Post your favorite "dumb" song lyrics

[NightTrain]

Mind you, these don't have to be from songs you hate; they can be cheesy lyrics from songs you love!

Anyway, here's mine:

Last night I dreamed of New York
You and me roasting some pork
In the Statue of Liberty's torch

--Was (Not Was), "Walk The Dinosaur"

[Squeech]

1. She Blinded Me with Science - Thomas Dolby

When I'm dancing close to her
I can hear MACHINERY!

I can't believe it!
She's tidied up and I can't FIND anything!
All my tubes and wires
And ANTIQUATED NOTIONS...

It's just a stitch, the exaggerations, the whole song.

[Redneck Socialist]

2. Lita Ford

I went to a party last saturday night
Didn't get laid, but I got in a fight
It ain't no big thing
un huh


--Lita Ford, "It ain't no big thing"

[Radical__Moderate]

3. If I were a Carpenter

I would hammer on my piglet
and save my seven dollars
and buy a big prothetic forehead
to wear upon my real head

They Might Be Giants

[Richardo]

6. Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads...

:D :thumbsup:

[GOPisEvil]

4. Van Halen: "Only time will tell if stand the test of time."

No! Really? Wow, who'd have thunk it?

That's my favorite bad lyric.

[HEyHEY]

5. Bob Dylan

"You used to ride on a chrome horse with you diplomat. WHo carried on his shoulder a siamese cat"

That lyrics is the stupidest one ever.

[Richardo]

7. I'll get flamed, but....

...it seems to me most of Dylan's lyrics were written with a nearly empty booze bottle in one hand and a rhyming dictionary in the other...

"The pump don't work 'cause the vandals took the handle." :eyes:

[Squeech]

16. This was a real pump!

There are a lot of Dylan lyrics that really do come out of left field, but this one had a real world reference. There was supposed to be an old pump on the campus of Bard College, a historical relic, which had lost its pump handle over the years.

My favorite Dylan lyric story is the one about "A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall." The story was that Dylan thought that, because of international tensions, the bombs might drop at any time. That's what the song is about on a real obvious level. But beyond that, there were a bunch of songs Dylan felt he should write that he was afraid he wasn't going to have time for. So each of the cryptic lines in "Hard Rain" was supposed to represent the topic of one of the songs he wasn't going to get to.

[Richardo]

20. Interesting - and I did not know about the pump story...

...but it still sounds forced.

Thanx Squeetch.

[jpgray]

21. Yes, those lyrics of Bob's actually DO make sense

Take some of the stuff he did later that's like shitty Beat poetry though, and it's easy to grow cold on "he's a genius wordsmith". More like a *really* poor man's Rimbaud/Woody Guthrie lovechild. :)

[Richardo]

24. ha!

I'm chortling out loud, jpgray... :D

[jpgray]

27. Don't get me wrong, still a great songwriter. Silly sometimes, tho. :-)

n/t

[ET Awful]

25. Actually, that lyric makes complete sense. . . .

Old style hand water pump. Handle is gone. Pump does not work.

Makes complete sense.

[Richardo]

it was the "vandal" part that I thought was a reach....

Coming as it does in the middle of a whole "..andle" fest:

Light yourself a candle
Don't wear sandals
Try to avoid the scandals
Don't wanna be a bum
You better chew gum
The pump don't work
'Cause the vandals took the handles

See? Rhyming dictionary.

[Kamika]

8. can we say united states of whatever

Whatever.

I went down to the beach and saw ki-ki,and she was all like "errrhh" and I'm like "whatever".
And then this chick comes up to me and she's like "hey aren't you that dude?" and I'm like "yeh whatever".
So later, I'm, I'm at the pool hall and this girl comes up she's all like "awww" and I'm like "yeh whatever!".

(Chorus)
Cos' this is my united states of whatever!
And this is my united states of whatever!
And this is my united states of whatever.

And then it's 3am and I'm on the street corner wearin' my leather,and this guy comes up and he's like "hey punk!" and I'm like "yeh whatever!".
Then I'm throwin' dice in the alley and officer Leroy comes up and he's like "hey i thought i told you..." and I'm like "yeh whatever!".
And then up comes Zaphwer and I'm like "yo Zaphwer what's up?" and he's like "nuthin" and I'm like "that's cool".

