Followup: My Wife and I are Divorcing

[RetroLounge]

MrsRetro has given me permission to post this: Many of you have known about my situation here at home, some of you have suspected problems, those who have read my poems threads knew there were issues going on. So here's the deal. MrsRetro and I have been having marriage issues for a while now, and after 10 years together, 9 years of marriage, and two beautiful children, it was not looking too good. We have been trying, but it is clear now that it is just no use, as you will see. She has been suffering from severe depression, which is now being treated. She also had thyroid issues, which are also being treated. And she has begun to get better. But I knew in my heart the actual nature of the problem and also knew that she was not ready or in a place to freely admit it, so I did not force the issue, and went along keeping it together as best I could and the children shielded from any conflict. But after work yesterday we had one more in a long series of long discussion and when I once again asked her the direct question I didn't want to ask, she finally answered me honestly.

She had been having an affair with a lesbian friend of ours, and she admitted for the first time to herself and someone else (me) that she is gay, and that she now wants a divorce.

Well, needless to say, even though I knew about the affair for quite a while, and the rest too, I was still devastated at actually hearing it from her, and I left the house for a few hours angry and hurt and sad beyond belief.

But I drove somewhere safe and sat in a room full of a close friends and talked honestly and openly about it. Then I did something I do not usually do, I prayed to whoever is up there running the show for help and direction, and a feeling calmness, safety and love come over me and I knew what I had to do. This is an extrememly difficult issue that she has been struggling with alone and secretly for a long time, and I am sure she has been going thru some kind of personal hell and has been in a really dark and scary place about this. She is worried sick about me, thinking she has ruined my life. Extememly worried about the kids. Worried about everything else that this entails, coming out at 35 yrs old. But I think what she did was amazingly brave and took some amount of deep faith that I can only imagine and that she has no idea she even has.

So I made a decision and knowing that I still love her and all I've ever wanted for her is to be happy, I thought about what that means and how to back up those feelings. So all I can do is stand behind her and support her decision and help here any way I can. My anger (for now) has disappeared, and I came home and we talked until 5am about what we are going to do, and what is the best course to take for the kids. We will not fight over anything. We will sell the house and pay off all our debts. We will get places to live close to each other. We will not fight over the kids. We will do this divorce with the same amount of love, care and respect that we had when we did the wedding together. She just left and took the kids and went to her mom's for a few days, and when she returns, we will just do the next right thing, whatever that is, and we will do it together.

We had already set up marriage counseling, and decided we would follow thru with a different therapist who specializes in this area and take her advice on how to separate and keep the kids best interests at heart. We also are best friends and that will remain true. This is not something she did to me, not something I caused or can control or change, and I do not take it personally, and hold no ill will toward her anymore. Only love and respect. Our children will still have two damn good parents who are deeply involved in their lives, who love each other, and love the two of them more than life itself, and they will grow up knowing how special they are and that they are loved and wanted and they will be fine.

This is just another new adventure on the road through this thing called life.

Thank you for all your support, DU Lounge Denizens, you have been a Godsend...

RL

[Maestro]

1. Time will heal.

I hope things start looking brighter for you from here on out.

[Hugin]

2. You have my sympathy RetroLounge...

I'm sorry things did not turn out for you in the way
I'm sure you were planning them to 10 years ago.

But, it sounds as if things will start to get better
for you now.

[kedrys]

3. Whoa. You two are amazing people.

:cry: I'm very sorry your marriage is ending, but your - and your wife's - display of strength, good will, character and sheer courage in your story is breathtaking. I wish you both the very best. I know your children will grow up to be good and remarkable persons, just like their parents.

:hug:

[supernova]

4. It's good that the truth is out

:hug: And I'm sure that whatever divinity you believe in is hugging you close now. :hug:

It may not feel like it now, for for quite a while yet, but operating from the truth is more freeing than you can imagine right now. And your kids will be happier because you are happier.

