What is the hardest thing you've had to do?

[Red State Rebel]

Last week I called the police and had my daughter arrested. She had forged over 25 checks on my account (over $1100.00) and I knew I had to do something. Tough love sucks. She is still in jail, I won't bail her out. She has a court date tomorrow so I don't know what will happen from here. I've cried off and on for days and I know it's not all over. The checks were written in 3 different counties so she will face charges in each county.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

1. Last week I had to say " later " to my bf as he headed to Iraq ...

this is the worst thing I have dealt with in my life . Loving someone so much and then having them in harm's way and there is nothing I can do about it . Ahhh sigh I love him so much ...

[Red State Rebel]

3. Oh my....that had to be tough!

Prayers that all will be ok and he will be home soon!!

[SKKY]

42. And let me say, from my experience, it was equally as hard on him...

...Saying "later" to loved ones is by far the hardest part of being in the Military. I never get used to it- which I tend to think is a good thing. Hope everything works out for the best for you.

[NewJeffCT]

62. tell my parents that I was going to be the first one in family history...

to get divorced. they were happy for me, as they didn't like my now ex that much and knew i was not happy.

[Kikosexy2]

2. You did...

the right thing. She needs to learn not to "f*#k over" family that way. Luck she didn't bankrupt you. But be tough and caring. Good luck.

[amazona]

4. omg

<hugs> to both of you. I really can't imagine.

The conservation movement is a breeding ground of communists
and other subversives. We intend to clean them out,
even if it means rounding up every birdwatcher in the country.
--John Mitchell, US Attorney General 1969-72

[bbgrunt]

5. I had to decide to have my cat's leg amputated

in the hope it might extend his life and prevent the bone cancer from spreading. I did. He made it through two years, but finally succumbed.

[tainted_chimp]

31. omg...

:cry:

That's so sad. I'm so sorry.

[Zuni]

58. that is so sad

poor little guy...:cry:

[Corgigal]

6. wow that is tough

I had to put my former foreign exchange student on a flight back home to yugoslavia when I knew we would be bombing there soon.
I tried so hard to keep her here but when you're middle class, not rich, no one gives a damn.

[LoZoccolo]

7. How long had she been forging checks before you did something?

Would she use lame excuses and promises to stop?

[Red State Rebel]

8. She did it earlier this fall....

I let her have it and warned her what would happen if she did it again. Apparently, she didn't believe me.

[SOteric]

9. Wow. I'm so sorry, that must just be awful for you.

I know it's got to be hard to see, but it feels to me like you're doing the right thing both for your daughter and for yourself.

:hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

10. The hardest thing I've had to do will happen in about 6 months

I'm going to have to kick my son out of the house unless some miracle occurs between now and then.

He's 17, and two years behind in school for various reasons including an expulsion. He's better at controlling his temper than he was a couple of years ago, when he physically lashed out at us, but he's so angry that I'm concerned that he could revert to his former violent self.

He's stayed out all night for the last three nights in spite of the fact that he had work and school the next mornings...he's on a work-study program. If he makes any effort at doing well in school, I sure don't see it; but he's apparently impressed his supervisors at work. It's not as if he lacks ability.

He seems to feel that he should drop out, get a GED and go to college (which neither he nor we can afford without loans). How in the hell is he going to be accepted by a college and fulfill the requirements of a degree program if he can't get through high school? I feel like he's going to have to go out on his own and find out just how difficult it is to pay your own rent and bills before he's going to understand that living requires elbow grease?

~turning off bitchy mom motor~

[Red State Rebel]

12. Oh do I feel your pain!

Is there any way you can get him to go in for a Psych evaluation?

I'm going to try to get my daughter to go.

Good luck!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. It's a good idea...

Right now I'm hoping we can get him to sit down and talk with us for an hour or so. I expect to talk with his supervisors at school tomorrow. They might have some ideas too...

Maybe he needs medication or something.

Sounds as if you've been through it, too. How old is your daughter?

