I'll be happy never to see another bottle of French wine ever again

[Fenris]

A few weeks ago, I was offered a small job. In exchange for a rather generous by-the-hour sum of money, I (along with an accomplice) was to inventory and organize a lawyer's wine collection. Being the listless, jobless type, I decided that the offer was just too good to pass up and I immediately agreed to the terms. As I was barely employeed with his associate, my girlfriends mother, cleaning out bookshelves full of outdated, worthless law books and doing research and analyzation, so it was clear I could use the money. And besides, how difficult could this job be?

Well, as it turned out, this particular lawyer had a refridgerator-sized wine cooler in his dining room which held around 220 bottles of wine. After I took all of the bottles out it became clear that I was going to have a rough time taking inventory because over half of the bottles were in French and despite being from Cajun stock, I spoke not a word of the language (I took Advanced Placement German...why the Hell couldn't he drink German wine?:D). The California wines were knocked out in very little time, since most of the wines came from the same private vinyard. Then there were three bottles of Italian wine - easy enough. Then came the French. I remembered him saying that he wanted all the bottles marked Grand Cru to be put in the back so "guests" in his home would not easily find them. Done and done. But then came the others. Some were marked 1er Cru or Premier Cru, most were marked with a series of confusing names. Using my inferior intellect, I wrote down whatever I thought was necessary. I had no idea what any of these names meant, but dammit, they looked useful. After taking stock, I organized the wines in the cooler from youngest on the bottom to oldest at the top. I was done for the day. All I had to do was type up a list of what he had.

The next day I show up and he has a shopping bag full of documents. Some are loose, some are stapled, some are catalogs, and there are several copies of the Wine Advocate. He tells me that I am to go through all of these papers and find the descriptions of the wines he owns. Then I am to write them down on a spreadsheet along with all of this information from the wine bottles (much of which, I found out, was, ahem, overlooked). So I started searching catalog after catalog looking for the wines. But when I do find them, I realize I don't have enough information to tell what they are, because the wine makers produce multiple versions of similarly-named wine. I am shit out of luck.

So here I am, searching through back catalogs of North Berkely Wine in hopes of finding what I am looking for. And I hate wine. I mean with a passion. This is so tedious and difficult, much harder than it should be. And I assume that's why he pays kids to do it: it sucks.

C'est la vie

;-)

[realFedUp]

1. Drinking it is so much more pleasurable

Sounds like you're doing a good job...maybe a local wine shop
could help you out or Wine Spectator online. Taking a polaroid of
each label might help and placing it on the documents you locate.

[Fenris]

2. Thanks for the advice

I have been using dictionary.com's translator to try to work out the words. Tough.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

3. ROFL as one who keeps a wine cellar I am laughing my ASS OFF!

A little clue for you if you haven't already figured out. Most of the valuable wines he has should have registration numbers on the back tha more accurately identify them. It is easier to go to Parker's site on the internet where there is a great deal of info, and that may help you better.

[Fenris]

4. Hey, thanks, NSMA!

I'll look for that!

Go ahead and laugh! Come-upin's will be heading your way eventually! Karma!!:D

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

9. Oh darlin! I ain't laughin at you but ..well ....with you.should you ever

decide to laugh about it. I am not one of your more anal wine enthusiasts but I do realize they exist.

[Fenris]

14. Oh! Well then, nothing but good Karma!

And yes, they do exist, though this guy is definately not one of them. Inept might be the proper word for his type.

[stopbush]

5. Happening To Love French Wine

as I do, I feel sorry for you in this situation.

What your post implies is that this guy most likely has NO concept of what good wine is...he wouldn't know a Latour from a bottle of Ripple. From your description, I'd guess that he's purchased some expensive bottles as an investment, ie: it's not like he's a wine lover, let alone an expert.

Most wine lovers that I know are obsessive about every single bottle they're holding. They have their everyday wines, and they have those that they'll finally consume when Armaggedon descends. But no wine lover - in fact, no collector or appreciater of ANYTHING - draws a blank like the guy you're working for. I know that if I had some great wines sitting in a cellar that I wouldn't allow anyone - let alone a complete stranger - to handle and risk dropping a $2,000 bottle of the good stuff!

