Someone Very Close to Me Tested HIV+ today

[La Lioness Priyanka]

if anyone has had any experience dealing with this....in any form...please let me know.

pri

[xmas74]

1. A close friend, yes.

Just be there for support.
Someone closer-no. But I was bitten once when I worked in a mental hospital by a patient who was HIV+. Scariest 6 months of my life! If you are concerned for yourself, get tested now and again in six months (that's what they used to tell you). I put myself, my friends and even my family through hell during that time. And get therapy. Talk it out.

[swimboy]

2. I can't improve on the excellent advice from xmas

but I wanted you to know I'm sorry. That changes a person's life but it's a better prognosis than it used to be. Counseling is a good thing. :hug:

[crispini]

3. You know, I'll be following this thread too.

Because someone close to me -- not a romantic involvement -- recently tested HIV+ as well.

I'm still, secretly, very angry with him for being so darn irresponsible as to have unprotected sex. It is, after all, 2005, not 1985, and he is almost 30 years old. I haven't said anything and I may never say anything to him, because I feel awful about my anger, but right now that is what I feel.

[jonnyblitz]

4. this thread is cross posted in the GLBT forum also

FYI :hi:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=221&topic_id=24549&mesg_id=24549

[crispini]

5. Thank you!

:hi:

[LynzM]

6. Lioness, you could also post in the chronic illness forum....

At least one person in there has experience with this, perhaps more. I don't have any advice to offer personally, but some hugs :hug: :hug: :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

7. I lost one of my cousins in 1990 to AIDS

We were very close, and I am still very sad about his passing.

:cry:

Please be gentle with yourself, and be there for your friend.

[supernova]

8. Oh sweety

I'm so sorry for your friend. It's going to take some adjustements. But there are treatments to try now.

If your friend is financially strapped urge him/her to get up with a social worker. A good social worker can help them navigate useful community services.

And yes, please get tested yourself, if it's appropriate. :hug:

[Shine]

9. I don't have any personal experience with this, pri, but I wanted

to offer you my moral support and caring thoughts.
Best to you and your friend.
:hug:

Shine

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. thank you everyone

i just wanted to clarify that this is not a person i am romantically/intimately involved with...its nto that kind of relationship

its unfortunately however a person i love far more than anyone i am romantic/intimate with

pri

[Texasgal]

11. I am so sorry.

:hug:

Being diagnosed with HIV is horrible news, but just know that so many strides have been made in the medical community. HIV has become a disease that people can live with. Much like diabetics, it is fast becoming more manageable.

I lost my best friend to HIV 12 years ago. The one main piece of advice that I can give you, is to continue to be a good friend, keep things as normal as possible. The one thing my friend told me before he passed away was that when he was diagnosed, his life changed. He never felt the same and people treated him differently. He said that all he really wanted was everything to be "normal". Sadly, it never was.

I am so sorry to hear your news. I am putting in some good thoughts for you and your friend.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

13. thanks...if we can get through the next few months

without falling apart...i will be grateful

[lukasahero]

12. I know it's scary

My situation sounds similar to your's - my "best eva" friend was diagnosed HIV+ about 6 years ago. I know it's scary but it's not the "death sentence" it used to be.

Hopefully your friend has some kind of health insurance because that's one of the biggest hurdles in staying healthy. If he does, encourage him to stay on his medication - and stay on him with that - he may get tired (worn down, is how my friend puts it) of ALWAYS having to "be good".

If he doesn't, help him do some research (or do it for him) on what he can get or what programs he qualifies for. There is help available even for those without insurance but he may not be up to looking for it yet.

Other than that, listen (but don't badger if he doesn't want to talk) and most importantly, don't be afraid of him - you can't fake that. And don't treat him like he's dying - he's not (any more than the rest of us are).

Oh and finally, maybe give him lots of these: :hug:

And :hug: to you.

[Oeditpus Rex]

14. A good friend of mine had AIDS and died in 1992

I hadn't seen him for a couple of years at that point, and when I found out, I was angry — that I didn't know, that I couldn't give him support before he died, but mostly that if he was gay, he didn't trust me enough to tell me. (I don't assume he was gay; I'm saying if he was.)

I know a lot of that's selfish, but it's how I felt.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

15. i am angry that he was so fucking dumb

i also want to hold him and wish i could make it go away

[Oeditpus Rex]

17. Yeah

I know. :cry:

:hug:

[Chemical Bill]

16. I'm sorry.

It's hard. The people I know who have lived the longest, and have had the best lives, all have positive attitudes. They are willing to do whatever it takes, including eating a healthy diet, some sort of meditation, and doing much research as to the medical treatments, etc. The people I've known who died quickly were in denial up to the end (or they were among the first people to get diagnosed, and had no clue what they were up against).

