Oh I fucked up big time

[khashka]

I told my mom I was married and have a daughter.

Sure I've said it here, it's mostly anonymous.

But for some reason this has always been so personal, so private. I know that's odd.I never told my friends, I never told my family.

Ask me about my sex life, my finances - you'll get more detail than you want.But my marriage, my divorce, my daughter - yeah I do talk about them, but you'll never know what it cost me to say the things I have said. Because that's mine, damnit! My wife, my daughter, my marriage, my divorce - that's mine! None of it's bad, put it's very private - I don't want to share it.

So what do I do now? Deny it? Introduce my mom to her 20 year old granddaughter?

Actually, I'm probably gonna go with "Fuck it! You thought I was serious!" Although I love my parents very much, I do not want them in my daughter's life.

So what do I do now? 20 years later I admit the lie. Now what?

Khash.

[Heidi]

1. Oh, khash.

:hug:

Now that your daughter's 20, don't you think _she_ should be deciding whether she wants your parents in her life? (I only ask this because I'm adopted and was "protected" from my biological family, but only until I was old enough to decide for myself.)

You are loved. :hug:

[XemaSab]

2. Think about it from your daughter's perspective

Hiding things from your mom is one thing, but your daughter deserves to know the rest of her family.

[SeattleGirl]

3. Well, on one hand, it's your story to tell or not

But I agree with Heidi -- your daughter is a young woman, and should be given the opportunity to make her own decision. She can have a relationship with your mom separate from you. Good luck on this.

[merh]

4. The others are right khashka.

It is not just your life, it is your daughter's life. She should have the option of knowing all of her family.

I only knew one grandparent and that was my grandmother. She died when I was 11. :(

I would give anything to have known the others.

[hickman1937]

5. Don't discuss it. It's out but it's still your business.

Your daughter is old enough to contact them, or not, and that's her business. I have never believed that people I love get to own all of my life. They get to own whatever I give them. My life is mine, it's all I've ever really owned.

[MrSlayer]

6. I don't know you so I have to ask why you kept it from them.

It would seem to me that in order to keep your child a secret on purpose you must think them to be terrible people.

[khashka]

7. Yeah, good advice from everyone

It's Ally's choice, not mine.

I need to talk to her and more importantly LISTEN to her. What she wants and needs is what is most important.

But I just can't switch off the full-throttle over-protective dad thing. It doesn't matter that she's a grown woman - she's still my baby.
And, I'm trying to cover my ass as well.

But this news did not go over well. And I don't want my daughter to have any part in it.

Khash.

[SeattleGirl]

8. Understandable, kash

Again, I hope this all works out for the best. :hug:

[Swamp Rat]

9. I hope it goes well for all of you.

:)