I just got an "I just want to be friends" email.

[Radical Activist]

God I'm so sick of that. No, I have no interest in debasing myself by spending lots of time and developing more feelings for someone who doesn't think I'm attractive enough to sleep with on a regular basis. Piss off.

[GOPisEvil]

1. If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that...

...I could support W's cocaine habit (allegedly).

[djeseru]

2. Since we're friends,

could you buy me some? :P

[GOPisEvil]

4. My Super Bowl party will be a rockin' time...

...just sayin'...

:P

Edit - there's also a chance for snow. :silly:

[djeseru]

18. Yay!

I'll bring my mittens. :silly:

[GOPisEvil]

19. !

:rofl:

Today is your day! :D

[djeseru]

23. Twice? In one day?

I love trading! :D

[GOPisEvil]

24. Perhaps it's just my day to need a good laugh.

Although, it's been a good day. :D

I need to step things up tomorrow.

[Radical Activist]

3. Its the eternal fate of "nice guys"

who don't treat women like shit.

[redqueen]

7. .

[Radical Activist]

9. Yeah, that sh*t again

because that's how it is.

[redqueen]

14. Actually no, it's not.

But carry on with the excuse making, if that's what you prefer. Won't get you anywhere, but... good luck with that.

[GOPisEvil]

10. I think that's crap.

I am going to live my life the way I want. I'd rather be alone than be a dick.

[Radical Activist]

12. Me too.

That's why I'm often alone.

[GOPisEvil]

17. Well, I don't think you should assume that this woman wants a "bad boy".

What's your basis for this assumption?

[skygazer]

11. By assuming that any woman who doesn't want to date you

Would prefer that she were treated like shit by someone else, you have successfully proven that you're not as nice a guy as you think you are.

[redqueen]

15. Amen. n/t

[Radical Activist]

16. Sure. makes sense.

:eyes:

[NewJeffCT]

13. nice guys in their 20s

Throughout my 20s, I was always the nice guy, too. (Before my 20s, I was too shy to ask a woman out)

However, things changed when I reached my 30s and I got married to a very attractive woman.

Things really changed after my divorce, however. Suddenly, I was dating several women a week, from really hot college women who wouldn't give me the time of day when I was in college or in my 20s to very intelligent professional women around my own age.

So, I just say "patience" grasshopper.

[no name no slogan]

36. Damn, dude, I hear you loud and clear!

After I first split from my ex, I went on several dates a week-- nothing serious, just an excuse to get out and have a good time. Also, it was a good self-esteem booster-- I was still desirable company, despite what my ex said.

Funny how that works. :D

[EstimatedProphet]

30. Not 'eternal'

I got it a lot-I mean A LOT-and now that I have my partner I know why. When a real good relationship comes along, all the other ones just look silly in comparison. They're hard to find, but a really good one is that much better.

[Radical Activist]

31. True.

I know that. Its not all women and I'm sure that most women who do that eventually grow out of that phase. Its just a pain in the ass in the mean time. :)

[EstimatedProphet]

32. That I understand

It's very frustrating to keep getting emotionally involved, just to have it collapse.

I know in my case, it was because I was looking at the wrong kind of woman. I was interested in women who were very attention-hungry, because they wuold start off by paying excessive attention to me, and it would fool me into thinking they were interested in me when they just wanted attention. when I was able to step back and see that behavior, it made a huge difference.

[WolverineDG]

41. it happens to "nice girls" too

if i had a dime for everyone who told me "guys aren't interested in you right now, but when they want to settle down, they'll call." bullshit. never happened. instead, i get the "you're nice, but as a friend," then have to listen to the idiot whine about how some girl treated him like trash & then he wonders why i hang up when he does that.

dg

[Redstone]

5. That's fair.

Redstone

[ZombieNixon]

6. Ooooh!

:popcorn:

[Name removed]

8. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Shine]

20. I say chalk it up to "Experience" and move on.

your anger at her does not serve you. :hug:

[Radical Activist]

21. Of course, of course.

And its more anger at the last woman that gave me that line and then spent the next 6 months toying with my heart and playing mind games. I'm sick of it and I'm not playing that game again.

