Study: Social isolation growing in U.S.

[Deja Q]

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/13493733/

Americans are far more socially isolated today than they were two decades ago, and a sharply growing number of people say they have no one in whom they can confide, according to a comprehensive new evaluation of the decline of social ties in the United States.

A quarter of Americans say they have no one with whom they can discuss personal troubles, more than double the number who were similarly isolated in 1985. Overall, the number of people Americans have in their closest circle of confidants has dropped from around three to about two.

The comprehensive new study paints a sobering picture of an increasingly fragmented America, where intimate social ties -- once seen as an integral part of daily life and associated with a host of psychological and civic benefits -- are shrinking or nonexistent. In bad times, far more people appear to suffer alone.

SNIP

No one to turn to
If close social relationships support people in the same way that beams hold up buildings, more and more Americans appear to be dependent on a single beam.

SNIP

Television is a big part of the problem, he contends. Whereas 5 percent of U.S. households in 1950 owned television sets, 95 percent did a decade later.

Article has more.

And they're right. We willfully separate ourselves with tv, radio, ipods, headphones, rumors. We are a separatist society. And that isn't 1/10th the tip of the tip of the iceberg. Internet is arguable, but no doubt those of you who have met me in the real world have noticed I'm a slightly different person to the unrestrained, extroverted weirdo online. :7 I'm more or less, a scared and timid weirdo, but nonetheless very different. :D

And this:

"The current structure of workplace regulations assumes everyone works from 9 to 5, five days a week," Putnam said. "If we gave people much more flexibility in their work life, they would use that time to spend more time with their aging mom or best friend."

It'd reduce rush hour and the waste of resources (and pent up frustration) being used on the roads too.

[begin_within]

1. The thing that surprised me the most when I visited China was how everyone

was always talking with everyone else. In an airport waiting room in a small town in southern China, it was a cacophony of a thousand simultaneous conversations. A similar airport in the U.S. would be almost silent with everyone absorbed with magazines or iPods. But in China everyone talks to each other constantly and it seems like everyone in China knows everyone else in China, or at least knows someone who knows them. You can ask anyone about any other Chinese person and they will very likely know who they are or be able to somehow figure out who they are - if we have six degrees of separation in the U.S., they have only 3 or 4 in China. Then when you come back to the U.S., it's a silent nation of strangers.

[ikojo]

5. Ever hear of Jewish geography?

One of my friends, who is far more social than am I, can meet another Jew and seven times out of ten find someone in her family that knows the person to whom she is talking. It's amazing!

I jump for joy knowing that there are few, if any, people in St Louis who have met anyone from my family.

[begin_within]

18. No I hadn't heard of it but that's interesting to know.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

8. Another thing I saw in China was that people were out

socializing on the street. They even set up card games or ping pong matches on the sidewalk, and everyone kibbitzes.

I think America used to be a friendlier place, judging from what used to happen when I was out in public with my grandmother (who died a few years ago at the age of 100). Wherever we went, she'd strike up conversations with other older people--in the grocery line, at restaurants, during intermissions at concerts.

I can't help feeling that if I tried that approach, I'd get the "Ewww, there's one of those people who strikes up conversations with strangers" reaction.

[ikojo]

10. People in China tend to live in apartments where if you

want to do anything outside, it's public. I suspect there is more socializing taking place in places with greater apartment density. In areas where people sit on stoops and such.

Americans are also a fearful people. Americans tend to fear and be suspicious of those deemed to be different from the accepted "mainstream."

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

34. Makes sense...when I lived in an apt complex...

I knew almost all of my neighbors. They were garden apartments, but in the summer, most people had a couple lawn chairs by their front door. I met plenty of neighbors when I was just coming home from work and there was a neighbor grilling stuff up, who then invited me over for a beer and some food. Except for the deranged woman living underneath me, I would have stayed in that complex.

I really enjoy living in a place where I am allowed to WALK past 7pm in my apartment and where I won't get woken up by some bitch banging so hard that the whole place is shaking because an 8lb cat jumped off the bed. It was insane...I couldn't move at all. How much noise could a 104lb barefoot girl make walking across the floor? And I'm a very balanced, light walker too.