[Qutzupalotl]

9. I cut the tags of the back of my shirts,

cuz they're makin' my neck itch, makin' my neck itch...

Gordon, "Fortified Grapes"

But the song also contains one of my favorite lines:
"Fortified grapes from a lemon tree
taste better than animosity."

[jimbo fett]

10. "Eatin' chicken gizzards with a girl named Lizzy" excerpted Beastie Boys

from Paul's Boutique.

[mac56]

11. "I'm never gonna dance again...

Guilty feet ain't got no rhythm..."

"Careless Whisper" by Wham.

Runner up:

"Shoo-be-doo, lang lang..."

"Yesterday Once More" by the Carpenters.

[jonnyblitz]

12. take the skinheads bowling by camper van beethoven

(the song at the beginning of "Bowling for Columbine")

Every day, I wake up and pray to Jah
And he increases the number of clocks by exactly one
Everybody's comin' home for lunch these days
Last night there were skinheads on my lawn

Take the skinheads bowling
Take them bowling
Take the skinheads bowling
Take them bowling

Some people say that bowling alleys got big lanes
Some people say that bowling alleys all look the same
There's not a line that goes here that rhymes with anything
I has a dream last night, but I forget what it was
I had a dream last night about you, my friend
I had a dream--I wanted to sleep next to plastic
I had a dream--I wanted to lick your knees
I had a dream--it was about nothing

[mac56]

13. I thought it was Teenage Fanclub.

nm

[jonnyblitz]

14. well here it is on a Camper Van Beethoven CD

and the version I always heard was by them

here ya go:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00006L2ZT/qid=1073934453/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/104-2429078-2303122

[blondeatlast]

53. Oh, dear, noooo . . .

You kids and your cover songs.

[FunBobbyMucha]

15. My head is full of chopstick. I don't like it.

Duran Duran, Seven and the Ragged Tiger. Feh...

[jpgray]

17. The Kingsmen own this category. You all know the song I mean. (nt)

[Richardo]

18. The master: Steve Miller

Abra abra cadabra - I wanna reach out and grabya... :eyes:

and...

Billy Mack...is a detective down in Texas.
You know he knows justs exactly what the facts is... :puke:

[felonious thunk]

23. You're the cutest thing I ever did see

Really like your peaches
Want to shake your tree
Lovey Dovey all the time
Oo Whee Baby
I'll sure show you a good time

[ProfessorGAC]

31. Hey! I Like The Joker!

Don't like much else of his work, except maybe Take The Money & Run.
The Professor

[Richardo]

34. Oh Perfessor..."Take the Money & Run"???

Say it ain't so!

One more time with the "Billy Mack" stanza....

"Billy Mack...is a detective down in Texas
You know he knows just exactly what the facts is. :eyes:
He won't let those twoooowoowoowooo escape justice
He makes his livin' off of the people's taxes." :wtf:

Worst. stanza. ever.

[ProfessorGAC]

36. I Know. It's A Guilty Pleasure

I know i shouldn't like it, but i do. What can ya do?
The Professor

[Richardo]

38. *sheepishly* Kind of like my furtive enjoyment of "Take On Me"

*ducks* :D

[ProfessorGAC]

39. Oh No! I Like That Too!

I'm starting to hate this thread. I see too many songs on it that i like and some of them i don't even consider a guilty pleasure. I just like them 'cause i think they're good.

I'm feeling like a wussy boy musician right now! (Like i did in high school in the early 70's. Playing in a band, and was a massive fan of 3 Dog Night. Couldn't tell my band mates, though. Alice Cooper, Sabbath, Purple, Allman Bros., that stuff was ok. But 3 Dog Night!?!? I feel like i'm channeling 1972!)
The Professor

[felonious thunk]

37. I actually like it too.

I like the Joker, but the lyrics are just plain stupid.

[CanuckAmok]

33. What, exatly, IS a 'pompatus'?

Hmmm...?