[skygazer]

22. Then don't play it

But also don't assume that this woman is going to play the same game. Or that ALL women who use that line are going to play the same game. Or that ALL women like to be treated like shit.

Has there ever been a time in your life that you've done something you probably shouldn't have? Would it be fair for women to judge every other guy in the world by that one thing? No.

Okay, SOME women play stupid games (some men do, too, by the way). SOME women like bad boys (and some men like bad girls, by the way).

Generalizations do no one any good. And we've heard that line so many times - "it doesn't pay to be a nice guy because women like to be treated like shit." That's unfair and untrue and it's really irritating to those of us women who HAVE been treated like shit and didn't like it one little bit.

Be a nice guy. Be whoever you really are. Obviously, this wasn't the right one. It's good that you found that out before you married her, right? Come on, don't be bitter. Cheer up. Have you heard that joke about the brazilians? I could tell it to you.... :bounce:

[Shine]

25. I'm sorry you're bummed out.

Maybe with some time and distance you may be able to "just be friends" with her down the line, but for right now, I can completely understand why you don't want to get caught by that notion. It can be tricky to maintain those boundaries at first, esp if you've already been lovers with her. Time and distance helps....

and Big Picture,think of it this way: You are learning what you DO and DON'T want in relationship....and that's a good thing. You're gaining Clarity through Experience. :thumbsup:

[Radical Activist]

28. Thanks.

Its frustrating because its so difficult to meet someone with the qualities I like in this town and she is one of the few I've met in a while. It wasn't that serious though and I'll get over it. Just dissapointing.

[HEyHEY]

26. I hope that's what you sent back n/t

[Radical Activist]

27. No. lol

I was nicer and more brief than that but I think it got the same general point across.

[Texasgal]

29. Your anger kinda says it all...

Really.

[GRLMGC]

33. E-mail? That's wrong

You're better off :)

[Radical Activist]

37. damn right its wrong.

Ok, it wasn't a long term relationship or anything but she could have at least called.

[GRLMGC]

38. Believe, I know how cold that is

Some guy i really liked propositioned me for sex on AIM! After I told him how I felt about him, he made it clear that he wasn't interested in any relationship based on anything but sex. I mean, AIM and E-mail are so impersonal and make the person being rejected feel even worse.

[Ariana Celeste]

34. I'm sorry hun.

:hug:

I think that's pretty fucking lame. I've gotten that line, and it really bothered me, too. The line I used when I had to break it off with someone, was "I just don't see this working out." If they wanted reasons, I'd talk about it. If they wanted to hate my guts and not talk to me, that was fine.

I hope you feel better soon. Relax, do something you enjoy, maybe go out to one of those fun bars you mentioned in that other thread. :)

[Radical Activist]

43. That's so much better.

That's what I do, but sometimes I have a hard time telling someone why I'm not attracted to them. Still, its better than some "you'd make a great friend" BS.

Bars it is!

[PittPoliSci]

35. oh i know how you feel man!

[Guava Jelly]

39. Wanna know whats worse than that????

I love you but I'm not in love with you..................................
trust me ya got off lite..
Don't worry the right fish should eventually bite.
I been casting for a bit now.
Ignore the nibbles(I just want to be friends)

[Radical Activist]

40. Oh you're right. That's even worse!

Someone said that to me once, but luckily I didn't care because I didn't love her, nor was I in love with her. Anyone over age 15 that says that line needs to be neutered.

[hfojvt]

42. then I have you trumped

I just sent a good-bye email.
I don't even want to be friends.

For some reason though, it does not feel good.

[Radical Activist]

44. I'd prefer that.

Its more honest.
Still, if it lasted more than a few weeks then pick up the freaking phone.

[hfojvt]

46. it lasted something like a year

sorta, but I never got her phone number.

[Deja Q]

45. It's not attractiveness. It's personality conflict or monetary shortage.

If personality wasn't an issue, you'd be fucking forever.

Breakups happen for one of two reasons, in order of "justification of breakup":

1. Personality (ultimately too different.)
2. Money (usually lack of)

Looks would be #3, except any relationship lasting THAT long in the first place would surely transcend such idiocy? Emotional love is important.