fuck. email to my brother.

[mopinko]

ok, i know i made a mistake. my brother sent me pics of his son's graduation from basic training. i really haven't seen much of my family since these fuckwads took over. a few are drinking the koolaid, but more just don't give a shit. all think i am thisclose to becoming the next unibomber.
so, what am i supposed to say to this boy? i dunno, but nothing is all i can think of. i should have stuck to that. but when i signed dodd's petition on the geneva convention, i foolishly forwarded to bro.

to which he replied-

It makes me sad to think that you missed the chance to say something good about xxx's successes. He is 21 years old and has done more with his life than most young men his age.
Please don't give me that political crap about bush. He'll be gone soon and you be unhappy with the next one too.We still will have responsibilities to protect our country.



oy-
like i said, i usually just don't talk to them. this is what i said today. >>


i am sorry that such a fine young man may be treated like dirt. and asked to do things that are unspeakable. i hope that his country keeps it's promises to him. to me it is not about bush. it is much more about kids like jay. and what happens to them when their country uses them, and discards them like so much used kleenex. i just cannot understand putting on a uniform, but not understanding what it is you are serving. i just do not understand.
politics is not some abstract thing. it is what this country means. democracy. if bush is good enough for you, fine. when the blowback comes, don't cry to me. if you were paying attention, you would know that people like me have made a change. it is better. and the people that i, me, i, worked to get into office will be working to protect your kid and end this stupid war. it is not about protecting our country, it is about robbing, stealing, and profiteering right down to the body armor that soldiers are going without. it is about the ugliest side of human beings. there is no pride in that. there certainly is no safety in that.
that petition is not about "bush crap". it is about what happens to your son. to all our sons. and their sons, too. about principles that we have been proud to uphold for 150 years. thrown away by a mob of psychopaths.
i am glad that he will have you to come back to. i hope he comes back in one piece. i hope he comes back still at peace with himself.
i have a duty to protect my country, too. i take it very seriously. i work for the day when some honor is restored to that uniform.

it makes me sad to not have a family any more. but i don't.


<<< shit.

[Droopy]

1. All good except for that last line

Don't let the misguided policies of our government take you away from your family if your family is not abusive.

My dad voted for Bush, but I still love him.

[mopinko]

3. it is, of course, deeper than just that.

i was always the family weirdo. since my mom passed 3 years ago, there just isn't much reason to see them, so i don't. it is painful, but not as painful as that kind of half asssed relationship. * is just the last straw.

[Katherine Brengle]

Normally is - one symptom among many...

Some families just don't work. I don't see much of mine, and it has nothing to do with politics.

Sorry things are crappy for you right now, I hope you find some peace.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

2. Quite honestly, I think your brother was nicer than I would have been.

If my kid joined the military and instead of a congratulations, you forwarded him some stuff about the Geneva Convention, I'd be pissed as hell.

How hard would it have been to wish him luck and congratulate him? Joining the military is a honorable profession, it just sucks that they're stuck in this shitty war right now.

[China_cat]

4. Sometimes when you're scared for someone you love

it comes out as anger.

[mopinko]

5. i can't find any honor in it now.

just can't. to kill for your country, but not bother to do your due diligence as a citizen, and know what the hell you are fighting for, it ought to be a crime, if you ask me.
it used to be honorable. i hope it will be again. but joining now?
we have a nephew who got a medal in afghanistan. honored for killing 300 people at mosari sharif (sp??) a career soldier, so smart, all that. but i just can't sort out that conflict, and honor that.
i try to just stay away and shut my mouth.

[Nickster]

8. Agreed. n/t

[LostinVA]

9. Agreed -- there's nothing wrong with a career in the military

I wouldn't encourage anyone to enter now, because of becoming cannon fodder. However, unless he joined because he wants to kill Iraqis, then he deserved either congratulations or silence. Many of my family members have served in the military, many in wars, and some -- like my BIL -- permanently disabled because of their service. For many, it is a way out of poverty or a dead end, and leads to a college degree, a trade, a better quality of life.

Going out of your way to criticize the young man's decision was unnecessary, imo.

I wish him well, and hope he returns safety if he's sent to Iraq.

