How am I suppose to react to this?

[serryjw]

I have a 'friend' that is at my supermarket. He is around 50, married and is sooooooooooo well read I enjoy talking to him about politics. We compare info, print him stuff from the Internet. We have never seen each other outside of work. There is nothing going on except a political friend. He gave me a note today that our 'friendship' needs to end because his wife is jealous!

This is too strange for words.....what do I say?

[Droopy]

1. I don't know if there's anything you can say

[rug]

2. She is jealous of your well-formed mind.

[skygazer]

3. "Sucks to be you"?

I don't know - I've never understood jealousy like that. I once lost a job because the guy I worked for didn't like him having a woman in his kennel. As if, just because you're the opposite sex, something has got to be going on.

[Patiod]

19. Why? Do women tend to chew through the bars?

I don't like women in kennels either....

[auntAgonist]

4. respect his wishes, there really isn't anything you can say.

It's his issue. He is obviously doing what he feels is right, OR what needs to be done.

There will be more friends :) I'm sorry you're losing this one though.

:hug:

aA

[serryjw]

7. So am I ...he is a

walking encyclopedia. I thought I knew what was going on....he puts me to shame. I guess I don't understand jealousy. Especially when we never left the store??

[riderinthestorm]

8. Playing the devil's advocate, perhaps the wife has reason to be jealous?

That is NOT dissing you. It means the husband may be crossing mental and emotional boundaries that are ringing the relationship alarm bells.

I had a friend whose husband did this: he would just go on and on about this woman at work. It was obvious after hearing him wax rhapsodic, that he was really spending a lot of inappropriate effort and energy with his friend and his relationship with his wife was suffering in comparison. They finally went to counseling and it came out there how intensely this guy felt about his "friend". It was a rocky patch for them for sure, even though nothing inappropriate ever happened physically.

The wife may be a jealous bitch.

Or your friend may be behaving badly at home because of your friendship.

[serryjw]

9. They've been married 25 years

they aren't kids. I find it sad that people in marriage can't have friends of the opposite sex. I probably see him an hour a week in a public place. How can a marriage survive with such mistrust?

[riderinthestorm]

10. I don't think marriage longevity guarantees marital bliss

My friend and her husband hit their rocky patch 18 years into it.

Anyway, you didn't say in your OP that your friend's wife won't allow him any female friends. Then she's just a jealous bitch! It's really surprising they are still together - that guy is pussy-whipped!!!!!

My husband's profession is almost 100% women - he is surrounded day and night, frequently taking long business trips with them. Our 24th wedding anniversary is coming up - I can't even imagine our lives without his wonderful women friends. They enrich our life immeasurably and I trust him implicitly.

But as I said, I know someone personally who ran into this problem - and her husband was being shitty so it can happen.

[serryjw]

11. Sorry, I don't KNOW of any female

friends...since I am not one. We have NO contact outside of my shopping at the supermarket he works at. Over last 3 years we have exchanged ONLY political info, nothing else. I have no idea WHY anyone would think I am someone to worry about??

[riderinthestorm]

12. Ok, sorry, I'm confused

I thought your profile stated that you were a woman. And I got from your OP that you were his friend. Sorry about that!!

:blush:

Look, clearly I'm not stating this very well but for whatever it's worth, I proferred that MAYBE the reason the guy's wife is asking him to cut off the weekly chit chat is because the guy/husband is inappropriately fantasizing about you at home. Your "friendship" with him is innocuous but his "friendship" with you isn't.

This guy's wife is probably a jealous bitch. Fine. I was trying to articulate another perspective that I had seen up close and personal with a friend of mine and her husband.

[serryjw]

17. I am a female

but that is why I put 'friendship' in quotes. What do you call some one of the opposite sex that you discuss politics in a public place?

proferred that MAYBE the reason the guy's wife is asking him to cut off the weekly chit chat is because the guy/husband is inappropriately fantasizing about you at home. Your "friendship" with him is innocuous but his "friendship" with you isn't.
You maybe right. I have no idea here this all came from, so your thoughts are as good a guess as any...thanks

[riderinthestorm]

5. There isn't anything you can say

Clearly the husband and wife are having problems and she is reacting to outside forces SHE perceives as threatening. When/if their relationship issues are resolved, he may be given a looser rein. But for now, clearly either she feels as though their relationship is threatened or their relationship truly is threatened.

It actually MAY be you (not that this is your fault). You have no idea how your relationship with this guy has been "represented" to the wife. He may be placing a lot more emphasis on your relationship than you, and the wife senses that.

Be a REAL friend. Back off. Tell him when/if he and his wife are on steadier ground you will be there for him (armed with some kick ass political jokes!)

[bigwillq]

6. End it.

Although it's a harmless friendship, it's not worth risking his marriage over it.
It's his wife's problem and it's a shame you have to lose a friend over this but I feel like that's the right thing to do.

[philosophie_en_rose]

13. It's not about you.

There's something going on in their marriage that has caused serious trust issues.

I don't know what you can do, except to be more distant. I think it would be fair for you to say something to him, like - "I have no idea what's going on; I don't think I've done anything to be sorry about, but I respect your wishes." (If that's what you're thinking, I don't want to put words into your mouth).

Basically, it's his loss.

[SOteric]

14. Laugh it off and find a new friend to talk politics with.

It's nothing you've done, he's just married an insecure woman. I actually had something like this happen to me recently, as well. It sucks, but it's not the end of the world.

[rucky]

15. what else can you do, really?

:shrug:

[pitohui]

16. you don't say anything, you let him go

if there is really nothing going on, you will find other friends -- better friends -- friends that you can see outside the supermarket and life will go on

if there is something going on, such as, the dude has a crush on you or his wife is a psycho-bitch, it needs to end since he's married and her wishes have to come before the wishes of some person he hangs out w. at the supermarket

[mac56]

18. It's a shame, but

it appears he's got a more vivid idea about what's happening in your friendship than what is actually going on.

Some distance is probably a good idea right now.