I'm Sick Of Life

[mermaid]

Life sucks. It does not appear to EVER be getting any better. The economy still sucks. I have been seven months without even so much as a temp assignment, and two years now since I last had a decent, full-time job, with benefits, in my field.
Things don't look to be getting any better. There is no cause for any optimism.
I go on interviews, burn gas, only so they can hire someone else...or diddlescrew around forever, not making a decision. How fucking long do companies have to take to MAKE UP THEIR FUCKING MINDS?!?!
I am about to go OUT OF MY MIND with the rotten job market...more layoffs...great, thanks, just what I need, more goddamn competition on the job market...sometimes I wish this damn world would just hurry up, kill me and get it over with, since it is so obvious the vast majority of this world does not want me to live.

[Burma Jones]

1. I thought you meant the cereal

I've been in your shoes, I had to move to get a decent job......

[mermaid]

5. I've Already Moved

It did me no good, except that I now live with my mom, so at least I don't have to worry about a heartless landlord. But, I still have no job, no pride, no future, no jack-shit. I'm just tired of living, and wish someone would finally just kill me.
This world is not getting any better, it will never get any better, and the sooner I'm rid of it, the better.

Whatever waits beyond this world can't possibly be as bad as what is here.

[Burma Jones]

12. Sorry, but it gets better

Really, it does.

Although, I really have had the same sort of internal dialogue you're descriibing. I recently was cleaning out some boxes and came across a notebook I kept back in 1989 (I was 29) and in it, I had written down all the arguments for and against killing myself. I'm very happy now, but it took a long long time to get here.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

Hey, yeah, life sucks, but I bet death sucks harder.

Hang in there. You'll make it. We'll all make it. And I know you probably REALLY don't want to hear this right now, but stuff like this sometimes is just what life's about....

:hug::hug: Sorry if I made you feel any worse :hug:

[mermaid]

6. No, Death Doesn't Suck Harder.

I'm a transsexual. I face discrimination every day. Obviously, this world does not want me to live. So, instead of doing it to me slowly, I wish they would just hurry the hell up and kill me quickly.

Obviously, this world does not feel I am worthy of life.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

8. Now THAT sucks.

I feel for ya. Discrimination sucks.

Yet another reminder why we must NEVER "sit down and shut up!"

[Taverner]

10. Fuck them then

You want them to win????

Wouldn't you rather suceed and wipe their faces in your sucess?

[mermaid]

14. ...

What success??

Some success my life has been! I have nothing. I am 34-years old, and had to move back home with Mommy, because I am a failure.

What success?

and what does it matter, anyway? what little success I have had in my life, no one appreciates, and everyone else takes credit for, anyway.

I was insyrumental in helping to get non-discrimination laws, including protection for transgender people...in five different places...Allentown, PA - New Jersey (Statewide) Louisville, KY Lexington, KY, and Austin, TX.
and in every case, it's never been good enough for anyone...someone else always took all the credit and accolades, and I got shit on a stick.

No Trinity Award for me. Someone else took all the credit, and they got the award that should have been mine. And me....I just got more shit on a stick.

Life just sucks.

[DS1]

2. We must share the same industry

;-)

[Taverner]

3. Death sucks even worse

[AirmensMom]

4. I'm sorry you're going through this, mermaid.

:hug:

One of my daughters went through the same thing. She has a job now, but it's not what she wants or in her field. The other one had the chance to get out of the A/F and stayed in b/c she was so afraid she wouldn't be able to get a job. It sucks.

I hope things look up for you. Don't give up. :hug:

[sundog]

7. i'm sure the world doesn't want you dead

if you're feeling that way, you should talk to someone locally

[mermaid]

11. I'm Sure You Are Wrong

If they didn't want me dead, they wouldn't put me in a situation where death looked like the only option. They hate me for being a transsexual, they no longer see me as human...or worthy of life...and so they want to kill me.

I just wish they would do it quickly, instead of slowly starving me to death, and slowly robbing me of my pride, and everything I have ever valued in this life.

They just keep sucking away at everything I ever held dear in life, and they keep sucking and sucking...just enough to not kill me, but to make my life thoroughly miserable, and not worth living anymore.

I already see a therapist, through the states Occupational Rehabilitation Program, it is not helping. The only thing that will help is for someone to give me back my pride, and give me a decent, respectable job. It doesn't look like that is going to happen.