[Zookeeper]

14. I love talking to strangers.

I almost always strike up a conversation with a cashier or waitperson. Not so much in other situations, though, since Minnesotans really seem to take the "Don't talk to strangers" warning very seriously.

Mr.Z. and my mom (when she visits) always look amused when we walk into any of three Perkins around here and I know the name of at least one waitperson, where they go to school or how many kids they have.

And I'm an introvert. Go figure.

[kiraboo]

31. Zookeeper, I am the same type of person.

I invariably start up a conversation with whoever I'm near, wherever I am. What is interesting about it, to my mind, is that if you can get somebody to speak about themselves they will very quickly open up and reveal details about their lives that can be quite intimate. But I'm the one who starts the conversation. It doesn't take much! I believe that people are starving for simple human contact but we tend to be either too shy and constrained to make it happen. That or we are incurious about other people, which is a shame because we can learn much from our neighbors.

[Zookeeper]

32. "...starving for simple human contact.."

You are absolutely right, Kiraboo. Some people really don't want to be bothered, but others light up as a result of being kindly acknowledged. The world always feels like a better place to me after having those exchanges (although I'll confess to being a bit more reserved when I'm flying, since there is no place to go if your seatmate ends up being obnoxious).

:toast: :hi:

[ikojo]

2. I think people would get more work done if they

could work at home or put in hours as they saw fit...so what if you take a 90 minute lunch...if you come back refreshed and ready to work more work would get done. Morale would be better.

I'd love to be able to work at home and not have to go into the office. I guess that would not improve my socializing because if I was not at the office then there'd be no one for me to talk to at home, except my cat, Tie Dye, and my roommate's dog, Guido.

I tend not to trust people which might explain why I have few close friends.

[ThomCat]

3. No shit!

I suppose it's nice that they're documenting this, but this could not have come as a surprise to anyone. Really.
:)

[Deja Q]

9. Too many Americans would be too wrapped up in their happy lives to notice

:D

[Lydia Leftcoast]

4. Increased suburbanization is the cause

Get up in your tract house or apartment-in-the-middle-of-the-cornfields, hop into your car, drive to work, work in a cubicle, drive home from work, shop at chain stores or eat at a chain restaurant, drive the kids here and there (if you have them), come home and do household chores, and then collapse in front of the TV. Spend your weekends doing more chores.

That's the life I see among my suburban relatives.

[ikojo]

6. Suburban houses were constructed in such a way

that the backyard, rather than the porch or stoop, became the focus of socialization. Instead of folks sitting on their front porch or stoop, where others can freely stop and say hello and talk about the affairs (some quite literally) of the day, people now confine home based outdoor activity to the backyard where only one's friends are invited. It's not as community oriented.

[caty]

7. I've been hearing for several years

that the day would come when we would hardly ever have to leave our homes. We would work at home and shop for everything, including food, on the internet. Sounds awful. I have to get out of the house everyday or I'd go nuts!:silly:

[ikojo]

11. My mom is retired...she has satellite TV and high

speed Internet. She was married but her husband died in August 2002. In May 2004, she moved from Arizona back to central Illinois to be closer to three of her daughters (I live in St Louis).

My mom has no friends to speak of. When I ask her about going to the senior center and doing things there her response is that everything costs money. I try to tell her that my friends and I do a lot of stuff that doesn't cost anything but it's in one ear and out another. She said she has everything she needs in hour place. Her neighbor works at a grocery store and my mom will even call her at work and ask her to bring things home for her, so her primary reason (other than doctor appointments) for getting out of the house is removed.

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

[serryjw]

17. I FORCE myself to go out

petition. I work out of the house, can order all my groceries that are delivered shop almost totally on the internet,,,,,,,,I stay online or TV for entertainment. I find very few people have anything worthwhile to say!

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

35. I used Peabody' to get my groceries delivered.

I liked it. I only go to supermarkets in the middle of the night and I was living at a place where the supermarket wasn't 24 hours. So I'd get them delivered to my apartment. I don't mind Whole Foods and Trader Joes, but I hate going to Shoprite or something.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

12. Hypno, if you can ever find a .jpg of the Horta's "No Kill I" etched into

the floor of a cave, I will be your friend forever!!!

Is that pic from "Day of the Dove"?

