DUers, I need your help.

[Bronco69]

Tomorrow night we are having a fundraiser for AIDS Lifewalk. As part of the entertainment I'm writing a 5-7 minute stand up comedy routine. I have about 3-4 minutes of material, but I need more. I'm trying to do all political jokes where I slam bush*. Here's my opening joke:

When I was getting ready to come here tonight I had the news on in the background and they showed bush* arriving in Florida for the debates, and he was surrounded by a whole bunch of cops. As it turns out, it was just his security detail, but I thought he was finally being arrested for impersonating a president. :-)

Since the debates are supposed to include foreign policy I thought about throwing in that old joke about bush's* foreign policy experience being limited to having once eaten at the International House of Pancakes, but that's an old joke and I want to use fresh stuff.

So, if you have any jokes about bush* (simple one liners), or any jokes along the lines of "If I were the president...", it would be a HUGE help, and just think, you will be helping raise money for PWA's (Persons with AIDS), and you will be helping me get over this stupid writers block! :-)

Thanks in advance!

[candy]

1. Why are you politicising this event?

It would annoy the hell out of me. AIDS is an equal opportunity disease.

[Bronco69]

4. Because I hate bush* and this is my chance to make fun of him.

What subject would you prefer I talk about?

[H2O Man]

2. here's something to work with:

President Bush said he's not taking the black vote in Florida for granted. He's had Katherine Harris call Clarence Thomas twice to make sure he has his vote.

[Bronco69]

3. LOL

Thanks. :-)

[Squeech]

5. He didn't actually choke on the pretzel

See, he was planning the Iraq invasion and he was using the pretzel as a ruler...

That's as funny as I get at the office.

[Bronco69]

8. That helps, I haven't written anything about the pretzel yet.

:-)

[MuseRider]

6. No help here

but I wanted to thank you. Anyone raising money for AIDS is a friend of mine. :loveya:

[Bronco69]

7. You're welcome!

I've lost many many friends to this horrible disease so I do what I can for the community. :-)

[bif]

9. So George was down in Florida recently and everybody

was under the impression that he was inspecting the damage so he could figure out how much aid Florida needed. He wasn't inspecting the damage, he was trying to get a good deal on firewood for his ranch in Crawford.

[bif]

10. Now the Bush twins are out stumping for the old man...

apparently their part of the trip is being sponsored by someone named John Molson..

[Bronco69]

11. ROFL!

Thanks! :-)

[bif]

12. Mine were pretty lame

but that's because they were original. Someone posted a bunch of one liners from late night tv here a couple days ago (Monday?). There was some good material here. You might want to do search.

[Bronco69]

13. Actually yours were pretty good.

I like that bush* twins joke, and originality is what I'm looking for. Thanks. :-)

[bif]

15. Thanks. How about this...

Bush was asked recently by the Siera Club what he's planning on doing about the mercury levels in the water. His response was, "Look, if people want to drive their cars into the water, that's their business."

[crispini]

18. SNORK!

I love that.

[Bronco69]

20. I can use that one too.

Thanks. :-)

[4MoreYearsOfHell]

14. The sign on Harry Truman's Desk read

"The buck stops here"...

The sign on GWB's desk reads

"Desk"...

[Bronco69]

17. LOL!

That one definately goes in! :-)

[KurtNYC]

16. What was George W's favorite pick-up line?

A: Can my father buy you a drink?

Why did Bush take a plastic turkey to Iraq?

A: His wife goes everywhere he does.


What's the difference between Bush and a Nazi?

(a beat) No seriously, what's the difference??

Okay really, what's the difference between Bush and a Nazi?

A: A nazi goes like this (straight arm at 45, hand motionless) and Bush goes like this (arm stiff but hand waves slightly)

If Al Gore invented the internet, how come all the addresses start with dubya dubya dubya?

[bif]

19. A few months ago George met with the Dalai Lama

It was reported that he was a little dissapointed. He thought he was going to be taken to a petting zoo.

[Bronco69]

21. Thanks everybody!

You've been a huge help! I have to go for a little while, but I'll check back in when I get home. On Friday I'll post the entire routine so you can see where your stuff fit in. Thanks a million! :-)

[bif]

22. A reporter recently asked George to comment on the vice president's

connections with Haliburton and possaible kickbacks. The president made the statement that he "didn't know Dick." (May not be appropriate for the audience)

[bif]

23. You know, George outta stay off bikes. Ya see how banged up he

gets every time he rides one? Or if he's gonna ride a bike, give him a breathalizer test before he gets on one, for Pete's sake!