[dolo amber]

5. If it helps any

it sounds to me like she's got a fantastic person to go through this sad time with. Best of luck to you both. :hug:

[Heidi]

6. You're gonna be OK, my friend, and so are your kids

and Mrs. RL, because you've already made the decision to be OK. CMW and I send you, Mrs.RL and your children all the healing energy in the world. :hug:

[LaraMN]

7. RL- hugs! I think your kids are going to be better than ok.

Honestly, I think this is one of the best scenarios for a divorcing couple's children. The mere fact that the two of you are being open and honest and still have a friendship will likely be a huge factor in how your children ultimately feel about the split, in the long run. Your love for your wife, and her obvious deep concern for all of you is what your children will remember. You aren't being bitter, hateful, vengeful, and petty. I'm sorry for the pain you all face and have dealt with to this point. Brighter days are ahead for all of you- that much is certain. You're in my thoughts. :hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

8. RL

You are astonishingly compassionate and MrsRetro is extremely lucky to have you in her life. My cousin went through a similar experience with his wife, and he wasn't nearly the stand up guy you are being.

Kudos.

[In_The_Wind]

9. May the days ahead be happier for you both ~ RetroLounge.

I'm sorry for your pain.

[Evergreen Emerald]

10. I am so sorry for your loss

You seem to be an insightful, honest, caring, individual with good friends who can help you and your children through this rough patch.

[sundog]

11. take care man

:pals:

[GOPisEvil]

12. Best wishes to you and your family.

[Mutley]

13. You sound like a very good person

for being able to deal with this so well. :hug: Good luck to you and your family.

[BlueIris]

14. Oh, my God. Good for you for accessing support during this time.

Jesus. I'm sorry, Retro. That's one of the worst stories I've ever heard.

At least you won't have to struggle with the question of whether or not the situation in your marriage was "fixable." As someone who once went through something similar, (unknowingly dating a denial-ridden gay man for three years--I actually didn't know until way after the end) this is one of the things that comforts me personally at times.

You can survive this. Good luck with all of the decisions you will have to face in the future. You can do it. We're here for you.

[Wapsie B]

15. Best wishes for you and yours RL.

Sounds like you're doing the right thing.

[cassandra uprising]

16. I am humbled by the integrity and strength shared by you both.

You both are incredibly brave people.

Your children are very lucky to have such loving parents.

:hug:

[jpgray]

17. Let me just say you are a classy fellow

I can't even imagine experiencing what you have, but even so I'm not sure I'd do half as well as you have. Your kids are very lucky.

[auntAgonist]

18. I hope the road ahead

is less bumpy RL. You are an amazing man. The strength you've shown and the true love you show is incredible. I don't know that many people could deal with this the way you have in such a loving and dignified manner.

best wishes to ALL of you.


:hug:

aA
kesha

[swimboy]

19. Hi, RL

I'm very glad to hear how you're doing. Knowing the truth and basing your next steps on an honest, albeit vastly changed, relationship with your wife sets the groundwork for a much better and happier year than you were expecting just days ago. It's going to be an uncertain time where things change rapidly and importantly. I am rejoicing for the peace you feel as you embark and my already high respect for you has kicked into a stratospheric orbit. As difficult as the next weeks are likely to be, I'm very happy that your way is much clearer and illuminated than it was so recently.

Hugs and love.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

20. you can get thru anything with good friends

:)

[davsand]

21. I'm sorry to hear it, but I celebrate the honesty you two exhibit.

I am deeply sorry for the pain you two are enduring, but I really admire you both for being open about it and for working to take care of each other and the kids. Somehow you'll make it work.

I'm not sure I could do half as well with this sort of thing.

My best to you, and please know I care.


Laura

[bleedingheart]

22. I am sorry that it turned out this way, but glad that you both are now

going to work together to get through it and keep your kids interests in mind.

Good luck!!!

[gardenista]

23. You are a good man

And your children and wife are lucky to have you in their lives. I wish you strength and clarity as you go through this transition. I hope that a new relationship evolves which will bring everyone involved deeper happiness and an opportunity to be authentically loving to each other.