[sundog]

18. just saying a message board isn't the best form of life guidance

again, no one wants to kill you

things will get better, persevere

[mermaid]

20. Persevere?? For HOW FUCKING LONG?!?!?!!?

n/t

[liberalitch]

9. Please don't give up....

I know that it seems as though there is NO light at the end of the tunnel, but there is.
A good buddy of mine was going through something similar.... she couldn't get a job in her field.... but she could get a student loan.
She did. Changed her field from accounting to hairdressing (yes GSLs pay for cosmotology school) which was secretly what she always wanted to do.
What have you secretly always wanted to do?

[mermaid]

13. What Have I Always Wanted To Do??

given a choice...I'd run a no-kill shelter for dogs, and spend the rest of my life caring for DOGS. At least THEY love you, and THEY never forget to say thank you, and THEY don't discriminate, and THEY don't stab you in the back.

I'm to the point of saying FUCK PEOPLE. People always dissappoint and let you down...they betray you at the first opportunity....dogs don't do that.

If only there was money to be had doing it, so that I could spend the rest of my life with nobody but dogs. Fuck people. People suck. They have hurt me too much.

[tjdee]

17. Do you disappoint and let people down?

You're a person, aren't you?

Surely you're not the only person in the world who doesn't disappoint and let people down?

[liberalitch]

23. Hmmm, sounds like a degree in non-profit management....

might do the trick!
Go back to school with that as your goal.....
* was supposed to make all kinds of dough available for re-educating the work force..... get you some!

[threehensandacow]

15. life is silly

i think it's time to stand in front of the mirror, naked, and make funny faces. because if you're not going to kill yourself and no one is going to do it for you, then what else can you do but laugh? maybe you're in the wrong field. maybe god is trying to force you into a leap of faith of doing what you've always wanted or something you never thought you could do. or, maybe life just sucks. which i think is probably what's really going on here.

[tjdee]

16. Make your own job...?

I was going to tell you that everything has a season, blah blah blah...

But now I'm wondering if you can't start your own thing for now. You wouldn't get benefits, but it'd give you something to do in between soul sucking interviews.

You say you like dogs--maybe petting sitting/walking? Or something?

I've been racking my brain to see what I can do for a second income, because I don't have any money and I *do* have a job.

It's pretty sad, how money dictates how comfortable and at peace you are with yourself sometimes, isn't it.

You're going to be fine. Honest.

[Chovexani]

19. I hear ya

I need to go back to school, but can't afford to...and with my level of education/experience I can't do anything but shit retail jobs and temping and that's getting me nowhere.

I've lost hope a long time ago myself. But what else can we do? :hug:

[mermaid]

22. What Else??

How about rising up aghainst the capitalist motherfuckers who make our lives miserable, and suck out our lives, and tear their asses apart, limb from limb?

That is what I want to do. I quite literally, given a chance, and a guarantee of getting away with it...I quite literally WOULD kill those who have made my life so miserable. and what's more, I'd enjoy it, too.

[tjdee]

25. Why not get back at those people by being happy?

Being angry at someone else just gives them power over you. You think they're sitting around going "Gee, mermaid hates me so much, I'm so miserable"?

No. They're going out for drinks, laughing, getting laid.
So why be angry? And if you *did* kill them, you'd be in jail, and they'd be dead, resting easy.

Your anger is hurting *you*. That doesn't seem fair, does it.

[sundog]

27. she was trying to be supportive & you are lashing out

[LaurenG]

21. I want you to know that

there have been times that I have felt just like this. It was for other reasons but I went through a period of time when NOTHING made sense.

I know how frustrating it is to be out of work and the helpless feelings that go with that. You will get a job, you WILL. Have a good cry, kick, scream do what you have to to get rid of some of this frustration and then remember, you WILL get a job. you will. :hug:

BTW, The world doesn't get a say about you living or not you have a right to be here and, you will get a job.

[mermaid]

24. I Wish I Believed You

but I don't. I won't get a job. I know I won't, because people want me to suffer.
I wish I could kill them. I really do.

[tjdee]

26. WHO wants you to suffer?

??

[The empressof all]

28. Locking

The members of DU really aren't qualified to help you with problems of this nature. If you are feeling suicidal or if your are thinking of self harm in anyway please contact the folks at-800-784-2433. They can also provide a referral for you to talk with someone directly in your community.