Today I learned how to spot terrorists at my local grocery store

[CornField]

I kid you not!

I was obliged to attend a meeting because I'm a contractor for a governmental organization. The meeting was supposed to deal with safety issues, it turned out to be a meeting on how to spot a terrorist.

Curious?

I'll tell you the big secret to spotting a terrorist. Look for someone of an ethnic background... probably a male... probably wearing bulky clothing and stalking around suspiciously. In particular, we were told to look at shoes and be aware of newer shoes -- like new sneakers. Evidentally terrorists like to buy new Nikes or Reeboks before blowing themselves (and others) to bits.

I should pay close attention to other's reading material as terrorists are often avid readers, especially of religious or political texts.

I went by the store after the meeting to pick up a few things for supper. Roughly 75% of the people there, including the fellow who helped me carry bags to the car, were suspected terrorists. The bag boy also had a book in his hip pocket. Most everyone was wearing a bulky sweater or jacket. I even saw a few folks walking around in new shoes.

Oh, to add insult to injury, my tax dollars payed for this governmental 'safety' course.

[shoelace414]

1. If we tortured them all, we'd find out what bad things they are up to.

[Roland99]

4. Yeah, like what college girls they were going to hook up with or

what kegger they were heading to.

[Flying Dream Blues]

15. An excellent point. And why do it in secret?? SAFETY first!! :)

[madokie]

2. sucks don't it,

[OldLeftieLawyer]

3. They deserve to be blown up...........

Dressing like that?

They're just BEGGING for it.

So, WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?

[daleanime]

5. Reading!

They must die!

[Richard Steele]

28. Look out, the bag boy has a BOOK! EVERYBODY DOWN!!!!!! nm

[TahitiNut]

33. Yeah... "Support Illiteracy and Stamp Out Terrorism!!"

I see now where their NCLB fits into their overall strategy. :eyes:

[Lisa]

6. don't forget almanacs!

Remember that FBI bulletin a while back?

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,106890,00.html


They asked people to be on the lookout for suspicious characters carrying maps and guidebooks. I showed this to my class, and they were amazed (I teach geography, and so we routinely go around with maps and reference books).

[Spinzonner]

7. Hey, don't be so quick to knock it

You did learn a lot about spotting paranoid wackos

[Bluebear]

8. They carry almanacs. nt

[nadinbrzezinski]

9. My god profiling is not up to you

by the way did they cover any actual ahem useful info, such as how to spot a bomb in your mail?

Nor am I justyfing profiling, it has proven to be quite poor

[CornField]

23. I... uhmm... walked out

The whole mess was making my soul feel a bit dirty. I left after learning terrorists were avid readers (about 20 minutes into a 30-minute meeting).

[pmegan]

10. Better than duct tape

I went to a training while I was a government contractor on how to protect myself. This was back in the duct tape and plastic sheeting days, and they explained how to do that to all of the doors and windows in our offices. I raised my hand and asked about fumes coming through the ceiling tiles, and was assured that this was impossible. They were those big, foam rectangular kind that are in all offices. You know, the kind that are filled with holes. My manager never quite liked me after that.

[VaYallaDawg]

11. Welcome to DU Pmegan.

You took the duct tape and plastic sheeting right out of my mouth.

[pmegan]

19. Thanks!

Thanks :-) It's nice to be here.

[pmegan]

20. Thanks!

Thanks! It's nice to be here :-)

[Flying Dream Blues]

13. oh god, i know!! too funny! Duck and Cover, anyone?? Anyone??

[pmegan]

21. "There was a turtle by the name of Bert"

I wnet back to my cubicle singing "Bert the Turtle." No one got it. Pretty sad, really.

[Flying Dream Blues]

25. Was "Bert the Turtle" the official Duck and Cover Mascot?

Never heard of him, but maybe he was after my time...but I ducked and covered with the best of 'em.

Welcome, Pmegan by the way!