Finally, I wish for you, one day, when you are ready, a love who deeply appreciates you and loves you as much as you do them.

[Left Is Write]

24. I'll be thinking of you both.

:hug:

[johnnie]

25. Hang in there RL

It's always sad when a relationship hits a point like this, but it's good to see that you two are handling it the way you are. You have a lot of people here who dig you and support you.

[lizziegrace]

26. So sorry

Another couple I know went through an identical situation. It's taken awhile, but the kids seem okay and he seems to be moving on after what must have been a devastating revelation. I feel in time, you'll do the same. But time is the answer. Give yourself that and be kind to you.

:hug:

[skygazer]

27. I'm so sorry you are going through this

But it sounds like you're both dealing with it in a healthy and productive, not to mention loving and understanding way. Kudos to you, man - it's the rare individual who can look at something like this with such honesty and integrity. That's got to count for a lot of good karma.

Your kids will be fine and they'll have learned a valuable lesson about love and tolerance and sacrifice. :hug:

[Whoa_Nelly]

28. Always here for you

Am glad you have friends around you and here on DU to offer support for you.

:hug:

[flamingyouth]

29. Best of luck to you

I know you're doing the right thing and will continue to do so. :hug:

[CanuckAmok]

30. I admire your approach to this.

And I'm sorry it's happening to you.

Hang in there, RetroLounge.

[bicentennial_baby]

31. oh sweetie...

:hug: :hug: one for each of you...and :hug: :hug: one for each of the lil ones :)

[mzteris]

32. Your children are really lucky

to have a dad like you.

Divorces are difficult no matter the reason, but to take away the anger is to defuse a lot of the potential problems.

Accepting that your wife's orientation has nothing to do with YOU and still loving her and having a deep and abiding friendship will mean the world to your children as they grow up and face life.

I can understand you feel angry about the cheating - cheating is cheating regardless, but understand that society has really messed with her head for a entire lifetime. She may have geniunely been trying to NOT BE that other person and living your life in a dichotomy can create some serious issues for the person. (The fact that her thyroid and depression have messed with her "ethical compass" also comes into play. Don't take it personally - though I know it's hard not to.)

There will still be some rocky times ahead - money has a way of creating strife. PERCEIVED (or real) imbalances of power, of "connection" / time spent with the kids, of influence on the kids, of feeling shut-out - these will happen and will need to be addressed.

Good luck in finding your new path in life. Allow yourself to grieve over the lost dreams you had. Allow yourself time ALONE and to let the kids adjust before getting involved yourself with anyone else. They have enough to deal with without adding another party to mix, ya know? And besides, you need to be comfortable being YOU again.

[undeterred]

33. I'm sorry for all this pain in your life

But I am so glad for the maturity and courage you obviously have.

There will be rough days ahead, but you will get through it.

I heard once that a person's self esteem is directly related to how their parents treated each other. Divorced parents who respect each other are much better for their children than married parents who don't respect or love each other, I'm sure of it.

Strength and peace to you RL ... there is someone up there running the show.

undeterred

[eyepaddle]

34. You have my sympathy and my respect,

no doubt this will continue to be a challenging situation (to put it mildly) from what I have read here and know about you, I have no doubt at all that you will come through this and all involved will be better for it.

Best wishes RL,

eyepaddle

[Zomby Woof]

35. You are a man of integrity and courage

I commend your high road approach after so many months of sadness and heartache. You are strong, and will prevail.

Your children will benefit from your wisdom and compassion. Just you wait!

:hug: Best of luck, friend!

[Ellen Forradalom]

36. RL

You are an amazing man who has been given a gift of peace from God. Keep asking for it, you will get it.

The very best to all four of you.

[cfield]

37. I don't know you well

but in the few months I've been here I've enjoyed your posts. Most recently, I've learned of your struggling marriage and wished only the best for you. It's obvious that your kids have 2 great parents and even in this rough time, they'll be okay.
Just don't forget to be sure you're okay too. I'm happy to hear that there's no hate involved, for your sake and the kids. I'm sorry it's turning out this way, but I'm confident that you'll get through it and be a stronger man in the end.