In 1987 or so I went to a lecture by a guy named Louie Nassanny (sp?). He had at that point lived for ten years after being diagnosed with AIDS. He went down the list of diet, herbs, and supplements that he took (this was at a health food convention). But then he said that he had a friend who lived just as long as he, only eating Mrs. Field's Cookies and drinking Coke. The point was, it's the attitude that makes the biggest difference.


Bill

[tinfoilinfor2005]

18. Yes, I am a retired nurse, and I had many HIV patients when

I was actively nursing, several who became close friends. I would offer one piece of advice that could extend your friend's life: People with HIV go through the five stages of grieving, and sometimes get stuck in the stage of denial, especially if they are feeling pretty well and without many symptoms. This can be a dangerous time because some people get lax on taking medications and going for lab draws. One of my dearest friends died years too soon simply for that reason. He started feeling "normal" and neglected his care, until he was beyond the point of return. If you have any suspicions that this might be happening to your friend, start a family/friend intervention quickly.

[catmother]

19. yes. i know more people who died of AIDS that have died from

other causes.

a very close friend of mine was HIV positive. we met in 1988 and he had been diagnosed 2-1/2 years earlier. he went to a holistic doctor and received ozone therapy. brought his T cells up. then the government was cracking down on ozone and he couldn't get it and got very ill. then he found a place that did it and the T-cells went way up in normal range. unfortunately he developed cardiac myopothy which could have been genetic but also could have come from the virus. he was doing great and then on 9/12/01 he and his long time companion were sitting and talking about how lucky they were that they were not in the city the day before (they kept an apartment there) anyway my friends eyes rolled up in his head and he was dead. everything stopped at once, heart activity, brain. he was the nicest, kindest person i have ever met in my life. i was very fortunate to have his friendship for 13 years. and i was never ever careful with him, we would drink out of the same glass, eat off the same spoon. i think i knew in my gut from the time AIDS came about that it was not transmitted by mouth.

i also did volunteer work for Shanti -- advocates for people with HIV and AIDS. i also worked with 4 people who died of AIDS. one was a VP for a large phone company. when he got sick no one knew what it was. it was still a mystery illness. he was diagnosed with so many different things, but eventually the AIDS.

on edit: i see that you're in new york. there are many alternative doctors there that can help. i moved away in 89, but my friend used to see Dr. Ronald Hoffman. don't know if he's still practising. he was also my doctor.

today it is not a death sentence. there are many anti virals and cocktails and people are living. your friend has to take the medication and keep his immune system as strong as possible -- healthy eating, etc. and let him/her know that you are there and you care.

[Ladyhawk]

20. I'm sorry. That's gotta be scary as hell. :( :( :(

:hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

21. i am angry and sad and panicky

i cant eat..if i do i throw up

i cant sleep

and i wonder how life will go on

[XemaSab]

23. Life will go on

How can any of us know how long we have?

I have friends who have been prostitutes. I have friends who have been addicted to crack and heroin, and I had a friend overdose on heroin this summer and die.

I've got many gay friends, and I have to trust them to be safe.

I've got got friends who are rafting guides and nurses and firemen and all kinds of dangerous occupations.

We could all die tomorrow at our computers, like Kephra.

HIV in America is not the death sentance it once was. Your friend could outlive you, and any of us.

And life goes on.

[Ladyhawk]

25. Being diagnosed HIV+ doesn't have to be the end these days,

but they sure do have to throw a lot of expensive drugs at it. :(

After awhile, the panic should wear itself out. If it doesn't, see a doc. A few Klonopin or Ativan or Valium pills certainly won't hurt to break the cycle. Once the panic is under control, you'll be able to assess the situation a bit better. Yeah, it really sucks. It hurts. It's going to be hard. But you will get through it!

Your friend will need you in non-panic mode. :hug: Take care of yourself or you won't be able to help your friend.

BIG HUGS, OK? :)

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Wapsie B]

22. Lioness I am so sorry.

I can't offer any other help or suggestions than what's already out there. You and your friend are in my prayers.

[gardenista]

24. First, I'm very sorry.

Second, I want to say to you with all my heart that there is hope, and that I know people who have lived with HIV since the early 90's, and they are still living rich lives.

I have also lost many friends, and that is also something you need to prepare yourself for emotionally.

The best advice I can give you is to simply be with them when they want or need you to be, and let them alone when they need to be let alone.

This is a massive thing to grapple with, and it can be completely overwhelming for a person who has just tested positive.

Just be a friend.

I know you are a good one.

:hug:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

26. I sent you info via pm

and have a friend who is a biochemist who is on the drugs and can explain the various treatment regimens to him and to you. Hope it is of assistance.