[MercutioATC]

45. According to Uncle Cecil ....

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a4_065.html

[felonious thunk]

19. She keeps Möet et Chandon

in her pretty cabinet
'Let them eat cake' she says
Just like Marie Antoinette
A built-in remedy
for Khrushchev and Kennedy
And anytime an invitation
you can't decline

Caviar and cigarettes
well versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice

(I think Freddy Mercury had a bit of Möet et Chandon prior to penning whatever the hell this is supposed to mean)

[MadAsHell]

22. Standing ready for the stones ...

But the Beatles ...

Rocky Raccoon

Now somewhere in the black moutain hills of Dakota
There lived a young boy named Rocky Raccoon.
And one day his woman ran off with another guy.
Hit young Rocky in the eye Rocky didn’t like that.
He said I’m gonna get that boy.
So one day he walked in to town
Booked himself a room in the local saloon.
Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
Only to find Gideon’s Bible.
Rocky had come equipped with a gun
To shoot off the legs of his rival.
His rival it seems had broken his dreams
By stealing the girl of his fancy.
Her name was Magill and she called herself Lill
But everyone knew her as Nancy.
Now she and her man who called himself Dan
Were in the next room at the hoe down.
Rocky bust in and grinning a grin.
He said Danny boy this is a showdown
But Daniel was hot – he drew first and shot
And Rocky collapsed in the corner.
Now the doctor came in stinking of gin
And proceeded to lie on the table.
He said Rocky you met your match.
And Rocky said, Doc it’s only a scratch
And I’ll be better, I’ll be better doc as soon as I am able.
Now Rocky Raccoon he fell back in his room
Only to find Gideon’s Bible.
Gideon checked out and he left in no doubt
To help with good Rocky’s revival.

By the way, I like the song but it is nearly conclusive evidence of mind altering pharmacitals.

[LincolnMcGrath]

26. Dumb Lyrics Recommended by 4 out 5 Soul Coughing Fans

I’m not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I’m having fun
I think I’m dumb
Or maybe just happy

Think I’m just happy

My heart is broke
But I have some glue
Help me inhale
And mend it with you
We’ll float around
And hang out on clouds
Then we’ll come down
And I have a hangover

Have a hangover

Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up



I think I’m dumb

[LincolnMcGrath]

58. I think I’m dumb

Or maybe just happy

[dolo amber]

28. First, let me say

I LOVE the Butthole Surfers. LOVE them. And they have loads of weird/nonsensical lyrics. BUT: This song has the worst line of theirs, ever.

I SAW AN X-RAY OF A GIRL PASSING GAS

Ten foot tall and the nurse stuck a needle in my arm
Well Uncle Doc's nurse use a needle with ungodly charm
Walkin' down the hall the dentist loomed through the door
I Saw an X-Ray of a girl passing gas
The one shot theory got a query things got rolling at last
Hey, hey hey daddy, why die in the war
Jesus Hitler Buddha Santa Mary Klaus Barbie (???)
Well Ben got arrested and the sky was the ocean that day
Words got twisted and history didn't know what to say
God dog sex death life and now I'm feeling old
These images were conjured up by talking on the telephone
I Saw an X-Ray of a girl passing gas
Oh my God it seems like just the other day
But it might have been one hundred years before
And I know there is no other way
We only have to wonder what it's for

:wtf:

[bif]

29. From Zaz Turned Blue

By Was (Not Was)

One night in the park for a lark
Zaz let Steve Brown fool around
Steve squeezed his neck, figured what the heck
But Zaz hit the ground, he was downed

[EV1Ltimm]

30. you know when i drink alone, i prefer to be by myself.

it makes sense somehow...

[CanuckAmok]

32. Beat these (they're tied):

On edit: "Beat these", not "BeaSt these", although both are appropriate...