Hugs to you RL!



edit to clarify

[CaliforniaPeggy]

38. My dear RetroLounge......

What a beautiful and moving account you have written here......

I know you will be sad as you make this transition. After all, 10 years is a long time, and it will take time for you to heal and adjust.....

But you both have made an excellent start, and I know you will all be fine.

I am so moved I hardly know what else to say, so I'll leave it at that...

We've got your back, now and always.....

:loveya: :grouphug:

[Cats Against Frist]

39. Best wishes to you, your (ex-) wife, and your kids

You will be embarking on a brave new course. I don't know you, but you seem, to me, to be someone who will do quite well. Write about it, too...

[Shine]

40. Wow, I'm really sorry to hear you're going thru this, RL

but it really sounds as if you are commited to doing it as consciously and amicably as possible...and for that, I commend you both. It's clear there's a lot of love between you, despite the problems.

Your kids will be fine, rest assured. Speaking as the adult child of parents who divorced when I was 6, I can honestly say I would not be the person I am today had they stayed together. In other words, although it was deeply painful to us all at the time, I know in my heart of hearts, it was all for the best.

May you both grow in Wisdom and Compassion as you move forward into this New Year of powerful change. I wish you all the best and many blessings. Remember, the Good that you seek is seeking you.

xoxo,
Shine
:hug:

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

41. I'm thinking of you at this difficult time

A previous poster was right: Time will heal.

[rbnyc]

42. Wow.

That's a lot to deal with. My heart is with you.

:hug:

[Beware the Beast Man]

43. Wow. That is a lot to take in.

I'll just reinforce what everyone else has already said: we're here for you, and you really are taking all of this with class. I wish nothing but the best for you. :hug:

[Orsino]

44. Best wishes.

I'm very sorry for your pain, and I applaud the positive approach you're taking. Be an example to all!

[RevCheesehead]

45. ..

(((:hug:)))

[anarch]

46. this is sad, but also inspiring

I'm sorry to hear things have been this rough for you! But really, it sounds like it is all being dealt with the best possible way, with honesty and openness.

Anyway, best wishes for you and your whole family, and thanks for sharing this...I really believe that everyone involved will be happier and stronger for going through this, especially considering the remarkable strength of spirit you seem to have!

[khashka]

47. You are a good man, RL

Even in the midst of heartbreak you are still supportive to her. But the most important thing you said is that you (and she) will do what is best for the kids. (You have made it clear how much you love them.)

I'm sure you are hurting now. And you have my deepest sympathy. But you have an open and caring heart and that will see you through these rough times.

And when it gets bad, which it will since you have to grieve before you heal, we're here. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on - PM me.

Khash.

[SharonRB]

48. I'm so sorry, RetroLounge

Sounds like you're handling this as well as possible under the circumstances. My heart goes out to you, your wife and your kids. It may not seem like it now, but in the long run this is probably going to be the best for everyone. At least you're still best friends and this will be amicable and you can be supportive of each other and your kids.

[jus_the_facts]

49. My heart goes out to you and yours.....

....may you all find peace. :hug:

[graywarrior]

50. Sorry to hear this.

Take care of yourself. Really take care of yourself.

[leftofthedial]

51. take care of the kids

it sucks, especially when infidelity is involved.

Speaking as one who recently divorced (officially) after 28 years of marriage, you love and respect her now. But with time, and careful self examination and the support of friends and loved ones, you'll get over that.

Seriously, I'm sorry for the inevitable pain and loss you'll experience, but you will heal and move on to find happiness. Take care of the kids.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

52. you seemed to have handled things wiht maturity and dignity.

i am sure your kids will be fine,

pri

[RandomKoolzip]

53. Well, good for you for being accepting.

I congratulate you on your maturity. I'm sure many guys would have flipped out and done something stupid in your shoes.

I hope it all works out for you and your family.