[BikeWriter]

50. Kick that boy's lazy ass out, my friend!

My ex wouldn't let me set rules for my youngest when he was in school. She'd send him to live with me for discipline, and he'd cry to her and she'd let him come home to her. This is embarassing as hell, but one thing led to another and he's facing five to twenty for armed robbery!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

54. That must be heartbreaking...

Mine was caught shoplifting last year (while I was at the mall with him!) and I just let him take his lumps. The social worker I talked with told me they wouldn't take him to court, because it was a first offense. So I told them that I wanted him to have community service, which they arranged.

I had an interesting conversation with my son's supervisor at school today. She said he's one of the best students she's ever had, and a terrific writer. When I homeschooled him, I noticed that he does have a talent for detail; and really does know how to create a good story.

She had a long talk with him today, telling him she thought he was much too smart to drop out and get a GED. She's going to work with him on setting up a schedule for himself. I hope she can get through to him...he apparently confides in her.

His supervisor is in her twenties; and I suspect he feels more comfortable relating to someone who's closer to his age than he does to us right now. That's ok with me, really...I just want him to be happy and do what he's capable of doing.

It's completely up to him, though.

[Zuni]

64. That is so sad, GoG

I wrote in another post about a friend I knew like that. He was a very talented musician, very bright and athletic but immature and irresponsible. I played in a band with him and he was one of the most creative and fun people I knew.
Despite being very clever, and very bright (it was obvious he was far smarter than many of the thugs he started to hang out with) he dropped out of school, drank himself retarded on a daily basis, and went from dead end job to dead end job.
He joined the army, and has been to Iraq twice now.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

68. I shudder to think that he may have to enlist

if he wants to go to college.

[Zuni]

60. I had several friends who did this during High School

the story is so familiar. One of them has been to Iraq twice, because he dropped out of school and had no career opportunities so he joined the Army.
He is a good guy, but his own irresponsibility and immaturity screwed up his life. The sad thing is that he is smart as hell, and a great friend.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

11. What your daughter did was wrong .

It may have been hard for you to have your own daughter arrested but the law is the law .

[JohnnyCougar]

13. That sucks man...but you are doing the right thing.

Real love requires real pain sometimes. Best of luck!

[kodi]

14. have my crippled dog AJA put down as I held her in my arms

it has been the worst day of my life.

i loved that dog.

strange how life works so that the worst thing you can do is the best.

strange how life works so that the best thing you can do is the worst.

strange how the world works.

[Tsiyu]

25. Sorry to hear it kodi

:cry:

[miss_kitty]

28. I am so sorry for your loss

pets never stay around long enough.

[auntAgonist]

35. geez

:hug: :cry:

[greeneyedpookie]

15. Telling my mom over the phone

that her mother had passed away. Totally bad situation. My mom was always close with her mother and after the separation between her and my dad, with given circumstances, they had drifted a little. Never want to hear my mom totally loosing it on the phone that way ever again.

GEP

[fit4life]

16. Nowhere near your level but...

Dropping my boys off with their mother after my weekend with them. I thought it would get easier with time, but it doesn't.

[auntAgonist]

34. welcome to DU.

That is a tough situation. :(

[TufNeck]

17. Dang

I'm sorry you had to be put in that situation. I feel bad for you and your daughter but I'm sure you did the right thing.

[ikojo]

18. I think the situation is out of your hands. Even if YOU don't want

to press charges, the bank will because it is over $100, at least that is what I was told in 1989 when a room mate (whom I looked upon as a sister) forged my name on one of my checks (it was less than $100 so the bank would not pursue it).

[WritersBlock]

19. Give permission to stop

resusitation on my mother via a long distance phone call.

[auntAgonist]

36. I'm so sorry ...

:(

[donheld]

20. Coming out of the Closet was not easy

Thankfully it was worth it.

[Hans Delbrook]

21. You did the right thing

I'm sure it hurts but in your heart you know.