[xmas74]

12. Agreed.

You know I live in a small town. For many in small towns the military is the only real way out.

I wouldn't want to join right now but I see nothing wrong with enlisting. For some it will be their only chance to see the world, pay for college and not have to fight for a job at the local slaughterhouse. As I've done with a few young coworkers I've hugged them, said good luck, told them to stay safe and write me when they get settled so I know where to mail the cookies.

[LostinVA]

14. OT

All-Stars starts Sunday!!!

[xmas74]

16. Callie and I are gearing up!

She can't wait. She loved Charla/Mirna and wants to see them. She is also ready to experience the joy that is Cha-Cha, since she's too young to remember them.


They so need to go shopping again and come in first!

[LostinVA]

17. I love Charla and Mirna AND Danny and Oswald

[xmas74]

22. Preboard,

taken off of standby lists for "medical emergencies", the pure bitchiness-how can you not love Charla and Mirna?

Danny and Oswald just made the game so much fun. If I were on All Stars with these teams C/M and Cha would be the first two I'd align with. I love them both!

[philosophie_en_rose]

33. I can't wait to watch Cha Cha Cha.

I just loved that they took the last of their money and went shopping, when other teams in their position would have started to fight or cry. They never turned on each other.

And they were so smart. Checking their bags at hotels and sleeping in the lobbies.

I hope they win this time.

[xmas74]

48. They are my favorites.

Fabulous people overall and they deserve to win the whole thing.

[Connonym]

35. TAR?

Yay! this is going to be a good one. I'm glad you posted that because I didn't know it was starting already. TY!

[mopinko]

36. this kid had tons of options.

he lives in california. he wants to be a nurse. he has already done most of his course work. he is not stuck in any sense of the word.
i think mostly his cousin, the major, talked him into it.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

13. Exactly. Same in my family. nt

[ContraBass Black]

10. Agreed.

[Shakespeare]

45. Second that.

Never forget who the anger should be directed toward. And it's not the nephew.

[TheBaldyMan]

47. What if the kid is ordered to do something illegal?

There isn't any honour in following an illegal order.

The armed forces have been put in an impossible position. They want to serve their country honourably but the criminals in charge are treating them like worthless shit.

Bush is cutting VA funding AGAIN! If this doesn't ring a few alarm bells about joining the military then nothing will.

The OP is acting with his conscience, it's a shame that troops are in a position where they are forced to act against theirs.

[Deja Q]

6. Protect our country? Have the cretin explain offshoring.

[mopinko]

7. he knows nothing.

he is a special ed teacher. he works in a trailer. he thinks that is the way it is supposed to be. he does not care.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

18. What's wrong with being a special ed teacher or working in a trailer?

Many schools are running out of room, so smaller classes, like special ed or gifted classes, are held in trailers.

And in most states, special ed teachers require EXTRA college credits to get certified.

[mopinko]

39. here in chicago, only the poor kids are in trailers.

and there is no excuse, imho, for kids in trailers as any more than a temporary solution. they have been in that trailer for many years. i think it sends a powerful message.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

41. I AGREE that is should only be a temporary solution.

It's an underfunded, overcrowded school system.

However, you made it sound as if there was something WRONG with your brother for working in a trailer and for being a special ed teacher. Those are YOUR words.

[mopinko]

44. so sorry. poorly worded.

special ed teachers are a noble lot.

[LostinVA]

19. Seriously -- WTF???

Being a Special Ed teacher is a very, very important job, especially in a school district that's so overcrowded and underfunded they're housing the kids in trailers.

[GirlinContempt]

21. He thinks in a trailer is the way it's supposed to be?

[auntAgonist]

11. I'm sorry you couldn't find it in your heart to offer congratulations

and support for your nephew. You could have sent your best wishes for his safety and well being. THEN when all is said and done in another opportunity, continue with your political stance. If you don't have family anymore it's your doing. And it's a damned shame.

aA

[LostinVA]

15. Good post -- agree

[Jokerman]

25. Wow

So you've managed to assess mopinko's family situation and sum it up in one sentence:

"If you don't have family anymore it's your doing. And it's a damned shame."

Do you get paid to render snap judgments on complex family relationships, or is it just a hobby?