[I Have A Dream]

54. What a wise, mature person you are. n/t

[miss_american_pie]

55. I'm sorry RL

:hug:

If it helps any, my parents divorced when my brother and I were about your kids' ages. Despite how "divorce kids" are commonly portrayed, we generally turn out just fine.

[Ellipsis]

56. Wishing you well.

I stare at the blinking cursor.

Admiration. ...a level head.

Your poem today paints fresh pictures of a soulful man and two reasonable people.
There is strength in your passion. The logic in your heart, keeps you from being blinded by the hurt of your situation.

The kiddo's are lucky to have such a good dad.


and ...indirectly you have been set free.

Have a god day Retro.

MRS. RL too.

[greatauntoftriplets]

57. The best of luck to you and your family...

the counseling should help.

[Corgigal]

58. I'm sorry

I've also been through a divorce with two children. Hang in there. 15 years later, I have a wonderful hubby and all my kids are doing well. Just one day at a time friend.

[Floogeldy]

59. Don't be sad.

Everything will work out and you can still have a wonderful life.

[hunter]

60. Sounds like you've found a firm footing to start building up again...

It hurts, but it's a good thing.

:hug:

[UncleSepp]

61. I think I'm in the same boat... how to reassure the friends??

You are a beautiful, beautiful man for handling this as you are. What a kind and loving family you all make.

My husband and I are nearly 11 months into a 12 month trial separation. Soon, we'll come to the go/no go day. The 12 months was for us to try to work on ourselves as individuals, so that if we would stay married, we'd be two stronger individuals, and if we wouldn't, we'd be better prepared for a life apart.

In any case, we're family now, and we intend to stay that way - even if we become brothers and not spouses. To say we're "friends" isn't quite right: I can be furious with him and still love him and not hesitate to care for him in a way I've only experienced with my parents and my sister. It sounds like you and your wife are very much intending to stay family, too. This can be a difficult situation for mutual friends, who may be used to bitter divorces that require a friend to choose "sides". I was thinking about ways to deal with that, and one of them I thought of might also work for you and your wife. I was thinking about having our mutual friends over, or to a rented place, for a get together with food and wine and so on. Not exactly a party, but not exactly a funeral, either. Just a get together, a commemoration that our relationship is changing, and a demonstration to our friends that we really don't hate each other and that we both want to keep all of our friends in our lives. I think it would send a stronger signal than just telling the mutual friends "yes, we'll stay friends, and this is for the best" - words that are too often said, but not often enough meant.

When you think about it, there is some kind of group social event for every other major change in life; there are various parties to celebrate pregnancy, birth, coming of age, marriage, and then... nothing until death? There needs to be a new tradition for how to gracefully handle divorce, something that has announcement cards (functional - they will both inform of the new status and be a vehicle for new names if that applies, and new addresses) and a social gathering to allow each party to the divorce to interact with the social circle for a brief time, about the situation, all in one night in a convenient way. It would be a good, structured time for the social network to offer support such as help with moving and setting up a new household, babysitting, and so on as well.

I think it's also important that whatever scheduled, regular social events existed before the divorce continue afterward. If it's a poker game, a bowling night, a religious service, a monthly movie, whatever it is, it's good all the way around for it to keep on going. If there isn't one, it might be good to make one just to make sure everyone still keeps contact. Don't let the grass grow on the path between your house and a friend's, right? It's the network of friends that will help keep things normal.

I wish you and Mrs. Retro the best of luck, from the bottom of my heart. PM me anytime if you want.

[tigereye]

62. best to you both and your children

good luck. :hug:

kudos to you both for being so brave.

[newyawker99]

63. .....

:hug:

[redwitch]

64. Wow. You are going to be MORE than ok.

All of you. Life does change on a dime sometimes ( for everyone at some point or another), everybody has got their "stuff". I wish that all marriages that struggle and ultimately have to end, could do so with such clarity and compassion. You are a good man and you have my respect and sincere best wishes on this new adventure. Your children are lucky to have such parents.

