I've just finished a whole bottle of port by myself, ask me anything!

[da_chimperor]

I'm drinking with some friends and I WAS playing card games until I kept loosing so much I stopped playing :grr:, so it's not like I'm drinking alone, but damn! I didn't realize I'd finished the bottle until just a minute ago. All in all, I'm still feeling quite sober. Kinda strange, seeing as it's 40 proof.

[Blue_State_Elitist]

1. Stand on one leg and jump up and down.

I dare you

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

5. Oh my God, you killed da_chimperor! You bastard! (nt)

[da_chimperor]

16. Don't underestimate the awesome power of my semi-drunkenness.

Super-human agility comes with the lot, don'cha know? Eh? How's aboot that?

[da_chimperor]

6. Ha! I did it with no ill-effects. No loss of balance at all.

I did get a few strange looks from my friends, though, but that's about it. Next challenge?

[bigwillq]

2. What kind of card games?

:hi:

[da_chimperor]

9. First we played bullshit, and I 0wned everyone . . .

but then we started playing asshole, and I was the asshole for at least 66.666666% of the time. So now I've stopped and they've moved on to backgammon.

[bigwillq]

14. I love Asshole (the card game)!

I really don't like Bullshit, silly game.

Do you guys play in asshole-if someone is prez three times in row, they could make up a rule?

[da_chimperor]

21. Nope, no additional rules. What did happen was more interesting.

I basically did my best to try to intimidate the prez into playing to lose, by way of making obscure and scary references to having murdered lots of people who beat me at cards in my younger years. It didn't work though. I still got whupped. :(

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

3. How many pink, yellow-polkadotted platypuses are singing "Das Kapital"

to the tune of "Banana Boat" beside you now? Any of them have sunglasses?

[da_chimperor]

11. That would be 4. One has sunglasses on, one has a monocle . . .

and one more has an eyepatch. Is this good or bad? :shrug:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

18. If the remaining one has a baseball cap, RUN LIKE HELL

They're bad news. :scared:

If not, ask them for stock market advice. If they say you have to buy oil companies' stock, sic the SEC on them.

[da_chimperor]

26. Hmm, none with a baseball cap on, but one was wearing a sombrero.

He told me he had a great deal on a piece of the Brooklyn bridge, but I kicked him out already. Damn scam-artist platypi. :mad:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

30. Same gang -- they keep changing their act.

Although the sombrero is a new thing. They're always one step ahead of the authorities. Rumor is J. Edgar Hoover took to drag dressing out of frustration for not being able to nail the bastards.

[da_chimperor]

32. Aren't they friends with the guys who whacked the VP of Paraguay

like 6 years ago? Oh, and I heard that they're also into making and selling imitation Viagra on the internet. Fucking rat bastards.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

38. No, no, you got it backwards.

They sell fake Paraguayan VPs on the Internet and shoot Viagra.

[da_chimperor]

44. . . .

I think my mind has been officially blown. Sharpshooting aquatic egg-laying mammals? :crazy:

[Richard Steele]

4. How many fingers am I holding up?

[da_chimperor]

12. That would be one. The thumb is not a finger, and STOP FLIPPING ME OFF!

Mmmmmkay? :D

[JimmyJazz]

7. canan yoyou ststill sssseeee straighaight?

howw mamany fingerers do youou sesee?

[da_chimperor]

15. Shit yeah I can still see. My guess is 4.

As I said before, the thumb is NOT a finger, and the photo is most likely a heavily distorted image of a single hand. Sooooooooo, how did I do? :toast:

[JimmyJazz]

19. The photo isn't distorted at all. What are you talking about?

[da_chimperor]

22. You're being facetious

:spank:

[RevolutionaryActs]

8. I'm not asking you anything... I will however tell you something...

go drink some more, so I can have my way with you! ;)

[da_chimperor]

10. Wow, that's a deal sugah!

But you've gotta pay for the plane ticket but i'll pay for breakfast. ;)

[RevolutionaryActs]

13. Ok deal!

:P

[da_chimperor]

23. Do you prefer eggs Benedict?

Or perhaps one of my world-famous swiss/smoked bacon/mushroom omelette's?

[RevolutionaryActs]

25. Eggs benedict please....

I don't like mushrooms... or swiss cheese. :P

[da_chimperor]

31. WTF!?

You don't like mushrooms? Not even shitake mushrooms?



And you don't like swiss cheese (Emmentaler)



Damn girl, you be nucking futz! :crazy:

[RevolutionaryActs]

37. HAHAHAHAHAAHHA!!

I liked dried shitake mushrooms in things, soups and such.

Swiss cheese tastes funny.... but I love all other cheese!

And yes I am nucking futz! :crazy:

[da_chimperor]

42. Futz nucker!

:P It's cool though, swiss cheese does have a kinda-funny taste to it, but it's still damn good. This is coming from a guy who loves very, really, seriously, incredibly, disturbingly moldy cheese (Danish blue, w00t!). So i'm weird like that I guess. :shrug:

[RevolutionaryActs]

43. LOL! Moldy cheese and fermented grapes.... yummy.

:P

[da_chimperor]

47. Shit yeah! Only way it could get more yummy . . .

would be to add a platter of raw smoked salmon. Yum!

[JimmyJazz]

20. Back me up on this Rev Acts - is the photo I posted distorted?

[RevolutionaryActs]

28. Which photo?

Where?


The one as your avatar? No.

The one you posted of yourself? Most certainly not.

[da_chimperor]

36. It couldn't be more distorted short of Rove being called in.

Seriously dude, WTF?

[JimmyJazz]

40. Jeebus - It's dudette. You must be really drunk.

:P

[da_chimperor]

45. Oh shit . . . the 'Jimmy' totally threw me off. My bad.

:spank: <-- This one is for me. And I'll have you know I could drink a large male water-buffalo under the table, assuming it could actually grip the glass . . .

[Democrat Dragon]

17. Have you ever danced with a banana?

[da_chimperor]

27. I tangoed with a mango a few years ago

Does that count? :shrug:

[Misunderestimator]

24. Loosing what? Pink Elephants on the room?

:D

[da_chimperor]

29. Uh, no . . . silly goose. I was playing asshole, but I kept getting beaten

The pink elephants went home a long time ago. Germans seem to have some sort of natural advantage when playing cards. Either that or my luck is utter and complete crap tonight. I guess they sacrificed more goats than I did before we played. :freak:

[Misunderestimator]

35. LOL

Never play cards whilst drinking... :)

[da_chimperor]

39. I was secretly hoping that the controlled substance they were smoking

would have worked in my favor. Evidently the reverse happened and now I'm the permanent 'asshole' of the house. Crap . . . :(

[DU GrovelBot]

33. ## PLEASE DONATE TO DEMOCRATIC UNDERGROUND! ##

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[da_chimperor]

34. LOL, grovelbot really is a money-whore.

Well, okay, not really. It's all for a good cause after all, but after having two threads in the span of a few hours visited by grovelbot, one starts to feel as if they are being watched . . . :think:

[Arkana]

41. How many fingers am I holding up?

:silly:

[da_chimperor]

46. Two. Peace signs are SO 30 years ago . . .

Nowadays anti-war protesters are supposed to flip-off the ever-present freeper counter-protesters. :D