Here's a tip - do the research, and then offer to buy from him the stuff that you've discovered is "trash" for, say, $5 a bottle for that case of "lousy Chateau Petrus Pomerol 2000". Of course, you'll actually buy up all the really good stuff and leave him the Andre cold duck!

[Fenris]

6. I have a question (this is for everyone)

Have you EVER heard of anyone putting red wine in a cooler and letting it age there? Due to my lack of knowledge, I cannot be sure, but I am nearly certain this is no good.

AND I also happen to agree with you on the lawyer. I understand he does not drink. His secretary said he gave her a bottle and it tasted awful.

[Robb]

11. Sort of depends

Red wine is sensitive to temperature, so constant temp as you might get in a cooler is good.... assuming it's not a crappy one, and it's not set too low. "Cellar temperature" is what you're after, or "just a little cool".

More concerning (usually) is humidity. Very low or very high humidity wreaks havoc on corks -- which are the only thing between your good stuff and vinegar, over time. A fridge without a humidity control will dry the hooey (to get technical) out of a cork, exposing the wine to the air, and disaster.

Try not to get too down; think of all this as an opportunity to get to know something about French wine. Myself and Ms. Robb are drinking ONLY French wine these days -- our little grass-roots action. It can be fun -- although probably in your case only in hindsight.

I also like the idea of offering to buy the "junk" afterwards. :)

[Fenris]

13. Well, this is Texas, so I suppose the temp regulation helps

But when I got there it was set to something like 55 degrees, which I thought was a little cold for red wine. Oh, who knows. This place is so humid it probably saves the wines from tasting like piss.

:D

[Gingersnap]

18. that's a fine temp for storing red wine

you would want to take it out several hours before serving so it gets to room temperature before drinking though. My husband and I are into California wines and have a cooler too--it's not good to store them at LA summer temps (in the 90s).

But the guy sounds like a wine wannabe. No winelover I know would buy all those wines without knowing something about them and it's odd that he hasn't already sorted his collection by "saving for later," and "drink now" and then by region and grape. I mean, we aren't anal (no spreadsheets) but we do that every time we put a new wine in the cooler.

I say, offer to buy a couple of the "bad" bottles! Doesn't sound like he'll know the difference.

[mitchum]

7. Sounds like a perfect opportunity for pilfering...

since he has no idea what he owns

[mmm]

8. Not a man alive has mastered the wines of Bordeaux

let alone those of Burgundy, Alsace, The Loire, Cognac,
The Rhone, Champagne, and Languedoc. I cellar over 2000 bottles:
there is no way I would allow anyone else to organize my
cellar. It would be impossible. Keep in mind, also, that some of the
wines you mentioned must be cellared ten years to maturity.
Many (New Castle of the Pope or The Roasted Slopes, for instance)
should be cellared at least four years for my taste.
I could go on about this forever - but who would read it :)

Sounds like this guy knows the price of everything and the value
of nothing.

[opihimoimoi]

10. No one said you had to luv the job. Just do it, drink some, and reeeelax.

mo bettah no whine, people going tink you one lolo guy.

[ZenLefty]

12. There are many ways to enjoy french wine

That's not one of them. :thumbsdown:

[Sushi_lover]

15. sounds like a great job for a wine lover

J'aime le vin francais. J'adore veille vignes Gamay. (Ce sont beaujolais. Mon dieux, j'ai soif.)

[Fenris]

17. No! I can't speak Freedom! You must stop!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Ratty]

16. Really hate french wine

When I used to drink wine that is. Every kind I ever tried just seemed so weak and tasteless. Especially the reds. Blah. Is red wine really supposed to be so tasteless. I guess its subtlety was lost on me. Maybe I'd grown too accustomed to tanins.

I really only ever liked expensive California wines.

[trof]

19. My best wine story:

TWA, First Class
I'm on an employee pass.
The cabin attendant come down the aisle offering wine.
Has a bottle of white in one hand, red in the other.
Stops by the guy in front of me.
"White, red, or rose'?"
"Rose'."
And she pours him half a glass of red and tops it up with white.
Viola!