Jump back, what's that sound ?
Here she comes, full blast and top down.
Hot shoe, burnin' down the avenue.
Model citizen zero discipline
Don't you know she's coming home with me?
You'l lose her in the turn.
I'll get her!
Panama, Panama
Panama, Panama
Ain't nothin' like it, her shiny machine.
Got the feel for the wheel, keep the moving parts clean.
Hot shoe, burnin' down the avenue,
Got an on-ramp comin' through my bedroom.
Don't you know she's coming home with me?
You'll lose her in the turn.
I'll get her!
Yeah, we're runnin' a little bit hot tonight.
I can barely see the road from the heat comin' off of it.
Ah, you reach down, between my legs,
ease the seat back.
She's blinding, I'm flying,
Right behind the rear-view mirror now.
Got the feeling, power steering,
Pistons popping, ain't no stopping now!
Panama, Panama
Panama, Panama



I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. I've seen the toughest around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real
Oh can't you see me standing here,
I've got my back against the record machine
I ain't the worst that you've seen.
Oh can't you see what I mean ?
Might as well jump. Jump !
Might as well jump.
Go ahead, jump. Jump !
Go ahead, jump.
How old are you? Who said that ?!
Baby how you been ?
You say you don't know, you won't know
until we begin.
Well can't you see me standing here,
I've got my back against the record machine
I ain't the worst that you've seen.
Oh can't you see what I mean ?
Might as well jump. Jump !
Go ahead, jump.
Might as well jump. Jump !
Go ahead, jump.
(guitar solo)
(keyboard solo)
Might as well jump. Jump !
Go ahead, jump.
Get it and jump. Jump !
Go ahead, jump.

[blockhead]

60. Van Halen

had alot of cheesey lyrics, take your pick.

[ldoolin]

35. Well,

you got your dead rabbit
and you got your dead dog
got your dead cat
and your dead toad-frog
but there's a dead skunk in the middle of the road
dead skunk in the middle of the road
dead skunk in the middle of the road
stinking to high heaven

-------------------------------------------

me'n earl was haulin' chickens on a flatbed out of wiggins
and we spent all night on the uphill side of 47 miles of hell called wolf creek pass
which is up on the great divide
we'uz sittin there suckin toothpicks
and drinkin' nehi and onion soup mix
and I says earl let's drop a card in the mail to ma
and send them chickens on down to the other side
yeah let's give em a ride
wolf creek pass way up on the great divide
truckin on down the other side

---------------------------------------------

trapped in a mine the back caved in
and everyone knew the only ones left
were joe and me and tim
when they broke through to pull us free
the only ones left to tell the tale
were joe and me
timothy, timothy, where on earth did you go?
timothy, timothy, god why don't i know?

:bounce: :bounce:

[CO Liberal]

40. "Someone Left the Cake Out In The Rain"

"I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again.....

Oh, no-o-o-o-o-o-..."

- MacArthur Park
(Written by Jimmy Webb,
Sung by Richard Harris)

[Bossy Monkey]

41. The dumbest

"How Do You Do?" by Mouth & MacNeal: http://www.top40db.org/Songs/ID_72094.shtml
(It's ok; they're Dutch.)

Most astonishing string of cliches (just nosing out Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'"), "I Can't Hold Back" by Survivor:
http://www.top40db.org/Songs/ID_84071.shtml

[skypilot]

42. "And I feel when the dogs begin to smell her...

...will she smell alone?"

[beawr]

43. Honey by Bobby Goldsboro

I know it's old, but this (or Seasons in the Sun) is the worst I can think of:

See the tree, how big it's grown
But friend it hasn't been too long
It wasn't big
I laughed at her and she got mad
The first day that she planted it, was just a twig
Then the first snow came
And she ran out to brush the snow away
So it wouldn't die
Came runnin' in all excited
Slipped and almost hurt herself
And I laughed till I cried
She was always young at heart
Kinda dumb and kinda smart and I loved her so
And I surprised her with a puppy
Kept me up all Christmas Eve two years ago
And it would sure embarrass her
When I came in from workin' late
'Cause I would know
That she'd been sittin' there and cryin'
Over some sad and silly late, late show

And honey, I miss you
And I'm bein' good
And I'd love to be with you
If only I could

