Night-owls silly jokes

[SoCalDem]

Sex and Smokers

Two ladies were outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

"Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

........................................................

What gender is a computer?

A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

For example,
"House" in French, is feminine........"La maison". "Pencil" in French, is masculine...."le crayon".

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is a computer?"

The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups, appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ('le computer") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

[Wapsie B]

1. I loved those!

:rofl:



Thanks. I like good jokes.

[chknltl]

2. Loved the first one

2nd was not bad either.

A few days ago someone here in DU posted this, it deserves to be repeated:

What is 12 inches long and sits in front of an asshole?
bush's necktie!

[GrpCaptMandrake]

3. So John Kerry and a horse walk into a bar

Bartender looks at 'em and says "Why the long faces?"

I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your wait staff.


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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal looks at the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"