[auntAgonist]

29. You don't like what I said?

You need to get over it. I wasn't "judging" perhaps you'd like the word "choice" as compared to "doing"

He IS choosing to distance himself from his family, therefore it IS his doing.

aA

[mopinko]

34. just for the record, not he- she

and this is only the last straw. the camel was already pretty well loaded down. THAT i did not choose.

[auntAgonist]

38. Sorry for the mix up .. I didn't check your profile ...

I do think though that you could make amends with your nephew. Kids are not always lock step with their parents and he's doing what HE feels is right. Be supportive, forget the politics with your brother. Life is short. At least have some sort of good relationship with the young man.

I hope some day you can enjoy your family again.

aA

[Jokerman]

46. You ARE judging mopinko and you know it.

Several people have posted with compassionate, well thought out responses to what sounds like a complicated situation. You, on the other hand chime in with, "If you don't have family anymore it's your doing. And it's a damned shame."

How exactly is that not "judging"?

[caty]

20. You have a moral

obligation to yourself to be healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally. If you are not, you are no good to any one. When it comes to friends and relatives who seem to be poisonous to you, find a way to have a minimal relationship with them. Keep your communications with them short but tolerant. Have as little to do with or say to them--not to be cruel to them, but to protect yourself from the harm they do to you with their words. End this back and forth word war. If they send you an email that you find offensive, don't answer it. Just delete it and get on with your life. The only way you can help your nephew is by supporting people who can.

[jobycom]

23. You did one good thing and two bad things with your follow-up. Not too late to fix.

First, your family is your family, so whether you did the right thing in the first place isn't really an issue. You did it, you adjust to the world after you did it. That's life, yay.

Your brother seems like a decent man. He's trying to reach out to you, not to bash you. He expressed his displeasure, but he didn't outright trash you or bash you. Keep in mind he feels as strongly about your choices as you feel about his, and realize he is trying to put that aside as much as he can.

You forwarding the petition, to me, is revealing. It is your way of showing your brother what you feel, what's important to you. Showing him what you are proud of, since he showed you what he is proud of.

Your follow-up letter seems like you are trying to reach out, too, without compromising. What you do right is trying to explain what you believe, and what you are doing about it. You keep the attacks to a minimum. If your brother wants to accept you, he will make the effort to understand. And it's well said. I hope he listens, whether he changes his mind about Bush or not.

Two things you did wrong. First, as others said, the last line is brutal. You trash every effort he made in his letter (the one you cited). I saw where you said there are other issues, but still, he is communicating. That's family, even when it's not perfect. I had two brothers--one was a rapist drug dealer (who is dead), the other is schizophrenic and panics and runs away any time I try to talk to him. Enjoy what you do have.

Second, you should have apologized and then congratulated your nephew. You don't have to retract anything, but you should acknowledge the accomplishments of a young man trying his best to do good for the world. Your approval will mean more than he lets on. Again, you don't have to back off anything you said. Something congratulatory and NON-passive-aggressive is in order. "Sorry, Nephew, that I didn't congratulate you. You know my political beliefs, and how passionate I am about them. I am opposed to the war, because I believe a lot of innocent lives are lost and innocent people maimed. And I am afraid for you. But I am proud of what you have done with your life, and with the courage and strength of your dedication to this country. Please forgive me for not congratulating you sooner." Copy that message to your brother, apologize for not responding that way first, then re-iterate "However, I do not apologize for my beliefs or the way I choose to serve my country. Only for being a poor uncle." Add "brother" if you feel it, or leave it off if you don't.

Just my thoughts. Probably wrong, as always. :)

[Nickster]

26. Excellent analysis. I recommend this plan of action. n/t

[jobycom]

27. I want to add one more thing, from a nephew's perspective.

My favorite relative, by far, was my aunt--my mother's sister. She is amazing. She has been a nun, an army officer, and a professor. She is lesbian. She attained a high rank in the Reserves nontheless. She has always been the black sheep of her small, screwed up family, and she has always been the one I wanted most to impress. When I was fifteen, she visisted (she lived literally on the other side of the country from me). I got into some spat with my mother (you know how teenagers are) and my aunt got miffed and made an offhanded comment about me. It crushed me for years. Probably more so because she was right. :) So you may not know how your words affect this kid.

