees to say your prayers, and offer up a hosanna of thanksgiving that that godly man and Churchillian statesman George W Bush is President.

[purr]

55. Remind everyone that they're damned to hell

and they're the only ones going to heaven.

[mokawanis]

56. Declare war on Syria and Iran

then tell everyone how we got the terra-ists on the run and announce a bunch of your pals to important jobs they aren't qualified for.

[goodboy]

57. Murder your conscience, the rest will fall into place (nt)

[LiberalPersona]

59. Easy

Just close your eyes and ears, say "nanananana I can't hear you!" and pretend you're in a world in which violence always solves every problem 100% of the time and peace is an evil godless concept.

[jmowreader]

60. Put your left hand on your neck

Along the top edge of your hand, you should feel two little bumps on the back of your head.

They're not bumps. They're latches. Press them firmly and the back of your head will pop open.

Lift the brain out of your head, unplug it (it's a spinal cord, right? There's a spinal plug at the end of it.), set it somewhere you'll be able to find it easily, and close the back of your head.

You're now ready to be a freeper.

When you're tired of being a freeper, just put your brain back in and come tell us how it was.

[mmonk]

61. Remove your brain and replace it with mush.

[Piperay]

66. Stick your head

up your ass, that'll do it! x(

[Giant Robot]

67. Start by

Being thankful W was your President when the planes hit the towers.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

68. Find yourself a picture of

Anything.

Let's just use a cow as an example.

Look at the pic until you have convinced yourself that what you are looking at isn't a cow.

There. Freep On! :evilgrin: