more found stuff on craigslist

[datasuspect]

1973 vs 2006

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Reply to: [e-mail]
Date: 2007-02-21, 7:16PM CST


Scenario: Jack goes duck hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1973- Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.
2006- School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

**********

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1973- Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
2006- Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

**********

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1973- Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.
2006- Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

***********

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping.
1973- Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2006- Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

***************

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1973- Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2006- Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

***********

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

1973: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2006: Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English.

*************

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1973- Ants die.

2006- BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

***********

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.

1973- In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2006- Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.




the part about the english speaking stuff seems a bit right wing, but the rest is pretty funny.

[crim son]

1. I don't care for the gun on school grounds one, but yes, the

rest is pretty funny... and sad.

[datasuspect]

2. talking to some older people here in southeast texas

it was very common to leave rifles and shotguns outside the school during hunting season. in fact, if you go early enough, they'd cancel school on the first days of a hunting season, because enough kids wouldn't even show up.

[crim son]

3. I don't doubt it.

I'm not a lover of the hunt, either. Basically, I hate guns.

[datasuspect]

4. i feel ya

but they're really just tools.

personally, i likes me a good firearm, the same way i like a good socket wrench.

[dropkickpa]

6. Here in PA

you always get the first day of hunting season off. I think the Cathplic schools might go, but the public schools are all on an "inservice".

[dropkickpa]

5. I disagree with one

If you blow up a fire ant bed, unless you go far enough away, you do get hurt. When I was a kid, my brothers and I would make pen bombs (Bic roundsticks are perfect for this), and, the first couple mounds we blew up, we got showered with fire ants and dirt. Fire ants HURT, especially when they;re all through you hair, down your shirt, basically you're coated with them. The ants don't die, they just get angry.

[datasuspect]

7. using a long enough fuse would work

when we were kids, we never got into detonators much.

[dropkickpa]

10. We were never patient enough to use a long fuse

Of course, we paid for that impatience.

Man, I really miss blowing stuff up, that was FUN!

[datasuspect]

11. we used to burn garbage cans in the alley

when we lived in a "back cottage" (rear lot building literally on the alley) under the el tracks growing up in chicago.

[zanne]

8. You can't turn back the clock.

Unlike you, I don't get misty-eyed about kids getting "whippings" and principals showing students his gun. This sounds like a bunch of right wing crap.

[datasuspect]

9. i am neutral on this

if you read the title, it says "found stuff."

and yes, nostalgia is mostly a conservative sentiment, but that doesn't disallow the possibility that some nostalgia can be funny.

what makes you misty eyed?

things i find on craigslist seldom make me misty eyed. that's a very curious conclusion on your part. i wonder how you made that inference.

things that make me misty-eyed:

black velvet paintings of puppies with very large eyes
the sun coming out at the very end of a gloomy, rainy day
the surging energy of the feeling of the presence of the divine
the feeling some gospel music inspires
marvin gaye songs