[Deja Q]

13. I'll look that one up for ya!

The pic in my sig line is "The Naked Time". A terrific piece. (don't equate it with the cheap remake TNG did... TOS used its material to intellectual effect... great stuff..)

"Day of the Dove" - I know the perfect pic. (Kang and Kirk looking up and smiling arrogantly at the vampire-like alien that feeds from their hate... that story is one of my all-time faves too.)

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

15. I liked Sulu in his fencing getup. Now don't tell me he didn't set off

your gaydar warning systems even way back then! LOL

[Deja Q]

20. Found it

:hi:

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

21. You ROCK, dude!!!! Thanks!!!

[alarimer]

16. There is also the idea that strangers are dangerous

they are assumed to be so until proven otherwise. Because the media (especially local news) reports on crime as if it happens to everyone all the time, when in fact you are in more danger (statistically speaking) from people you actually know. But we are programmed to fear others.

Another thing is the way neighborhoods are now laid out, with big fences around backyards and no front porches or places in the front where you could sit outside and greet your neighbors. I have noticed this especially in new developments where the houses are so close to each other you can watch your neighbors' tv.


And I think you are right about technology making it easier to separate ourselves from each other. It sure helps me from having to talk to people on planes or having to listen to all their bullshit.

[ikojo]

19. The blurb on CBS News about increased social

isolation said that the "millennial" generation is more comfortable with relationships that exist primarily via text message and online.

I must say that I say more here than I probably would at a meetup. I'm shy in a group I do not know.

[hfojvt]

25. in face to face you gotta wait your turn too

unlike here where everyone can have their turn at the same time. I do not have to wait for you or anyone else to finish talking before I start typing my reply.

[u4ic]

23. Also garages

are now in the front...so you often can't even SEE what's going on in the neighbourhood.

[Odin2005]

22. I grew up in a little rural town of 500 people.

When I moved to Fargo I was disgusted by the comparative isolatedness, you could drop dead and your neighbor wouldn't give a damn.

[u4ic]

24. No one to confide?

Isn't that what therapists are for?

Ya gotta PAY someone to listen to you...:eyes:

[Deja Q]

26. Well, we're told not to listen to other peoples' problems.

Oh, that's depressing. People with problems should be ignored.

Maybe if more people were listened to... :D

[Skittles]

27. it's not just friends

you can do an entire day's worth of errands these days and never talk to a human being - ATMs, phone menus, self-checkout, etc

[RandomKoolzip]

28. Some of us like it that way.

Honestly, I'm kind of a misanthrope. The less human contact I can fit into my day, the happier I am. There's only a few people I enjoy spending time with anyways: my wife, my best friends, my band. I don't consider it a tragedy if I don't talk to another person for an entire 24 hour period...

[alarimer]

29. I think I am with you

I don't want to get to know my neighbors. Judging from the volume of their music, they are fucking assholes. I can't get any work done because of this shit.

[distantearlywarning]

36. Same here.

I used to like other people, but the older I get the less I feel that way. Other people are rude, loud, annoying, and stigmatize anyone who isn't perfect, white, skinny, and Repukelican. They're awful and I hate being around them. They probably feel the same way about me too.

I would be perfectly happy never leaving the house again. Seriously. I have everything I need here. Video games, TV, my husband for sex and intelligent conversation, a weight bench & DDR, I could order take-out food and groceries from the internet and never have to talk to another human on the phone even. I have a few friends, and they could visit me, and then I could kick them out when I wanted to be alone again.

Too bad I have to go to work every day.

I told my husband that if we win the lottery we are buying a nice big house somewhere isolated where I can take at least a year's break from humanity.

[Radical Activist]

30. Suburbs are part of the problem too.

We have communities and stores designed and structured in such a way that encourages isolation and discourages personal contact beyond pre-programmed questions like "Do you want fries with that?"

[khashka]

33. Get over it!

Yes, life is fragmented and difficult. It's the modern condition. And it's only gonna get worse. So we do the best we can to make connections. You have to if you want to survive....

I'm lucky.... I have my ex wife, my daughter, my co-husband, my erstwhile husband, CAPeggy, A VulgarianHue, Kelle. My Lord and Master. It works but it takes work. And as society becomes more fragmented, we have to work harder

We have to adapt ourselves...

Khash.