[Rhiannon12866]

65. Wow. Thank you for this incredible thread, my friend.

You are, as has already been said, a class act, and your wife and kids are blessed to have you in their lives. I am so sorry that your life has taken this unanticipated and sad turn, but you seem to have reconciled your feelings and are coping more capably than most people could even dream of. Please take care of yourself and know how well you are thought of on DU. Let us know how you're doing and keep those poems coming...:-)

Rhiannon:hug:

[MissB]

66. You'll make it just fine, RL.

:hug: Good luck with the process of divorce- it sounds like you and your soon-to-be-ex are taking the right route.

[xmas74]

67. You will be ok,

your children will be fine, your friend(I'm calling her a friend now because it sounds like the two of you will still be friends. "Ex" is so final and the two of you will be connected for many years to come) will be fine. It will take time.
It's nothing that you did wrong. The affair was the wrong way to go for her but she needed the chance to find herself and to identify who she really was. In that aspect, she is not in the wrong either.

In life, shit happens. We laugh, we cry, we mourn, we pout. And we get angry. But in the end we either grow from the experience and learn to laugh and love again or we roll over and die. My dear, from reading your other posts in the past on here, you will learn to laugh and love again. You will learn who you are apart from being in a relationship. We define ourselves in roles-in your case as a father and a husband. One of those roles is soon to be extinct. Now is your chance to find out what other things can fulfill you and your life outside of the husband role.
And your relationship will get better with your children. They will see someone who has new interests and is happy. They will see someone who has dealt with hard times and has not allowed them to get to him. They will respect and admire that when they are older.
And your relationship will change. It sounds like you still want to be friends. Good for you! In the beginning, you will feel like crying every time you see her. Later, the tears will dry up. Finally, you will both be able to sit down, talk and share a few laughs. Now that she has learned that she is not who she always thought she was she will be able to let her guard down and be genuine again. When you think about it, your relationship might just get better at this point. The two of you have two very important things to bind you both together-your children. I'd bet you will both work hard at maintaining a friendship in order to raise your children. And you might just discover that the two of you can still be friends and have a better relationship as friends than you did as husband and wife.
Good luck, God Bless You(if that is ok w/ you) and you will make it through this. Things will get better as time progresses.

[Miss Marmelstein]

68. I am so sorry, Retro...

I hope you can keep being positive about your future. Your children will be just fine because they have such loving parents. Take care and hugs. :hug:

[Aristus]

69. We're here for you, Retro.

Hang in there, buddy.

[cally]

70. I admire your strength and good sense.

You will all be OK because you are dealing with this from compassion, maturity, and love. Your kids are lucky to have such good people as parents. :hug:

[elehhhhna]

71. Rec for Greatest page...

Everybody should see this.
It's beautiful. It's inspiring. Thank you.

[Nikia]

72. I am sorry about your situation

I hope that everything turns out well for you and your family.

[serryjw]

73. Respect,Love and friendship

are never easy to find. You are both lucky that you can both go on with your lives and hopefully find love again. You produced 2 great kids that time will never change. You will alwys be connected just in a different way.
Namaste

[SeattleGirl]

74. RL, you and your wife have my highest admiration

I know there is pain involved, as there is with the end/transition of any relationship, for whatever reason, but the approach the two of you are taking, keeping your focus on the well-being of your children, moves me to tears. I know in my heart that all of you will come out of this better people, and, universe willing, with an expanded capacity to love.

My youngest brother went through something similar, in that his former wife finally admitted she was a lesbian. It was painful for both of them, but they are both fine, have respect for each other, and for my brother, he developed a compassion for gays and lesbians he had never had, because he saw first hand the torment his former wife went through in coming out.

My feeling is that, while there will be painful times for both of you and your children, that in a way, your healing has already started, as has her's and your children's. I will hold all of you in my heart, and wish all of you great blessings, healing, and love.

And, you know that you always have us, as well as the friends you mentioned, to talk to, cry with, rejoice with, and share with. Much love to you, Mrs. RL, and your two beautiful children :hug: :loveya:

[wovenpaint]

75. What a journey this is,is right

I've been reading your posts all along and quietly send out good thoughts to you.

