"US News and World Report put out a breaking news flash that rumors are flying Vice President Dick Cheney might resign. Who's going to be president now?" --Jay Leno
"The results from the Iraqi election are coming in and the Sunnis are claiming that the election was rigged. So looks like they got an American-style democracy after all." --David Letterman
"You know Saddam Hussein goes on trial tomorrow, he's on trial. He's accused of 143 murders. But Saddam did get a break today when the prosecution dropped the two counts of stealing satellite TV." --David Letterman
"Saddam is the first ruthless cold blooded dictator to be on trial since…that’s right, Martha Stewart." --David Letterman
"Homeland Security secretary Michael Chertoff announced he planned to expel every illegal immigrant in the United States. Boy, more bad news for the New York Yankees." --Jay Leno
"Over the weekend in Iraq, they arrested the Al Qaeda barber. That's right. That's not like a nickname, he was actually the barber. It's an enormous breakthrough, and now we have a lead on Osama bin Laden's aromatherapist." --David Letterman
"Here's a reminder to Iraq: The crooked voting machines are due back in Florida by Friday." --David Letterman
"Over the weekend at one of the games, Houston and St. Louis, one of the camera men caught former President Bush and his wife Barbara Bush kissing. You know, by god, you know you're at a dull game when you'd rather make out with Barbara Bush." --David Letterman
"Karl Rove testified in front of the grand jury for the fourth time. This is the fourth time in front of the grand jury. In fact this time he had to give his testimony standing up. See the first three times he lied his ass off, so he had to stand up." --Jay Leno
"According to the latest polls, just 39% of Americans approve of the job Bush is doing. The White House is jumping on this 39% thing, they're saying he's now the president who represents minorities." --Jay Leno
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/bldailyfeed3.htm