The hardest thing I've had to do is fire people or lay them off. It sucks every time and it doesn't get easier.

[Blue Diadem]

22. Hold my Sister's hand..

while she died, knowing there was not one damn thing I could do..feeling so helpless.

You did the right thing. I had to call the police on my oldest son once as well. He was a minor, luckily spending a week in the juvenile detention center did him a world of good.

[HEyHEY]

23. I don't know some memorable moments though

Leaving NB and a great girl

Taking the dog I had since I was 8 to the vet to be destroyed. (Wasn't though, the vet thought she could save him)

Went to school in grade 12 knowing some goon wanted to kick my ass.

[Tsiyu]

26. I am so sorry to hear this

Good people can sometimes raise kids with poor judgement.

It is even harder -when we have politicians robbing this nation blind - to make some kids understand you can't just take from others. Not to blame your daughter's problems solely on the state of our government; it's just that even as an adult, I see that many of the folks doing the best are the ones who do the worst things. How do you get kids to understand that they don't want to be those people?

I wish you the best and I know your heart is very heavy. :hug:

[miss_kitty]

27. There were some hard choices I had to make

before, during and after cancer treatment.

I know what it feels like to have my checking acct jacked, but not by my own kid. I am so sorry for the added consternation the daughter angle adds to the incident. I hope this is an eye-opener for her to straighten up, and that you have good, kind people to help and support you through this tough tough time.

Good luck...I'll keep a thought for you, Red State Rebel.

[Name removed]

29. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[SarahB]

30. I'm very sorry.

It sound like you did what you needed to do unfortunately. :(

[housewolf]

32. Had my brother's bail revoked...

He was a drug user (heroin & cocaine) and stole tens of thousands of dollars from our mother. He stole anything he could pawn for a few bucks. Stole check cashing cards and forged checks. Stole credit cards. Stole from stores. Caused a tremendous amount of pain in the family. Almost caused our parents to split up. Told lie after lie after lie - and my poor mother just wanted to believe him and help hom...

Eventually I knew it was for the best for all of us to get him put back in jail, even though he'd have to come down in jail but he'd be safer there and so would we all. I called his bailbondsman and told him where to pick him up...

I don't know if he's ever really forgiven me but it was the last time he was ever in trouble and he's been clean and straight (doesn't even drink alcohol) for 15 years now so, in retrospect, in really was the best thing even though it was terribly hard at the time.

[auntAgonist]

33. the hardest thing I EVER had to do .. yet easy .. let me explain.

When my mother became ill with cancer, I was studying (practical at the time) to become a mortician. I promised my mother that I would be the one to look after her when she passed. I didn't embalm her. There was no way they would allow that and in retrospect I'm glad I didn't. But . . I lovingly took her from her pained and tired look and restored her to the beautiful woman that she was. I dressed her in the dress she wore to my brother's wedding, I put her make up on, just so .. the way she liked it. I did her hair, her beautiful silver hair that women would pay big dollars for just that colour at the hairdresser. I lifted her carefully and set her in her final resting bed (coffin). It was the loving thing to do. I got to spend precious quiet hours with her as I prepared her ... I got to see the look on my father's face as he regarded her laying there, at peace, not pained as he had known her for the last few months. No nightmares for him, he got to see her physical beauty once more .. it was an honour to care for my mother ... a privilege like no other.

RIP mum .....

[Lone_Star_Dem]

38. I have a great respect for you

It used to be the family's responsibility to tend to the departed members. As times have changed so have traditions. I think that was a loving tribute you were able to give to you mother.

[auntAgonist]

48. thank you

If I could have taken her place, I would have ....

thank you :)

[Lone_Star_Dem]

37. Put my grandmother in a nursing home

She had advanced Alzheimer's and I had been taking care of her for years. Finally, it reached a point where I couldn't do it anymore. She'd stopped eating on her own. Even though she was not aware of what was going on it broke my heart.