It sounds like you're both on a better path now, and don't forget that children have resiliency, i.e. "kid logic". Be kind to each other.
Wishing you and your family the best during the days ahead.

[Rowdyboy]

76. You are indeed a class act. An amiable divorce can work wonders....

My partner and his ex-wife have been divorced 17 years yet remain friends and in frequent contact. It really is beneficial for all concerned if you can hold onto your maturity.

You, my friend, are an incredibly caring man. I respect what you're doing tremendously. I'm not sure how I would behave in a similar situation but I hope I would show your sort of class.

[XemaSab]

77. Hardcore

That's tough, but it sounds like you're doing the right thing for both of you....

[Pale Blue Dot]

78. It sounds like you are doing all the right things.

I hope you find whatever it is that makes you happy. Good luck, and if you need anything or someone to talk to, send a PM.

[u4ic]

79. You are an amazing man, RL

:hug:

[enigmatic]

80. Hey bro

I know we haven't "talked" much here at DU, but if you need to talk, vent, whatever- I'm always around. And you're a helluva guy in handling this the way you are; your kids will see this, and learn from it as well.

My thoughts are w/ everybody involved in this; you'll be ok:)

[bigwillq]

81. Hey RL....

First off :hug:

It's the best thing, and the right thing, that you two decided to divorce. I feel in the long run the both of you (and even the kids) will be better off for it.

There will be difficult days ahead (you know that) but you took the first step in the healing process. Each day and step will get easier and easier as you become more comfortable in the next phase of your life.

You will get through this (you know that) and you will be stronger for it.

I will right more later. I am being forced to log off now. But please take care of yourself.
:hug:

[Shell Beau]

82. Wow, Retro. I don't even know what to say!

My thought and prayers are with you and your kids. I am sorry. Time heals our hearts. I am crying for you. I have read your poems and your thread about "staying together for the kids" I hope your family finds peace and happiness.

[Straight Shooter]

83. I don't know you very well, but I know you have a huge following here.

You get a lotta love from many DU'ers in the Lounge. So I'll let them give you the advice, and I'll just give you a hug. Take care, Retro. You are following the wisdom of your heart, and that is not always an easy path.

:hug:

[jane_pippin]

84. I'm sorry you're both going through this difficult situation.

It sounds like you're both doing the best you can to handle it in the best way possible.

Love and support to you RL. Remember, however strong you think you are, and by the looks of it you're one strong man, you're even stronger than that whether you know it or not. You'll get through it.

:hug:

[lumberingbear]

85. Mr. RL...You are really an amazing person.

Best of luck to you, Mrs RL, and the little RLs.

[Chemical Bill]

86. Congratulations and I'm sorry.

Congratulations that you are mature and intelligent and have the right perspective on this. I'm sorry that it hurts anyway. I'm in the middle of a divorce (no kids). I love my wife, and at the same time I'm angry at her. I will get over the anger and hold the love. I hope your love lasts, and your life changes for the better.

Bill

[Ilsa]

87. Hugs and Peace to you and her and your kids. eom

[Lex]

88. Sorry things are so difficult right now. Believe it or not,

I have a friend going through pretty much the exact same situation right now and she and her husband have carefully made their way through it without becoming enemies and also minimizing the stress on the kids as much as possible.

My best wishes to you, RL, in working through this.

[0007]

89. Check in with Doctor Biber in Trinidad Colorado

and perhaps you and your wife can work things out.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

90. What a level-headed approach to a potentially stormy situation

I'm sorry that your marriage is breaking up, but heartened to hear that neither of you is getting nasty and vindictive.

:hug:

[Floogeldy]

91. Good point.

I'd probably be outta there pretty quick.

Way to hang, RL, and take care of the kiddoes.

[ScreamingMeemie]

92. Retro, You are teaching me a lesson in humility and parenting...

That you have placed the needs and care of your children...and your wife, above your own is something we can all learn from. May the days ahead be as gentle on you as possible. Know that you and your family are in my thoughts. Take care,

~Laura :hug:

[Redstone]

93. It'll get better. Hard for you to believe that right now, but

trust me on this: It will get better for you.

