Some groaners for Monday.

[Archae]

:D

1.Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Doc says "It's Not Unusual."

10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

15. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

[chicagojoe]

1. How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.

[kittycat1164]

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? (and others)

Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too
Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a
Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea
Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a
Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a
Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

[chicagojoe]

3. I think I beat you to the rabbit joke. SORRY!

The rest of yours have me LOL!

[Hand]

4. Ba-da-bump! Tsssh! nt

[TlalocW]

5. Bar jokes

1000 lemmings walk into a bar - *WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM*etc.

A nun, a rabbi, a priest, a Pole, and an Irishman walk into a bar together. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this - some kind of joke?"

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
Bah-dum-ksssh!

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.

What's brown and green and if it falls out of a tree onto you, it will kill you?
A pool table.

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?

TlalocW

[Redstone]

6. Guy walks into a psychiatrist's office,

blurts out, "I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee!"

Shrinks tells him, "Sit down and relax; I'll get you a tranquilizer. You have a very simple problem: You're two tents."

(Works better spoken than written.)

Redstone