[auntAgonist]

41. that IS hard.

my mother in law is 'mid stage' Alzheimer's and will soon need a nursing home. My BIL looks after her now, him and his wife .... but it's hard for them to see and handle her deterioration.

You did what was best ... cherish the good memories.

:hug:

[Lone_Star_Dem]

45. Thank you

That really means a lot to me. :hug:

[orleans]

39. so many heartbreaking stories here

i could cry.

my heart goes out to all of you.

[msgadget]

40. Red State Rebel, that had to be one of the worst days for you,

and I'm so sorry you had to do that. I can only imagine your pain. Be strong and well.

[ffm172]

43. watching my dad getting sicker and sicker

till he died way too young. It all took place within half a year. He had a brain tumor. It was hard to see life and intelligent leaving my dad. That was 4 years ago and I still miss him dearly. At least we had him at home the last few days and the family could say goodbye to him.

[auntAgonist]

44. Cherish the good memories ...

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

:hug:





welcome to DU.

[lazarus]

46. bury my son

I barely made it to the cemetery. He was only 2 months old, SIDS took him.

That whole time is a blur now.

[auntAgonist]

47. :(

:hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug: :cry: :hug: :cry:

[lazarus]

51. Thanks

I normally don't talk about it much, but I've been taking a lot of pain meds (root canal yesterday) so I'm sorta drunk.

[BikeWriter]

49. Shit, this may make her hit bottom. She'll have to before she gets better.

:(

[Donailin]

56. Indeed. n/t

[Zuni]

59. Sometimes you have to be harsh on those you love

especially in a terrible situation like this

[SmileyBoy]

52. Cramming for finals last spring.

We're talking about 10 straight days of nothing but classes and finishing projects and studying for tests for 18 hours a day.

[RadicalMom]

53. I had to give permission to have my foot amputated. Then I had to

gradually find my way back to living. Thank you guys at DU. You've helped me find my sense of humor again.

[Donailin]

55. O man.

I was a daughter, I have a daughter and the first thing I thought of upon seeing the thread was "disciplining my daughter"

Nothing as extreme as what you have dealt with but if it's any comfort, this is what I know: children want boundaries and depend on their parents to set them. When they continuously get away with stuff they know they shouldn't get away with, they feel like you don't care and will feel disconnected. The boundaries have to be reasonable, and although it sucks being the bad guy, the alternative is worse.

[Zuni]

57. My mother had to have my uncle arrested once for the same thing

He was forging checks out of my grandmother's account and stealing her money. My grandmother (who was living with us at the time) was suffering from senility and had no idea. My mom looked over her finances and found tens of thousands of dollars stolen by my uncle.

[B Calm]

61. Say no to a drop dead gorgeous blond who wanted to get to know

me better (because I feared that my wife would kill me)..

[hippiechick]

63. Let HippieKid go to live with her right-brained father.

She was at a point in adolesence where we were constantly at each other; and being wired exactly the same, everything turned into a mind-fuck.

So even though he and I agreed that it would be best for her to go live with him and get some ole' fashioned daddy-discipline, it was still really hard to actually put her on the plane.

Second hardest: Standing by and watching the 'black bag dudes' take my mom out of the house when she died. I was 17.

Third hardest: Saying goodbye to Kef last month. :cry:

[sundog]

65. I'm in the process of it right now.

[kittycat1164]

66. Decide to have part of my brain removed

I've had seizures my whole life. In 2002, after two car accidents and taking 16 pills a day and still having sometimes 6 seizures a day the doctors decided that removing my right hippicampus would be the only way to live a normal life. Going into surgery with the (granted, small) chance that I not know my husband or children when I came out was scary. Luckily, I had no ill effects and was completely seizure free and off all meds....until last week when I was blind-sided by a grand mal at work. Man, I still cry when I let myself think about the fact they're back. I'm back on meds and not driving...:cry:

[Bullwinkle925]

67. Leave my dying mother knowing I'd never see her again.

Enough said.