Will take some time, though. So hang in there. Be strong. And use the PM function if you want to talk. I'll be here.

Redstone

[CBHagman]

94. I'm so sorry about this.

What wonderful strength you've shown in taking the steps you've taken, especially your compassion for your wife and your mutual concern for the kids. I wish you all the best.

And do let us know how you're doing.

[Maat]

95. You are a wise, insightful, courageous man, RL.

You will be so happy down the road that you dealt with the situation this way. You will raise healthy kids who know that their parents always have loved, and will love, them enough to deal with things in the best way possible under the circumstances, with honesty and courage.

You have great character.

Please take care of yourself, and know that 'you did good.'

You have our respect and support.

:grouphug:

[no name no slogan]

96. Hang in there buddy

I'm in a similar situation (was married 9 years, together for 10 total, divorce to be final this week- hopefully).

This place is very supportive, and I know we're all hoping and praying for the best for you and your family. Take care of yourself and may you soon find peace.

:hug:

[LynzM]

97. Wow, RL...

Considering all that you guys have been going through and working out, I'm very glad to see you in such a relatively calm and peaceful place with this all. No wise words, but lots of love and hugs to offer to you and yours :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

98. RetroLounge - I am not sure my words can help

But please know that you have my unconditional support during this transition and beyond. :hug:

[fortyfeetunder]

99. Your story was indeed touching.

You and your STBX are a class act. I wish you the best in your journey and I am going to recommend this. I wish more separating couples could take your approach through this difficult situation.

:hug:

[RetroLounge]

100. Just wanted to say something here...

MrsRL and I just got done reading the responses to this thread together and we are both filled with tears and gratitude at the love and understanding extended to us from you fabulous people here in the lounge.

Thank you all from the bottoms of our hearts...

Much love and :grouphug:

RL & MrsRL (and the little RL's too...)

[Rhiannon12866]

101. Thank you for sharing this with us, as well.

It sounds as if you both are on the right track, if you can discuss this so openly, let alone allow your DU friends into your lives with advice and good wishes. Good luck to you both, my friend, and please keep us posted.:-)

Rhiannon:hug:

[grace0418]

102. I hope it's not to late to offer my

full support and complete admiration for the way you're handling this difficult situation. I wish you both the very best.

xo

[faithnotgreed]

109. may i add my best wishes

and want very much to say that you have handled and shared this with such integrity

i have somewhat followed this here in the lounge
seeing your words touched me but when you said you sent up a prayer to whomever/whatever i felt such humility and pure love from you (and the situation you are each going through).

your children are so very fortunate to have such love in their lives. and yes it must have been very difficult for all of you but im glad it has been resolved in a form that leads to greater understanding and humanity

may love and kindness continue in all your lives

[redqueen]

103. Good luck.

[texas1928]

104. Come on down to Texas bud and we will start a campfire...

and drink some beers and you can talk about anything you want.

[Taverner]

105. You're a good man, RetroLounge

I wish you all the love and support I can send in on a computer...

Good luck and keep being strong.

[MissMillie]

106. All I can give you

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I have no words of wisdom, and no advice. All I can offer is my shoulder, and my love, and my prayers.

[CAcyclist]

107. That was touching

:hug:

[wildhorses]

108. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

:hug:

[Callalily]

110. I can not possibly expand

on the wonderful testimonials and accolades given you here. All I can say is that you have my deepest admiration for the way you are handling a most difficult situation.
Keep in mind that you and Mrs. RL, and the little RL's are in our thoughts and prayers. Draw from our strength when you feel the need.

[MsUSA]

111. *hugs*

and thank you for sharing. Can't say anything better or what someone else hasn't already said. *hugs* and loving thoughts are with you, fellow Wisconsinite. :hug: :grouphug:

[kmla]

112. Best wishes and good luck.

My prayers are with you as well....