[mopinko]

32. Your brother seems like a decent man.

the operative word here is seems. 20+ years of dealing with emotionally disturbed teenagers have finely tuned his ability to seem decent. when time comes to act on it, nada.

i did not congratulate my nephew, because i have been trying to follow the old adage of, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything. all i can think to say is, 'good luck on your trip through the meat grinder. i hope they can identify all the pieces when they try to put you back together.' i am sorry i sent the petition. but sorrier still that he does not see the importance of it for his son.
the rest is a long story of a big dysfunctional family. maybe someday i will have a thick enough hide for them, but i don't now.

[jobycom]

43. Understood.

I've known people like that. That changes things. Then if you respond politely to him, his disengenuousness is reinforced.

I'd still apologize to your nephew, and congratulate him. Maybe he sees his father as he is, and needs someone brutally honest to balance that. You could congratulate him, then explain your opposition to Bush and the invasion as you explained it to your brother. "I'm proud of what you've accomplished, Nephew, but I am opposed to what has been done to and with our military lately... (insert explanation that explains more than attacks--don't try to win nephew's beliefs, just let him know what and why you believe). This is not an attack on you or your fellow troops. I feel that you are all victims of a crooked regime... etc."

Might make him think, might change some minds. Might not. But his joining isn't going to help or hurt our cause. By congratulating him, you might keep the channels open, so he doesn't fall into the belief that "liberals just hate the troops."

[caty]

24. I would like to add this:

You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Associate with "like minded" people. When you are forced to communicate with others who don't hold to your values, simply hear them out and then walk away and lead the ethical and peaceful life that sets the standard for you life. Some people cannot change their opinion from the words of others, but sometimes they can learn from the example you set for them. Stop playing tug of war with these people. Let go of the rope and move on. They might have to fall on their tushes several (or many) times before they realize the truth.

[mopinko]

30. that is exactly what that last line is about.

letting go of the rope. until now i have tried to just deal. life is short. these people have done nothing good for me. i am sorry for the couple of people that i still care about. but the ones that i cared the most about are the 2 biggest koolaid drinkers. just all too sad.

[movie_girl99]

28. a similar thing happened with my bro and I

we don't talk anymore. He's a born again kool-aid drinker who thinks Liberalism is a disease.

[philosophie_en_rose]

31. Forwarding political emails to relatives is almost never a good idea.

Surely you knew that your brother did not agree with your politics. Political emails (no matter how true or wise) do not persuade people of the opposite political team.

I think your brother should be proud of his son and that you should have expected his reaction to your email. Your reply was good (I agree with you), but I think your last line was melodramatic.

[mopinko]

37. i almost never do.

hell, i rarely forward shit to people who agree with me. it just happened to hit right on top of the graduation pictures. i didn't send it expecting him to agree. it was kind of an impulsive way of letting him know what i thought about the situation. which it did.
melodrama? no, honest real drama.

[Katherine Brengle]

40. So true, I got a few from one aunt before I asked her to stop sending them, and unfortunately

they did color my opinion of her - they were very classless, racist, over the top messages.

I accidentally hit "reply all" instead of just "reply" too so I got another ugly email back from a different relative.

All because someone felt they needed to send me unsolicited political email.


:(

[GenDem]

42. I think most peoples families are a political mixture.

I know mine is. We don't ever have to agree with them, but to relinquish a relationship with a family member. I think that's going way too far. Unless you don't like them to begin with, and don't care if you renounce your ties.

My brother is a conservative, and I love him dearly. I could never let politics drive a permanent wedge between us. That doesn't mean that I don't voice my opinion. Believe me, I do, and sometimes maybe a bit too passionately. We occasionally get into a debate that will get a little heated, and other times we can banter back and forth in a fun spirit of opposition. To stop having a relationship with him over it? That will never happen -- I love him too much and could never let our political differences interfere to the point of no return.

I can see how passionate you are regarding your opposition to bushco and his war, as I am too, but to alienate yourself from your family.....that's just sad. If you care enough about your brother, I agree with the suggestions up thread regarding sending out an olive branch. You don't have to compromise your ideals. Military service is noble, it's bushco that isn't.