She wrecked the car and she was sad
And so afraid that I'd be mad
But what the heck
Though I pretended hard to be
Guess you could say she saw through me
And hugged my neck
I came home unexpectedly
And caught her cryin' needlessly
In the middle of the day
And it was in the early Spring
When flowers bloom and robins sing
She went away

And honey, I miss you
And I'm bein' good
And I'd love to be with you
If only I could

One day while I was not at home
While she was there and all alone
The angels came
Now all I have is memories of Honey
And I wake up nights and call her name
Now my life's an empty stage
Where Honey lived and Honey played
And love grew up
And a small cloud passes overhead
And cries down on the flower bed
That Honey loved

And see the tree how big it's grown
But friend it hasn't been too long
It wasn't big
And I laughed at her and she got mad
The first day that she planted it, was just a twig

[mac56]

46. "While she was there and all alone..The angels came"

According to Dave Barry, the song works better if you imagine it's the Hell's Angels.

[Richardo]

57. "She hugged my neck"

Some of us call that strangulation... :D

[ET Awful]

44. Yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dogs eye.

Love the song but that was just weird :).


Of course if you really want DUMB:

Yummy Yummy Yummy I got love in my Tummy. SUPER DUMB.

Any lyric from Barbie Girl by Aqua. - EXTREMELY STUPID.

I could go on for a LONG time :)

[bobthedrummer]

47. "Send me an angel, send me an angel

right now..."

[Elidor]

48. Baby, this town rips the balls from your back

Bruce, if you have balls on your back, having them ripped off you is a GOOD thing.

[Bossy Monkey]

51. That's "bones"

http://www.top40db.org/Songs/ID_75025.shtml

[The Zanti Regent]

49. Anything from THE SHAGGS

My pal foot foot...

[Cat Atomic]

50. "Plastic fantastic lobster telephone"

Aphrodisiac Jacket, The Cult

[blondeatlast]

52. Strange that "WtD" was Was (not Was)'s biggest hit.

I loved them and they tended to be rather political.

Great band; I miss them.

[blondeatlast]

54. Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida, baaaaaaaabyyyyy . . .

Don'cha know that I loo-oove yo-ou
Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida, don'cha know that I'll always be truuu-uuue

Not when you talk like that, dipstick.

Camper Van Beethoven's is the classic, though.

[blondeatlast]

55. I win, hands down . . .

Where's your momma gone
(Where's your momma gone)
Little baby bird
(Little baby bird)
Where's your momma gone
(Where's your momma gone)
Far far away far far awayayay...

REFRAIN

Last night I heard my momma singing this song
Ooh wee chirpy chirpy cheep cheep
Woke up this morning and my momma was gone
Ooh wee chirpy chirpy cheep cheep
Chirpy chirpy cheep cheep chirp

Where's your momma gone
(Where's your momma gone)
Little baby bird
(Little baby bird)
Where's your momma gone
(Where's your momma gone)
Far far away
Where's your poppa gone
(Where's your poppa gone)
Little baby bird
(Little baby bird)
Where's your poppa gone
(Where's your poppa gone)
Far far away far far awayayay...

REFRAIN

REPEAT REFAIN

REPEAT REFRAIN AGAIN

Where's your momma gone
(Where's your momma gone)
Little baby bird
(Little baby bird)
Where's your momma gone
(Where's your momma gone)
Far far away


Where's your poppa gone
(Where's your poppa gone)
Little baby bird
(Little baby bird)
Where's...

ad nauseaum

[Spirochete]

56. I'll give you fish

I'll give you candy
I'll give you everything I have in my hand
Just give me back my man

the B-52's

[greyl]

59. Poor Goo - Prince

Poor Goo, poor Goo, poor Goo {x3}

Poor Goo, he know he just
Don't wanna go home with that nappy haired dame
He know he'd rather... go home... with... U

Poor Goo, poor Goo, poor Goo

All the film he shot
It ain't 2 hot
All distorted

Poor Goo, poor Goo, poor Goo

No, U don't want Cap'n Crunch
When U can have... Trix

Poor Goo, poor Goo, poor Goo
Ow!

Poor Goo, poor Goo, poor Goo {x4}




-It's really a great song, from the unreleased "The Undertaker".