I will be taking questions on the following subjects:

[Dookus]

relationships
sex
child-rearing
animal husbandry
popular culture


My answers come with the Dookus Guarantee! *


* All answers guaranteed to have some chance of being correct, either here or in another dimensional plane.

[Bronco69]

1. My question is about sex...

When will be the next time I have any? :-)

[Dookus]

3. tonight

unless you mean sex with somebody else. In that case, it'll be awhile.

[Guy Fawkes]

2. If I married you....

to a llama, who's last name would you take?

[Dookus]

4. Being

without a last name altogether, I'd go with the llama. Unless his last name was Schwarzbein. That just doesn't go with Dookus.

[WindRavenX]

5. why...

...are men so clueless (except you Dookus, cuz you rawk my world)? Is it the Y chromosome?

[Dookus]

6. it's actually a by-product of the theory of relativity

you see, to men, it is WOMEN who are clueless.

Men are lazy, thus usually "at rest". Women, on the other hand, tend to keep busy because of an inordinate hatred of dust. Thus, while you're moving around, you are that much closer to the speed of light. Men, on the couch, watch you skittering hither and yon and think "what the hell is she doing?". Women, in motion, watch us at rest and ask "what the hell is he doing?".

Due to minor variations in the speeds at which we perceive our worlds, men's thoughts are waves, while women's thoughts are particles.

[WindRavenX]

8. facinating

Will you be writing about this for your ph.D? It's fantastic.
The only speed that men "come" at the speed of light...well..you know :P

[Dookus]

10. Again

it's a function of relativity. To *US*, we come at just the right time. Being as you're usually pinned under a man at the time, and thus unable to get up and dust, your sense of time/space is distorted.

Trust me, we go for a good 40 minutes. It just seems like 30 seconds to you.

[Michigander4Dean]

7. What do you mean by "child-REARING?"

Spanking the child's rear?

[Dookus]

9. no

I am opposed to spanking. Children need to learn that in a bar fight, it's not their cushy areas that are gonna get hit.

The sooner a kid learns to take a round-house to the jaw, the better.

[dorktv]

11. Some guy wrote a book about relationships because he

is married, Does this make him qualified?

[Dookus]

13. Only

if it's a tragedy.

[dorktv]

16. wow! Thanks, you have changed my life. I am going to

move to a Tibetian Monastery.

Oh wait, I cannot, I am a woman. Oh well. :evilgrin:

[Dookus]

21. No, you cannot move to a Tibetan monastery

however, you will move, in 2008, to a feminist/lesbian commune in Northern Oregon. You will not be satisfied.

[dorktv]

28. Of course not. I happen to be a straight feminist!

I would be very bored with no males to torment.

[Dookus]

31. Hence the dissatisfaction.

Do not question the Dookus Oracle.

[dorktv]

33. Okay but will there be

sex toys?

[Dookus]

34. Yes

but they will be natural and organic. You will soon crave plastics.

[miss_kitty]

12. animal husbandry question here:

who is that handsome kitty that graces your avatar

[Dookus]

14. She is

Her Royal Highness, the Princess Molly Fluffypants.

Here she is in her full glory:

[miss_kitty]

17. an ORANGE girl Kitty?

how'd that happen?

[Dookus]

19. turns out...

that there ARE orange girl kitties, but they're kinda sorta rare, but not terribly.

The only way to have an orange girl is to have an orange dad and an orange mom. So it DOES happen. Orange boys can pop out of damned near any cat.

[miss_kitty]

23. so where'd the first orange mom come from?

[Dookus]

24. Luxembourg

[Beaverhausen]

15. OK- one about relationships

Will by ex boyfriend and I get back together?

at least to have sex a few more times?

[Dookus]

18. Yes

there will be more shtupping, but you will both eventually discover that the sex doesn't make up for the unspoken hatred and resentment between you. You will part civilly, while each muttering under your breath about what a jerk the other is.

However, this may take up to a year.

[Beaverhausen]

20. A year! God Damn it! I can't take this anymore!!!

I hate this limbo we're in.

by the way Molly is gorgeous!!!

[Dookus]

22. Princess Molly

acknowledges your compliment.

You can shorten the time with the ex by either telling him you want a child or explaining rationally that while you don't want to date him, he should refrain from seeing other women.

[Guy Fawkes]

25. Why won't people ask me questions on....?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x1617491

[Dookus]

26. cuz you got no street cred

[Guy Fawkes]

27. I got more cred then a hippo on crack!

[Dookus]

29. Since this tangentially relates to animal husbandry...

I will answer.

Hippos on crack are widely known for their wisdom and insight. You, on the other hand, are widely known as Al Hedge's spurned lover. The hippo wins.

[Guy Fawkes]

30. But I'm not his lover!

I'm already going out with a box-turtle!

[Dookus]

32. Correct

you were the SPURNED lover.

By the way, your box-turtle is just using you to get good opera tickets.