Top Three Reasons I Could Never Be A Meth Cook (a Customer of the Day)

[jmowreader]

The top three reasons, before I start out:
Reason 1: any business that involves boiling gasoline over an open flame is not one I wish to be involved in
Reason 2: when the same business also comes with a fairly good risk of prison time, that's even more of a justification to stay the fuck out of it
and Reason 3: I'm just not creative enough.

Today a customer came in to buy a few things to repair a rental he'd evicted someone from when he found out they were getting ready to start cooking meth. Word to the wise: if you decide to start your meth cooking business on an industrial scale, make sure the place you buy your chemicals from belongs to someone who (1) doesn't know what chemicals are used to make meth and (2) isn't your landlord's best friend.

You guessed it: oops.

Anyway, among the things these folks sold to raise the money to start cooking meth:
the range
the refrigerator
all of the light fixtures
the carpet
all the furniture
the locksets
the water heater
the main breaker
the sink in the bathroom
the thermostat

Yeah, I said the same thing you did: "Who the fuck would even think of stealing the water heater?"

[GOPisEvil]

1. Anything with copper is big money!

I work for an insurance company that insures mobile homes. I've learned more about the results of meth cooking than I ever wanted to know. I've also learned that boarding up your home after a fire is a necessity, lest ye have a file another claim to replace all the wiring, piping and yes, even the water heater because some asshole wants the money for recycling the copper.

[trof]

2. My friend is taking a job at Lowes.

She wonders if it will be boring.
I told her about your stories.
:-)

I know you've been told this before, but I hope you're collecting these for an anthology or whatever it's called.