Joke Time!!! Post 'em if you got 'em

[Fleshdancer]

A little girl was talking to President Bush about whales. Mr. Bush told her that it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human being because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the President reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

Mr. Bush asked, "What if Jonah went to the other place?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

[Broken_Hero]

1. A clinton joke...

One night, during Bill Clintons presidency, he was tired, and exhausted. It was in the middle of winter, and he decided to go take a walk out in the snow. As he was walking around the white house, he noticed something in the snow, off in the distance. When he came upon, what he noticed, he saw "Bill Clinton Sucks" spelled out in the snow, in some sort of yellow substance, and after some tests, Clinton found out it was pee.

Clinton was furious! He couldn't believe, that someone could come onto the White House grounds, and write/pee such a ridiculous message! He stormed to the Secret Service HQ and berated the SS on how lazy they have been, because of this apparent grafiti. Clinton demanded that they find out who did this travesty!

The SS men, jumped up, and did the whole Yes Sir Yes Sir routine, and began their investigation. Clinton meanwhile went back to the oval office.

Two hours later.....

A knock at the Oval Office door, and Clinton booms "come in!" The head of the SS comes into the office, and in a low voice, he says "well, sir, we found out who did it." Clinton is over joyed, and he demands some answers...

Secret Service Agent-"Well sir, we did a dna analysis on the urine, and sir, it's Al Gore's."

Bill Clinton-"OH my god! That man, how dare he, how dare he make fun of me this way!!"

Secret Service Agent-"Sir, we got some more bad news."

Bill Clinton-"And what is that, might I ask?"

Secret Service Agent-"Well, sir...hmm, the handwriting was Hilary's".....

[Fleshdancer]

2. rofl

:rofl:

[dubeskin]

3. Not really a joke, but a picture...

I love this picture so much!

[mykpart]

4. A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of testosterone-saturated bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker. I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, threw it on the ground, and told him, 'Leave her alone now or you'll answer to ME.'"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple of minutes ago."


An another one:

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us
every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is
difficult for us to remember how much you love us." And God said,
"No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you
forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will
love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish
or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and
will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves." And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal." And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG." And dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And dog was content and wagged his tail. After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well." And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration." And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And cat would not obey them.

And when Adam and Eve gazed into cat's eyes, they were reminded that they
were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved. And God was pleased. And Dog was happy. And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.