[pmegan]

26. I'm 26 :-)

http://www.solidarity.com/hkcartoons/duckandcover.html

[Flying Dream Blues]

29. But obviously culturally literate!! :) (2 yrs older than my daughter btw)

[pmegan]

27. Sound is real

Oh yeah, the sound for that is from the real 1950's movie (except, obviously, the gagging noises). The movie itself is loooong (maybe 20 minutes) and is worth watching for pop culture references (there was a clip from in on the Daily Show last night).

[newyawker99]

24. Hi pmegan!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[tabasco]

12. Be afraid !! Most of us are terrorists !!

Limbaugh and Cheney said so !!

:scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared:

[SmokingJacket]

14. I guess I should be calling the FBI fifty times a day.

They'd like that, wouldn't they?

I live in a university town: there have to be 10,000 guys who fit that exact description. Especially now, in bulky clothing season.

Seriously: what is their point? To raise hostility toward darker people? To increase the general level of paranoia? To make it *look* like they're combating terrorism, when they're actually doing diddly squat?

Because not even they can believe such a class has genuine merit.

It's a crying shame Americans are being taught to racially profile with government funds.

[Dr. Death]

31. Bingo: keep people paranoid

and afraid all the time, otherwise people might forget that we need to keep "fighting them over there."

[catmandu57]

16. What did they say about

people wearing tshirts sporting liberal politics? I'm quite sure I got the evil eye while wearing my DU tee.

[TrogL]

17. I must be a terrorist

I have Asperger's syndrome so I sometimes do things a bit differently.

• I'm a male.
  
• I tend to be tanned so I sometimes get mistaken for "ethnic".
  
• I like bulky, heavy clothing (Aspie thing)
  
• I'm interested in infrastructure so I tend to look around in new places checking out the lighting, wiring, alarm systems
  
• I'm tall, but light on my feet. I often scare people by coming up behind them soundlessly.
  
• I break the social contract in terms of eye contact, either not enough (Aspie) or too much (lip reading)
  
• I'm really hard on shoes. I end up buying a new pair of sneakers every couple of months.
  
• I'm an avid reader. It's basically an addiction.
  
• I have issues with the Rabid Religious Right (see website below) so i tend to look at political and religious stuff.
  

[Javaman]

18. You know when I see bulky clothes, I know it's a sure sign of...

cold weather.

I feel sorry that you have to work for such morons.

[savemefromdumbya]

22. Did FEMA organize this by any chance?

:sarcasm:

[Generic Other]

30. A Supermarket in California (with apologies to Allen Ginsberg)

What thoughts I have of you tonight, Osama bin Laden, for
I walked down the sidestreets under the trees with a headache
self-conscious looking for terrorists under a full moon.
In my hungry fatigue, and shopping for images, I went
into the neon fruit supermarket, dreaming of spotting you!
What danger lurks! Whole families
shopping at night! Aisles full of husbands! Wives in the
avocados, babies in the tomatoes!--and you, Osama, what
were you doing down by the watermelons?

I saw you, dirty bomb strapped to your chest,
poking among the meats in the refrigerator and eyeing the grocery
boys.
I heard you asking questions of each: Who buys the unclean pork chops? What price oil? Where can I find the matches?
I wandered in and out of the brilliant stacks of cans
following you, and followed in my imagination by the store
detective.
We strode down the open corridors together in our
new Reeboks tasting Death warmed over, possessing every frozen
delicacy, and never passing the cashier.

Where are we going, Osama? The doors close in
an hour. Which way does your beard point tonight?
(I touch your Koran and dream of our odyssey in the
supermarket and feel absurd.)
Will we make the night explode? Put
the lights out in the houses?

Will we stroll dreaming of the lost infidels
past blue automobiles in driveways, home to our silent hideout?
Ah, graybeard terrorist, dirty eyed monster,
what America will you leave when Allah sends you to paradise
and 100 virgins meet you on that smoking bank near the black waters
of the flaming rivers of death?

[Nickster]

32. OMG, I AM an avid reader of political texts! AHHHHHHHHH!

[leftofthedial]

34. lock 'em all up

throw away the key

torture them until they confess

ethnic bulky-sweater-wearing new-Niked terrists!