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Burn-out. That's what we're suffering. There comes a time when even the most toughened of us starts to feel like there can't be any more surprises, any more evil than we've already seen. And then something new happens, and it's like someone peeled the scab off an infected wound, and we're all freshly exposed to evil incarnate in its most glaring form.
It's spring, for crying out loud, and spring is supposed to be beautiful! Spring is supposed to be a new beginning, a fresh start. Spring is supposed to be when we get rid of all the crap we've accumulated over the winter months and breathe freshly of verdant air and life.
It ain't happening. It ain't happening, because last November, the radical right managed to steal from us that hope we've so long desired. And while some are blind to the theft, to others, it was blatant and not well hid. And that is part of the new infection--that so many are blind to what is going on in our country. That so many blithely listened to the news on election night and seemed to allow the monster to rear its ugly head once again, and claim our country in its insidious grasp.
And so, in spring of 2005, we've just gotten to the point, yet again, of complete and utter despair, with no outlet to release our raw emotions. And so we snip and snap at each other, as we do in real life, where we're mad at someone and we really can't swear and tear down the real cause of our anguish. So we pick a surrogate to pick on, and mumble and remain bitter and let the infection become a festering wound all over again.
It's not that we're different than we were 6 months ago, we've just been denied what we felt was a certainty. And when that happens, and the evil ones win, we find ourselves wanting to just give up, instead of taking up that brave front we maintained for so long, and going on. And we want to scream from the bottom of our lungs "It's just not fair!" to the world at large and the radical right in particular, but know that we would sound like children fighting over a toy. And we know we're better than them emotionally--we know that we're not children, and we know that our country isn't just a toy to be fought over. But the impulse remains, and we try to sublimate it and use our anger and hatred instead toward constructive ventures, and fail miserably at times, because that wound remains open.
We can't be "up" all the time. We can't suppress our frustration and despair to the point where it never shows. It's impossible--it's not healthy and it's never going to be that easy.
Pettiness, striking out, and sometimes full-blown nastiness is gonna come to the fore regardless of how much we don't want it to. We can't go to the enemy, so we pick instead on those who have had our back all along. But friends can do that, and still be friends. And yet, while that's true in real life, it's harder to do here. Because there are no visual clues. There are no real life hugs and kisses. Because here there is no sense that what we're doing is just a bad mood exacerbated by the utter hopelessness we're feeling right now.
When we were kids, we used to retreat (because an adult would force us) to a corner for a "time out" when things got heated between ourselves and others. But we can't do that here. In real life, we can go out, take a walk or enjoy the day, and hopefully reflect on things that are making us angry. But that's the conundrum online. Taking a "time out" can often sever that lifeline we've depended on so long, and the support and link we've felt will be gone with the "time out."
There is nothing we can really do except to accept that we're angry, that there really is nothing we can do to change the past regardless of how much we know it is unfair, and try to find a new outlet for our hatred, anger and desperation to see our country focused on the right stuff again. Instead of retaliation against those who have been our friends and comrades-in-arms for these many months and years, we need to channel those emotions into tasks that will give us some new hope, new thoughts of a better tomorrow. How that affects any one person, I can't rightly say, but with so much fresh energy, perhaps our goals will not be lost entirely, only delayed, and infused with determination for a brighter future.
On the other hand, perhaps a cold shower will help instead.
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