Ok, so I'm writing this little piece, and I want it to sound like a stereotypical gay guy talking. First, would it be offensive to gay guys, and second, would it be offensive to gay guys when it turns out that it's Godzilla talking, and third... If the answer to one or two is "no" can anybody help me get the lingo right? Right now, what I've got sounds more like "valley girl" than "gay guy."
Background: I've been doing daily writing exercises that involve using a picture from a photoblog, and writing a little 500-600 word "momento" that relates to the picture. Today's picture is just a bunch of people running across a street (the photographer called it "green light"). My first thought was that it looked like a shot from a Godzilla movie. My second thought was, how can I make it
different from a "Godzilla" story... so I came up with an idea of Godzilla telling a friend (or maybe giving an interview) about his trip to New York.
Here's what I've got so far, if anybody's interested:
So, of course, I heard all these stories about how New York is so faabulous, so I thought I’d take a trip over there. Well, let me tell you, it’s not all they make it out to be. ‘So nice they named it twice”? Pul-eeeze. Let me tell you how nasty it really is.
First, the streets. Oh, honey, let me tell you, concrete canyons doesn’t begin to describe it. I’m sashaying down the boulevard, swishing my tail, and I swear, at least six buildings came down on it. I mean, look! I’ve got bruises!
They’ve got these masses and masses of little squishy creatures. Almost as bad as Tokoyo! You can’t go anywhere without having to wade through them. They got under my nails, and stuck between my toes, and one got stuck on my claw and I couldn’t get it off for blocks I mean, eewww, right? Plus they made the ground all slippery. So I screamed at them to get out of my way, and sure, some of them did, but they left all their little rolling things scattered around, and I’m like, “Hello! I’m trying to walk here!" Do you know how embarrassing it is to go crashing down on your tail when your foot shoots right out from under you because it landed on one of those things?
And they have these nasty flying things that sting. Seems like no matter how many you bat out of the air, there’s always more. So, I blew them away with my atomic breath, natch, but then they exploded all over me! Look, I’ve got all these little burns on my snout, and now it hurts when I breathe!
**Edited to add the word "faaabulous"**
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